So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Witches
by Isaviel Snape
Summary: Two girls scoff at the mysterious warnings connected to two mysterious amulets, and soon find themselves literally falling into the Harry Potter world. Prophecies, hilarity and hijinks ensue! R&R MarySueParody. SSxOC SBxOC. CH25 FINALLY UP!
1. The Amulet

**A/N:** Before you start trying to tell me about how CB and PF are Sues/Self-Inserts, we do know, honestly. XD This is more of a subtle parody or mocking of the "so-and-so falls into the HP/LOTR world and then saves the day!" plots. So read this with an open mind, available sense of humour and more than a pinch of salt. ;D Also, wtf, I can't get the dividers to look nice so I used the fugly default ones. woe

**Summary: **Two girls stumble across a mysterious store, where they buy mysterious amulets and receive mysterious warnings. When they ignore these words, they literally "fall into" the Harry Potter world. Hilarity and hijinks ensues.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Pocketfish (Isaviel Bates) and Cheerbear (Theoli Runkle), however, belong to myself and Rusty Nail, respectively.

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**  
So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter One: The Amulet**

"Fish... what _are_ you doing?"

Isaviel jumped at the sudden voice, which was rather unfortunate since she was currently under her bed looking for the purse she had throw under it in a fit of rage the previous night. Groaning, she slid herself out from under the bed, tossing the purse to her side before rubbing her forehead as she looked up at the visitor. Theoli Runkle is Isaviel's best friend; they met in 'the system' as they were sent from house to house in search of a home and thankfully they had been placed with families that lived relatively close to one another. As their friendship grew stronger, they gave each other nicknames that nobody else would ever understand - hell, even they don't understand where the names came from - and now Isaviel is referred to as Pocketfish and Theoli as Cheerbear.

"Giving myself concussion, apparently. How long have you been there?"

"Not long. Your mum let me in," she replied, picking up the fallen purse, sitting at her friend's desk. "You ready yet? Or do I need to wait while you make sure you didn't damage your perfectly proportioned skull with that impact?"

"Don't make me throw lint at you," Isaviel threatened, pushing herself up from the floor and dusting her trousers down. "I wish I'd remembered where that damn thing was before I'd got ready."

"Or you could just not throw things under there. Are you sure nothing lives under there?"

"Thanks, CB. Really. You're a great mate." She frowned. "I'll have you know Mr Waffles is very sensitive to light and harsh comments."

"You've named the monster under your bed."

"Yes. Yes I have."

Theoli rolled her eyes, tossing the purse to her friend before standing and heading to the door. "Come on, grab your necessities bag and let's get going, already.

* * *

The train into the town center had been late, as per usual, and had actually stopped for half an hour en-route 'due to the signals' - whatever that meant - so a journey that would normally take around half an hour in total took an epic hour and three quarters. Needless to say, the girls were a little less than impressed when they arrived at the other end, after having been refused a refund. In order to recover from their ordeal the pair had settled for an early lunch before browsing the shops. Neither girl really needed to buy anything, so by the end of the day both had remained empty handed, having found absolutely nothing that struck their fancy, which was impressive, considering Isaviel's a self-confessed shopaholic who'd buy something just because it looked pretty. Having been to practically every shop in town _twice_, they were just about to head back to the station when Theoli noticed something out of the corner of her eye. "Hey, have we been down there?"

Isaviel glanced over to where her friend was pointing and saw a small alley between two shops which was easily missed among the bright lights and alluring shopfronts around it. "Don't think so." Before Isaviel could say anything Theoli had made a beeline right for it and Isaviel had to jog to catch up. The small alley seemed to lead to an antique shop with an aged green door, paint flaked from years of neglect.

The girls exchanged glances.

"Well," Isaviel remarked. "It says 'open'. So make with the entering."

A soft bell chimed as the door swung open, revealing a dark room crammed full of bric-a-brac and small decorative items all set out on glass tables and display cases. The two girls glanced around themselves in awe for a moment before the sound of the chime again as the door closed brought them back down to earth.

"Wow," Theoli whispered as she walked down the tight aisle, kneeling down to look at the small crystal pieces in a lower display shelf. "How did we not know this place existed?"

Isaviel shook her head as she walked, carefully, around the tables delicate pieces of china stacked precariously high. "I have no idea, but dude, awesome."

The sound of someone clearing their voice caught their attention. There was a little old lady sat at the counter placed at the far end of the shop, and she smiled to the two girls as they approached her, cautiously, being extra careful about accidentally knocking something over - the shop was so crammed there wasn't room to swing a cat. When the girls got close enough she said "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Oh, no, we were just looking, thankyou."

"Yeah, we didn't realise there was a shop here," Theoli commented, glancing over her shoulder to look at the street through the glass window at the front of the shop.

"Not many people do," she said, sighing. "People are so distracted by the bigger shops with the latest gadgets; who needs something so old?"

"I think old things can be interesting," Isaviel said, defensively, then blinked. "Wait, I didn't mean-"

The old lady laughed. "I know what you meant." She then paused, looking at the ceiling as if deep in thought (the girls assumed she was thinking since they looked at the spot she was staring at and didn't see anything of much interest). "Wait here a moment, I think I have something you'd like." She then shuffled off into the back, leaving the two alone for the moment. When she returned, she was holding two small, velvet-covered boxes that could fit into the palm of a hand.

Isaviel gave the old lady a curious look, to which she received a rather toothless grin in reply. "These are two very special amulet necklaces - more like lockets, if one wanted to be pedantic." She opened the boxes one at a time to reveal two beautiful lockets, around an inch and a half tall: one made of gold and on a gold chain, encrusted with rubies and amber; the other made of silver on a silver chain, with green and turquoise stones. The girls gawked, unsure as to what to say. "Since I like you girls, I'm willing to let these go for a lower price than usual."

"Oh wow," Theoli breathed. "I'm so there."

"Seconded."

The girls paid for their necklaces and had declined the small carrier bags, opting instead to wear the necklaces immediately. As they were about to say their goodbyes the old woman's face turned very grave. "Now, there's something that I must tell you; those two amulets were made as a set, and some say that you can lock them together when you put them back to back. But, and you must heed this warning, you mustn't do this." She stopped and waited as if inviting the girls to question her.

"...err, why?"

"Because," the woman continued, satisfied. "Because it will bring about your DOOM!"

A silence fell between them. The girls glanced at each other, then back at the old woman. "...our what?"

"Your DOOM!"

"But what actually happens?"

"DOOM!"

"And, what if we just-"

"DOOM!"

"But we want-"

"DOOOOOOOOM!!!"

The old lady seemed a little out of breath after the last one, so the girls nodded slowly, not wanting to be the cause of her having a heat-attack. "Okay, we won't..." Then, smiling all the way, they made their escape from the shop. Once they were outside, the girls burst out laughing, and for the whole way home they took turns pretending to be the "doom bringer", shrieking about random people's impending DOOM.

* * *

Theoli decided to stay over that night, with permission from Isaviel's carers, and over the course of dinner and the movies they had all watched together the strange exchange between the girls and the little old lady were forgotten. It was only as they were getting ready to go to bed that Theoli suddenly got an attack of the giggles over it.

"How weird was that woman?"

"What, the DOOM woman?" Isaviel snorted. "I think she may not have been all there."

Theoli picked up her necklace and looked on the other side. "Do you think it's true?" She laughed at the look she got from her friend. "I mean, do you think they go together?"

"No idea," she replied, drying her hair with a towel. "But we shouldn't try. You know, what with all the DOOM we could bring." She grinned at the reflection of Theoli in the mirror, seeing that she was grinning too. She then hung the towel up and sat beside her friend, looking at the back of her own necklace. "It looks like they go together, what with all the grooves and stuff."

"Wanna give it a go?"

"If we get DOOMed, I am blaming you entirely."

Theoli rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't expect anything less."

They put the necklaces together, back to back, and as they pressed the two locked together with a slight 'click'. For a while nothing happened, and the two girls both sighed, slightly disappointed that they'd built themselves up for a fall; that old bat had completely and utterly tricked them. After a minute, they began to feel slightly dizzy.

"...uh oh. Doom approaching?"

"I think-"

Isaviel never got to finish her sentence. At that moment the floor had seemingly turned to a viscous liquid and the girls had begun to sink, slowly; Isaviel tried to pull her hand from the melting floor but couldn't move it, as if it was actually grabbing hold of her and pulling. As she sank further she realised that they would fall through the ceiling to the kitchen below but found that her voice had abandoned her - they could do nothing more than just sink with increasing velocity. When floor level reached her face Isaviel held her breath and closed her eyes tightly, hoping that they didn't hurt themselves when they landed on the hard stone floor.

But the pain never came.

When Isaviel's eyes fluttered open, she found herself lying on the grass, staring up into the tree canopies. Far above her there were birds flying in the daytime sky. Smiling, she closed her eyes again, satisfied that they were in a safe place.

_Wait._ She sat bolt upright, then choked as the chain around her neck stopped her halfway, causing her to give a rather uncouth 'GACK' and fall back, hitting her head on the ground. Groaning, she looked to her side and saw Theoli, and then the necklaces which were still attached. Isaviel's actions had woken her friend, who was rubbing her eyes and yawning as Isaviel separated the two amulets.

"Wha-happen?"

"No clue. We're... in a forest."

Theoli blinked, then looked around. "...so we are. How odd."

Isaviel stood up and brushed herself down, noting that they were wearing normal day-wear instead of the pyjamas they were in moments earlier. Then again, they'd just fallen through the _floor_ into a _forest_.

"Are you sure the necklaces didn't have secret crack compartments or something?"

"I think we'd have noticed," Isaviel said, offering Theoli a hand. The other girl took it, then shrugged. They turned and looked deeper into the forest. "Know where we are?" Then when Theoli gave her an incredulous stare, "...sorry."

"Ah, girls," a voice said, scaring them both out of their thoughts. They turned in unison to see who was there and saw an old man with a long, white beard and half-moon spectacles smiling at them. He was wearing a robe in a rather obscene shade of purple, with a hat that matched it perfectly. "We've been expecting you."


	2. The Sorting

**A/N:** Thanks to our one reviewer! You're awesome. ;D So we continue on with the adventures of Cheerbear and Pocketfish, who have fallen into the HP world! (ghasp!) Yes, I know! A little note, they do know about HP, but the fall, some kind of ebil magics or even the amulet itself may have made them forget it, or rather suppressed the memories. It all seems vaguely familiar, but it's buried deep in their subconscious. Also, I did the dates and Dumbledore was appointed headmaster the year before the Marauders started their first year, I think. Either way, he's headmaster in this fic. XD

NO references to Deathly Hallows will be made intentionally, because Cheerbear hasn't read it yet.

**Summary: **Two girls stumble across a mysterious store, where they buy mysterious amulets and receive mysterious warnings. When they ignore these words, they literally "fall into" the Harry Potter world. Hilarity and hijinks ensues. 

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Pocketfish (Isaviel Bates) and Cheerbear (Theoli Runkle), however, belong to myself and Rusty Nail, respectively.

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**  
So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Two: The Sorting**

The girls fidgeted nervously as they waited for the old man (who had introduced himself as Albus Dumbledore) to return from whatever business he'd had to attend to. After he had found the girls he had brought them to his office rather swiftly, taking them through winding hallways and countless passageways as quickly as possible before telling them to wait in his office and then dashing off again. The girls, however, weren't fidgeting because they were nervous (although they were erring on apprehension), but because there was so much in the office that they wanted to prod to see what it would do. Not a good idea, considering curiosity got them in this mess in the first place.

"Fish..."

"Yeah?"

"Why did you tell him your name was _Fortesque_?"

Isaviel raised an eyebrow in response. "Are you kidding me? Fortesque is like, the most awesometastic name ever. He's not going to know I'm a filthy liar, is he? I was more disappointed that you told the truth, actually."

"I couldn't think of anything. Besides, Runkle is so... sextacular." The girls got an attack of the giggles and for the next ten minutes fought hard to control themselves again. After they managed to calm down, Theoli spoke again. "So... what do you think this is?"

"I have no idea," Isaviel replied, staring at a strange glowing orb on the desk in front of them.

"No, I mean this place. That guy. _This_."

"Oh. I really don't know. I'm beginning to think we shouldn't have done the pendant thing."

"Really."

Isaviel prodded the orb on the desk, which suddenly grew dull. She frowned, disappointed that it was nothing more than a fancy glowy light, and was about to sit back when it started letting out a shrill squeak and a small pinprick of light could be seen at the centre. She leant forward, trying to see the light a little more when it exploded into an enormous pink cloud that engulfed the entire office. Theoli yelped and nearly fell out of her chair, then began wafting her arms to get the powder away from her, getting up from her chair and backing away when that failed.

"What did you do that for?!" She demanded, coughing and wafting at the same time.

"I didn't-" Isaviel broke off to cough for a while and waited for the powder to settle. "I didn't do it _deliberately_!"

The two looked around themselves, noting that the previously demure office with its grey stone walls and old wooden beams was now covered in pink dust. Theoli was also covered in a thin layer of pink, despite her best efforts to keep the cloud at bay. She wiped at a bit of the desk and only succeeded in smearing it around, so she gave up the thought of cleaning it all before the dude returned.

"...you are _so_ dead."

"It's not my fault! That... that thing should have a warning on it!"

"I do believe that _thing _as you so expertly called it, _is _a warning," an amused voice said.

The girls spun around and saw, to their relief, an amused look on the old man's face. Isaviel gave an apologetic smile. "Err... I hope you needed to redecorate, 'cause I helped. Sorry."

Dumbledore chuckled. "There is no need for apologies. This office could probably do with a facelift, it has been - or had been - this way for many years before I came." He ran his finger along the wall then rubbed his finger and thumb together, as if testing the consistency. "I have to admit, that object did have me puzzled. What did you do?"

"...prodded it."

"Ah," he said, knowingly, making his way towards his desk. "I was expecting something more creative from Mr Black."

"Who?"

"The person who made that object, of course. It was confiscated earlier in the week." He reached into his draw and took out a long thin stick, and with a flick of his wrist, the pink was replaced by the office's previous colour scheme.

Isaviel blinked, then looked at Theoli, whose jaw was hanging limp. Isaviel looked back at the old man, who was smiling jovially. "...what was _that_?"

"Magic," he replied, matter-of-factly.

"Magick?"

"Magic."

"Magick."

"No, magic. You girls are witches."

The two recoiled, looking rather taken aback. "What-" Theoli spluttered. "No we are NOT! That's a _horrible_ thing to say!"

"No, no," Dumbledore chuckled, motioning for them to calm down. "I mean, you two can perform magic."

"Ooooooh. My bad," Theoli said. "...wait. Us? Magic?"

"Oh yeah, pull the other one."

"The other what?"

"...Nevermind. Why do you think we're witches? We're two normal girls from the middle-ish area of England who suddenly found themselves in a forest. Then we were brought here without knowing who you are or where we are - I'm sure if we could perform magic we would be at home, or would know where we are, at least-"

"Here," he said, holding out another 'stick'. "Hold this a moment."

"A stick? You collect sticks?"

"Not ordinarily, no." Dumbledore opened a desk drawer and took out a piece of card, a quill and a bottle of ink and began writing as Isaviel continued her speech about why the two of them could not be witches, and were most certainly un-magic-y. Interrupting her again, he held out the piece of card. "Read this."

"Err..."

"Humour an old man, would you?"

"Fine...I don't see why you think we're witches," she grumbled, taking the card. "It's not like we can- what? Oh, the card. 'Accio book'? What kind of-" This time she wasn't interrupted by Dumbledore but by the book that smacked her square on the face and then fell to the ground. Not a second later three shelves of books flew at her, thankfully hitting each other before hitting the girl, which lessened the impact some. Needless to say, Isaviel ended up on the floor, under a large pile of books, quite dizzy but still conscious. Just about. Theoli gave a dismayed gasp and began digging through the books to get her friend out.

"Hmm," Dumbledore mused out loud. "Perhaps I should have been more specific." He then turned back to Theoli and gave a bright smile. "Would you like to try?"

"Erm, no thanks," she said, holding Isaviel up. "I think I'll pass. I believe you. I'm a witch. Et cetera."

"Ah, excellent."

"So... where are we?"

"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"...and why are we here?"

"That matter is to be discussed at a later date, once you both get settled in. Now, on to business - oh yes, Miss Runkle, here is your wand - we now need to sort you girls into your houses."

"Houses?" Isaviel had apparently recovered from her concussion and was watching the old man with distinct lack of trust. "What houses? Are you having them fall on us?" She looked around, suddenly paranoid that a house was actually going to fall through the roof and crush them.

"Heavens, no. The students of this school are split into four houses named after the four founders of the school: Gryffindor, which values courage, chivalry and boldness above all else; Ravenclaw, in which intelligence, wit and knowledge are most valued; Hufflepuff, where hard work, loyalty, friendship and fair play are more important; and Slytherin, where those with ambition, cunning and resourcefulness are placed." Dumbledore waved his wand and four small banners appeared in front of them, each with a house crest on it. "While at this school, your housemates will act as your family as well as your friends and in essence, it creates a sort of community within the school. Each good thing you do earns you points for your house and each time a rule is broken, you lose points."

The girls were trying to comprehend all of this information as Dumbledore went off and brought back a tattered looking hat. "This will tell you where you belong."

"...are you sure it doesn't carry anything contagious?" Theoli looked less than impressed.

Dumbledore only chuckled and placed the hat on her head. Almost immediately it proclaimed "GRYFFINDOR!" and then fell silent.

"Which one's that one?"

"Red and gold. Lion."

"Aww," Theoli's face fell as she took the hat off. "I wanted to be a Hufflepuff; yellow's my favourite colour and Hufflepuff is so much fun to say!"

Dumbledore blinked, looking perplexed for the first time since he'd met them. "It doesn't work like that. Now, Miss... Fortesque, was it?" He gave a knowing smile. "Go ahead."

Isaviel realised she'd probably been rumbled about the name, but what the hey, it was a cool name and she'd go with it as long as she was allowed to. Taking the hat from Theoli - who was still looking quite forlorn at being put in Gryffindor - she placed it gently on her head and waited.

"Ahh, another late arrival-"

Isaviel, quite alarmed at the voice, gave a shout. "What the he-"

"-Hmm," the hat continued, regardless. He prattled on about ambition or something, but Isaviel wasn't really listening - she'd gotten rather hungry in the time since waking up and was wondering what time it was and how long it would be until dinner. She was only jerked back to reality by the hat shouting, "SLYTHERIN!"

"WHAT? I want to be with Theo," she whined. "This is _so_ not fair."

"Alas, such is life. Sometimes we must do what we don't really want to do. There is, however, nothing to stop you seeing each other in your free time." He smiled. "And I do believe Slytherin and Gryffindor have a few lessons together."

"Can't you just bend the rules?"

"Unfortunately not. Rules are there for a reason, Miss Runkle."

Just then the door opened and a woman stormed in, holding two boys by their ears. The two boys were writhing in pain, each clinging onto the woman's hand to make sure she didn't tear his ear off. "Professor Dumbledore, I caught Snape and Black fighting _again_."

Theoli and Isaviel exchanged bemused glances, then turned back to the unfolding scene. Dumbledore gave a heavy sigh. "I trust you have punished them accordingly, Minerva?"

"Yes, but I would like you to have words with them." Finally, she noticed the girls. They smiled and waved. "Are they the ones?" Dumbledore nodded in response and the older woman's mood seemed to improve tenfold. "I see. Well, I look forward to teaching you both." With that, she left go of the boys' ears and pushed them into the office, turned and left and brusquely as she had come.

Dumbledore stood and walked over to the boys, who were trying to look anywhere but at the headmaster. "Boys," he started, a hint of disappointment in his voice. "Here we are again."

"HE started it," hissed one boy.

"I didn't see you NOT retaliating," the other shot back.

"Boys, boys. I'm not asking you to be friends, as I'm well aware that probably won't ever happen. I do, however, have to tell you that fighting is not acceptable behaviour. You talk diplomatically, and if you do not agree, then you agree to disagree, for you must agree that agreeing is far better than disagreeing and far more preferable to fighting like this." Silence fell as everyone tried to work out what exactly he had just said. Paying no heed, he continued. "Now, as you have already been punished there is no need for me to do so. But I do have a task for you." Dumbledore motioned to the girls.

The boys looked at them, suddenly embarrassed by their own actions.

"I would like you to escort them, as Isaviel is in your house, Severus, and Theoli in yours, Sirius." The boys nodded, confused, but daring not to ask, lest they get themselves into even more trouble than they were currently in. The headmaster gave them a shrewd smile then turned to the girls again. "Your uniforms are on that chair behind you," he pointed to emphasize his point. "You can change in the nearest bathroom and then have the boys escort you to your common rooms."

And so their meeting with the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had ended and the girls, who had changed into their school robes, were in the bathroom mulling over what they had learned.

"Do you believe all of this?" Theoli muttered, inspecting her wand.

Isaviel was looking at her reflection in the mirror, wincing as she checked her forehead. "The bruise on my face says yes. Unless he threw the book." She looked over to the other girl as if asking for clarification.

"No, no book throwing."

"What are we going to do?"

"What _can_ we do? We don't know where we are, we have no money, no means for transportation, not even a fricking portkey."

"A who?"

"What?"

"Portkey. What is it? Sounds familiar."

"I..." Theoli frowned. "I have no idea."

Isaviel shrugged. "I guess we're staying until Dumbledore tells us why we're here, then?"

"Yup. Though it's probably something to do with these amulets."

"No, really?" Isaviel teased.

Theoli gasped, then hit her friend on the arm in a playful manner. "Shutup. I'm clever."

"Fine, fine, let's go then, before those guys start bitching." Isaviel made her way out of the door, leaving Theoli alone for a moment. She looked around herself and tried to ignore the strange feeling she got in the pit of her stomach. "Hmmm, some of this seems kind of familiar... wonder why." Shrugging, she jogged to catch up to Isaviel as they went back downstairs to meet with Sirius and Severus.

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**Review plz? ;D **


	3. That has GOT to hurt

**A/N:** Thank you for all the reviews! glee I'm glad this story is getting such a good reception. I may have gotten small facts wrong, since it's been years since I've read a lot of the books. Also, if anyone knows who the Heads of Houses were during the Marauder era, could you let me know?

In this chapter, Isaviel is continuing to have a really crap day, they meet a new face, get into arguments and finally get to go to the common rooms!

And one final note; obviously I've taken slight liberties with the Harry Potter world, so expect some slight OOC-ness, especially since we're destined to be Sues who SAEV THE WURLDZ!

**Summary: **Two girls stumble across a mysterious store, where they buy mysterious amulets and receive mysterious warnings. When they ignore these words, they literally "fall into" the Harry Potter world. Hilarity and hijinks ensue.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Pocketfish (Isaviel Bates) and Cheerbear (Theoli Runkle), however, belong to myself and Rusty Nail, respectively.

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**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Three: That has GOT to hurt...  
**

Isaviel and Theoli had returned to the boys to find them having a heated argument about how each boy wears his tie; Severus was dressed very neatly, with his tie pulled tightly around his neck whereas Sirius opted to wear his tie in a rather slack manner, with his top button undone.

"Why would I take advice from you, Snivellus?" Sirius had his arms folded across his chest in a defensive manner, with an irate scowl on his face.

"Nobody said you should, Black," Severus countered with an equal amount of venom. "Just saying you should probably take more care with your _appearance_."

The girls were sat on the wall, leaning against the stone pillars as they waited for the two to hurry up and finish their little spat. Far off into the distance Isaviel thought she saw someone flying on a broomstick but she tried not to think about it too hard; she already had way more information to digest than she could actually cope with. She glanced over to the two boys again, whose argument had developed into issues over their ties.

"Guys, do you guys just want to get a room? 'Cause we'd really like to get some rest-"

"SHUT UP!" They yelled in unison, not bothering to break eye contact with one another.

Isaviel, shocked by their sudden outburst, jumped and slipped, causing her to fall backwards over the wall and land - rather painfully - on her back on a patch of grass around the edge of the courtyard. Theoli shot them a dismayed look, though it went unnoticed by the intended receivers. "Rude!" She called to them before jumping off the other side of the wall to see if Isaviel was alive. Which she was. Just. "Christ, are you okay?"

"Yes, my child," Isaviel said, groaning and kicking out so that she slid a little further from the wall in order to give herself enough room to stand. "That really bloody hurt."

"No kidding, that was an impressive drop."

After checking that everything was where it should be and nothing was broken, she sat cross-legged, listening to the continuing fight. "I feel spiteful. Let's nosey around," Isaviel said, a mischievous grin tugging at her lips.

Theoli returned the grin. "Just what I was thinking."

The two peered over the wall to check the boys were still pre-occupied - which yes, they very much were - and then, in true espionage style, they ran along the wall crouched low so that the boys wouldn't see them. Part of Isaviel wished she could see their faces when they realised that their charges had made a hasty getaway but it was worth it just to imagine it all. She gave a gleeful giggle and clapped her hands, getting a strange look from Theoli.

"Sorry. Just wondering what Tweedledum and Tweedledee will say when they stop bitch-fighting."

Theoli snorted. "Who cares?"

"Point."

"So. Where do we go?"

"I..." Isaviel hesitated. "Okay, this may sound weird, but in the context we're in it probably makes sense. I think I saw someone flying over in that direction." She pointed in the general area she saw the figure earlier.

"...flying."

"On a broomstick."

"On a-" Theoli stopped and thought for a while. "Well. I guess... witches."

"Yeah. I'm not actually sure it was what I think it was though, so I say we should go look."

"Meh," Theoli shrugged. "I guess we've nothing better to do."

The two tried to take in their surroundings as they walked on, looking at all the windows and tall towers, seeing, once or twice, small groups of other students who were hanging around generally chilling out. They managed to slip past these students without being noticed, and noted that the group was always made of students from one particular house.

When they came out the other side of the school grounds they saw a huge field with tall stands dotted around the edges. High up in the sky were several people, all on broomsticks, flying haphazardly in any and all directions. Isaviel grabbed Theoli's sleeve as the two girls stared skywards, mouths open.

"Oh my GOD, CB," she whispered, tugging on the sleeve.

"I know."

"They're on brooms, CB."

"I _know_."

"They're flying, CB. FLYING!"

"I KNOW." Theoli yanked her sleeve back. "I'm going to take a closer look."

"How, fly?"

Theo gave her an unimpressed stare. "No, go up into the stands." She headed towards the nearest of the large stands, which was covered in the Blue and Bronze colours of Ravenclaw. There was nobody in them so she assumed it would be fine.

"Ooh, good idea, wait for me!"

After their epic climb to the top - during which they had to take breaks before they died of heart attacks - they took seats at the front and looked out across what they assumed was a pitch of some sort. They watched the group of flyers for a while (who were all wearing lavish robes of red and gold), working out the rules of the game as much as they could and only succeeding in totally confusing themselves. They were deep in discussion about what the rules actually were when they heard a distant cry of "Look out!"

The girls looked over and saw a solid-looking ball heading directly for them at an incredible speed. Eyes widening in horror, they just about managed to push away from each other as the object zipped between them and crashed right through the back of the stand without even slowing down at the obstruction. Theoli was dumbfounded and unable to move, clinging to the seat that she had fallen onto. Isaviel peered through the hole. "What the hell-"

For the second time that day, Isaviel was cut short by an object hitting her square in the face, thankfully not moving as fast as it had been when it made the hole, most probably because of it's sudden direction change. Either way, Isaviel was violently knocked back and fell over the stand's railing, losing consciousness as she fell.

* * *

When Isaviel returned to consciousness she sat bolt upright, giving a shout of "NO, FRODO! DON'T GIVE IN TO THE RING!" The wave of intense nausea that washed over her made her regret the action almost immediately and she fell backwards onto the soft pillow, groaning, eyes shut tightly with the back of her hand shielding them. "I feel like my face has been run over by a bus. Repeatedly. 

A snort. Then a familiar voice quipped, "You look like it too, Fish."

The injured girl opened one eye and moved her hand so she could see her compadre. "Thanks. It's nice to know that you're there for me in my hour of need." Once the nausea dissipated some, she moved her hand and opened her eyes and noted that she was probably in a medical room. Pushing herself into an upright position, she turned back to Theoli. "What happened?"

"Bludger smashed you right in the face." Theoli was eying a bag of sweets on the bedside table for a moment, then turned her attention to Isaviel, eyes brightening as she recalled the excitement. "You should have SEEN it! It was so cool! The guys on the brooms came WOOSHing over, and one hit the bludger - that's what they told me it was called, the ball thing - and it ZOOMed off, but then you FELL. God, that was so scary. THEN another one of the guys SWOOPs down and catches you and you were - I shit you not - not even 2 meters from the ground!" Theoli was stood on her chair, acting out each of the exciting moments of her story.

Isaviel smiled as much as her broken face would allow. "Good to see someone enjoyed the show."

"Seriously. Speaking of which, Severus and Sirius are getting a right telling-off from Dumbledore and two other teachers. It's been going on for about an hour now."

"Ah, the Tweedletwins found us."

"Actually, _we_ found _them_. I told Dumbledore that they were arguing so we decided to try and find the common rooms ourselves. We went back to where we'd left them and they were still there, arguing about whose fault it was that we'd wandered off..." She began eyeing the bag of sweets again. "Are you going to open those?"

Isaviel saw the small bag. "Are they for me?"

"I guess so."

"Well, you can open them if you want. Be careful of the snot flavoured ones, though."

Theoli laughed. "And the earwax ones?"

"Yes!"

The two fell silent. "...wait, what?" Another awkward silence before the two start speaking simultaneously.

"How do you know-"

"What do you mean-"

Silence again. Theoli put the bag back. "I think I might pass on these."

"May be a good idea."

The doors opened and Dumbledore came in, followed by three boys, one of whom was dressed like the people who were flying around on their brooms earlier. Theoli leaned in. "That's the one who caught you. The one in the Quidditch robes."

"Quidditch?"

"The game they were playing. They taught me all the rules while you were out cold."

"Tell me later," Isaviel said quickly as the group got close.

"Good evening, Miss Fortesque. I trust you're feeling alright?"

"Yes, thanks," she said, smiling as much as she could. "Though my face hurts."

"Indeed. You had broken practically all the bones in your face, I hear." Dumbledore chuckled at the look of horror on the young girl's face. "Don't worry; they're all mended so the most you will have to deal with is the aches and bruises."

Isaviel gave a sigh of relief, readily accepting the explanation that her face was broken but was _obviously_ now mended. She looked to Severus and Sirius - who were looking at their feet - then at the nameless boy, who was resting his chin on his hands on the top of the handle of his broom, looking quite bored. Dumbledore turned to the Quidditch player. "This is James Potter," he said, then looked back to Isaviel with a smile. "I am led to believe he made an excellent catch as you fell from the stand."

James grinned and gave a short salute as way of greeting. Isaviel smiled. "Thanks."

"I tend to have a habit of making girls fall into my lap," he said, giving a cheeky wink to which the girls rolled their eyes. He looked at Dumbledore. "Too much?"

The headmaster shook his head. "Probably, but since when has that stopped you?"

"You know me so well, sir. May I go now? The team briefing's being held up."

The headmaster gave a warm smile. "Of course, thank you for staying."

James smiled to each of the girls then tapped Sirius on the shoulder to give him a thumbs up and a sympathetic grin before making an exit. The warmth and kindness in Dumbledore's face drained away as he turned to look at the two remaining boys. "Now," he began, voice devoid of any emotion. "What am I to do with you? First you are caught fighting in the hallways and now you ignored a direct request to escort these ladies _safely_ to their respective common rooms, resulting in one serious injury."

The boys said nothing.

"She could have been killed, do you boys realise this?"

They nodded, still silent.

The headmaster gave a heavy sigh, suddenly looking weary enough for Theoli to get up and offer her chair to him. He took her offer with a grateful smile. "Severus, Sirius, I do believe I have mentioned once today that I do not expect you to be the greatest of friends," he began, voice stern but not unkind. "I do not intend to _make_ you become friends; that would be foolish of me to even attempt. I do expect you to have enough respect for other people to carry out my requests without letting your own personal vendettas cloud your judgement."

Theoli and Isaviel exchanged dumbfounded glances before turning to the headmaster and breaking out into a hearty round of applause, earning themselves three very surprised looks. The headmaster laughed, suddenly looking less troubled. "I thank you, ladies. Now I must leave. I trust that you two will be able to carry through with my request this time?"

"Yes, sir," the boys said.

The girls waved to the headmaster as he walked past the windows, then turned to the awkwardly fidgety boys in front of them. Isaviel raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think it was possible for you two to stay so quiet for so long."

Sirius flushed, angrily, and gave her a glare.

"Don't you do the whole 'I hate Slytherins' thing with me, mister," Isaviel said, indignantly. "May I remind you that I'm the one who got her face broken."

He lowered his voice and muttered. "James should have let you fall."

"Oh yes?" Theoli folded her arms, growing more irritated by the second. "And where, pray tell, would this have left you? 'Oh, it's alright, Sirius, it was the Slytherin, _totally_ not your fault even though _neither_ of you was paying _any_ sort of attention'? It's as much your responsibility as it would be Severus' responsibility if _I'd_ fallen!"

Severus raised his eyebrows and looked at Sirius, who was positively seething. Isaviel got out of the bed and tried to calm the two down. "Listen, guys, it's fine, we're all okay, we should-"

"I wasn't talking to _you_," Sirius spat. He turned back on Theoli. "You. How could you hang out with her. She's a _Slytherin_."

Theoli said nothing, waiting for a more understandable explanation of his accusation. When she realised she wasn't going to get one, she smiled at him and began to speak as if he were a little slow. "So...your point is?"

Isaviel frowned. "What's wrong with being in Slytherin?" She looked from Snape to Sirius.

"Yeah," Theoli agreed, hands on her hips. "What's _wrong_ with you people? So she's got a green tie not a red one or whatever... What's the difference?"

Before Severus or Sirius could reply Isaviel picked up the end of her tie and looked at it. "I like green."

"Me too. Still wish I was in Hufflepuff though. Yellow for the win!"

"I'm happy with green, and silver is pretty."

Sirius and Severus looked at each other, completely dumbfounded. They didn't know how to handle the two girls, and they shock seemed to have lessened their need to argue once every ten minutes. Severus cleared his throat. "You're not from around here, are you?"

Theoli smacked her forehead with palm of her hand. "Goodness, what gave it away?"

Severus ignored the comment and continued. "The houses have always had some degree of rivalry because of the House Cup and the Quidditch matches; each house wants to win and come top, and that's only natural. It's sort of seen as a bit of a betrayal to your house if you start being friendly with other houses, especially those of a... lesser status."

Before Sirius could demand what exactly was meant by the last comment, Theoli butted in. "I don't get it."

"What don't you get?"

"I just... don't get it. Why the rivalry?"

"I just explained that."

"No, you explained where the rivalry comes from but not why you bother with it."

"Well-"

Isaviel frowned. "So what, people from different houses can't be friends?"

"I didn't-"

Theoli continued. "And if we were friends before it would be destined to end?"

"That's not-"

Isaviel picked back up. "And we're somehow going to be shunned because we decide that this is the single most stupid thing we have ever heard of, EVER?"

Theoli leapt back from Isaviel. "SHUN! SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER!"

Isaviel snorted, ignoring her friend's sudden outburst. "What we're saying is, you don't have to be friends, and your view of him-" she said, pointing to Severus and then to Sirius. "-is perfectly fine. Letting it convince you that all Gryffindors are like that and you'll hate them all is just stupid."

"Rivalry is fine, it's healthy in small doses. Rivalry that promotes hate is just wrong and it only leads to bad things." Theoli nodded, profoundly.

"Wise, wise words, Theo. Channelling Dumbledore?"

"Naturally," she said, winking.

"Oh, fine," Sirius said, defeated. "Just don't say we didn't warn you."

"I do believe that we are not the ones who need warning."

"Miss Runkle, I do believe you're right."

"Why thankyou, Miss Bate- I mean, Miss Fortesque."

"Whatever," Severus said, shaking his head. "Whatever you decide is up to you, I suppose. Just don't lose your house any points and you'll be fine."

"Right. Points good."

"We should get back to the common room. You'll need to meet the other Gryffindors before you go to sleep," Sirius headed towards the door, shoulders hunched and hands in his pocket. "I'll be waiting outside."

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, amigo."

"Damn right."

Theoli put her fist to her heart. "Stay mellow."

Isaviel mirrored the action. "Naturally. Peace out."

"Word."

Theoli left, following Sirius along the corridor, leaving Isaviel to put her shoes back on whilst Severus waited for her. Once she was ready they left, heading the opposite direction that Theoli and Sirius had taken, walking in total silence until they finally reached the entrance where Severus turned to face her. "Listen, your sentiments about your Gryffindor friend are fine and would probably be just about tolerated if you do well enough for the house," he began in a hushed voice. "But there are some people who would persecute you for it, especially if she's a mudblood."

Isaviel grimaced. "That's a horrible thing to say."

"That as may be, I'm just warning you. Be careful who you talk so freely around."

"Does this include you?"

"I..." He frowned. "Let's go."

_Nice dodge, _she thought, following Snape through into the common room.

* * *

**Reviews would be loved. ;D **

**Also, forgive me for any spelling mistakes. I tried to weed them all out, I promise.  
**


	4. The Crane and The Manatee

**A/N:** I'm not entirely convinced by this chapter. It started off well, but ended sort of... meh. :P It's also occurred to me that the story doesn't really have much of a plot right now (not that it surprises me, self-inserts rarely have a tangible plot, do they? XD), but one will be unearthed soon. It will involve much heroic action and life-saving on our parts, obviously. ;)

I'm aware that Lucius would most probably not be at the school when the Marauders finally mastered their Animagus form, but I'm being very vague and non-specific here. XD Forgive me?

**Summary: **Two girls stumble across a mysterious store, where they buy mysterious amulets and receive mysterious warnings. When they ignore these words, they literally "fall into" the Harry Potter world. Hilarity and hijinks ensue.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Pocketfish (Isaviel Bates) and Cheerbear (Theoli Runkle), however, belong to myself and Rusty Nail, respectively.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Four: The Crane and The Manatee**

The evening had gone smoothly enough for Isaviel; Severus had introduced her to most of the 'important' members of Slytherin and for the most part she behaved herself. She got a few disapproving looks when it came out that her best friend was a Gryffindor but nobody seemed to dwell on it for too long. Severus helped her to avoid the topic of the purity of her blood since she didn't know if she was a 'pureblood' or not. Isaviel assumed she must be if it was a criterion for being a Slytherin but made a note to try and ask Dumbledore at the next available opportunity.

She was now lying in bed, unable to sleep because of the dull ache that was spreading across her face - it was like when you try to sleep with a migraine and it feels as if your pillow is made of concrete; in other words, pointless and frustrating. Luckily her bed was closest to the door so she was able to sneak out without making any noise.

When she got to the top of the stairs she saw a lone figure sat on one of the comfy chairs that circled the fire, which was roaring with life and gave the whole room comforting warmth. Recognising Severus, she descended the staircase and heading towards him. "Evenin'."

Severus glanced over, "Morning. It's about half 2."

"Really?" She needed to get a watch, "So what are you doing up?"

He motioned to the piece of parchment he was writing on, "Homework."

Isaviel tutted, sitting in one of the many free chairs huddled around the fire. "Last minute homework scramble?"

Severus pursed his lips. "Actually, I had it done, but Black threw it into the lake." He sounded less than happy about sharing this piece of information. Isaviel figured that the homework was the reason the two had been caught fighting earlier that afternoon - not that it took a brain surgeon to work it out. After a moment he continued, a shrewd smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Though I did manage to throwhis bag into the lake. So why are you up?"

"Broken face."

"Ah, yeah," he said, looking at her for the first time since she'd sat down. The bruises had grown a dark purple and were in patches across her eyes and cheeks. "If it's that painful-"

Isaviel waved off the rest of the sentence. "Naw. It's more of a dull ache, really. Much better than what it would be like if my face had remained _actually_ broken." She felt her nose for a moment, wincing when she got to a particularly tender spot. "And hey, I got my first war wound."

Severus snorted, and then went back to his homework. "I don't envy you for it. The injury or the debt you owe Potter."

Isaviel glanced over, hand still on her nose as if she were worried it would fall off. "What?"

"Potter. He saved your life and he won't hesitate to remind you at every given opportunity."

"Well, if he needs an egowank, let him," she said, giving a small shrug, "I've got no problem admitting he caught me."

"He and Black will make sure you don't forget that you owe him."

Isaviel quirked an eyebrow; "I hope you're not insinuating that they'll want what I think you're insinuating."

Severus nearly dropped his books onto the floor at the suggestion, turning an interesting shade of purple as he began spluttering about not knowing what she was hinting at. After he had put the books onto the table in front of them for safekeeping he regained his composure, muttering, "That is most certainly NOT what I was implying they would want."

"Why do you dislike them so much anyway? What did they do to you?"

The boy remained silent for a moment, tensing up. Isaviel noticed that the hand in which he held his quill was shaking ever so slightly but whether this was through rage or fear she could only guess. She was about to change the topic when he replied. "Everything. Anything." He started chewing on his lip. "They... don't really like me much."

Isaviel didn't really know what to say; for all the tough times she might have come through - and 'tough times' was a rather subjective phrase to use - she'd never been bullied. From what she'd read about in magazines and in articles bullying is possibly the worst thing one human being could do to another and caused nothing but hurt and misery for the victim. Knowing all of this was one thing, experiencing it for oneself was something altogether different. "Well I like you," she offered, more as a question than a statement.

He glanced over and raised an eyebrow.

"I don't mean that way," she said, flustered, flailing her arms like a moron. "I mean, earlier, when they were asking about my lineage and you knew I didn't have a clue, you covered for me. You helped me understand what they were talking about. You... you looked after me." She shrugged. "You looked after me when you don't even know me, really. If that's not the sign of a good friend, I dunno what is."

Severus gave a small smile. "Thanks."

"Anytime," She returned the smile. "Wait, didn't someone say it was Saturday tomorrow?"

"Yes, why?"

"...well. You're doing homework now, when you could do it in the morning?" She looked at him as if he was insane. "Are you sure _you_ didn't get a knock from a bludger?"

"I'd rather get it done and over with, which is why it was finished in the first place."

"Oh. That's actually a pretty good idea."

"Thank you. You know, you should probably go get some rest."

"Want me to go?"

"No, that's not how I meant it," Severus said quickly. "I mean you should rest... your... err, face?" He grimaced at his own words. Isaviel burst out laughing, the idea of resting her _face_ proving far too funny for her to take. After a moment, a rather insulted Severus couldn't help but chuckle with her.

Once she had recovered, Isaviel stretched out across the couch. "I think I'll stay and keep you company if you don't mind. 'Sides, it's Saturday."

Severus said nothing and continued with his homework, watched by an intrigued Isaviel.

II.

Breakfast was shaping up to be a pretty dull affair for both Isaviel and Theoli, who were forced to sit on opposite sides of the grand hall where all their meals would be served. Theoli had called her over but Sirius had whispered something into her ear and her face fell; no doubt the same as what Lucius Malfoy had said to Isaviel about houses not mixing during mealtimes. It wasn't fair, they had a lot to sort out and they had extremely limited time to do it because of some stupid gorram rules that the students followed as law.

Still, it probably wasn't a good idea for them to be making a bad impression at such an early stage of... whatever reason they were there in the first place. She'd wring a proper answer out of Dumbledore's shiny beard if it was the last thing she ever did. Isaviel was right in the middle of causing a potentially disastrous mass collision on her plate between a train of beans and a sausage-Hindenburg when Snape leaned in and whispered to her.

"I think someone's trying to get your attention."

She looked across the hall at Theoli, who waved. She then held a finger up to signal her to wait a moment, and then looked down to the table, putting something into her hands and then looked back up with a mischievous grin. Holding her hands out, she blew gently, and something flew out of her hands and into the air, fluttering around in small circles before Theoli gave another gust of breath to send it floating across the hall. The chattering and talking among housemates stopped gradually as they noticed the small object and all eyes followed it as it made its perilous journey. As it got closer Isaviel realised it was an origami crane which landed on the table in front of her not a minute later. She gave Theoli a questioning look, to which she made a motion to open it up.

Inside was written; "How _gay_ is this?"

Isaviel gave a bark of laughter, then clamped her hands over her mouth, realising every pair of eyes in the hall was staring directly at her. She then smoothed the piece of paper out and began folding it. Hushed whispers spread as she folded, waiting to see what animal she would come up with to rival the grace of the crane. What the produced wasn't exactly what people were expecting.

Snape gave a confused look. "...what is _that_?"

"A manatee," she whispered proudly, not wanting to give the game away to anyone else. Then, mimicking the actions of her friend across the divide she blew the piece of art out of her hand. At first it flew well, soaring high into the air as if it were diving through water, but after a moment it stopped dead and then began to wiggle and flail it's way across the hall at an extremely slow pace. Everyone stared, open-mouthed, not sure whether they should laugh or pretend not to have seen. Theoli - who had also been staring in surprise - slowly began to look more and more irritated as the origami manatee continued to wiggle and flail.

Finally losing her patience when it finally got past the second table, she stood up. "CHOOSE A FASTER ANIMAL, DAMMIT!" She bellowed before stomping across and snatching the manatee out of the air and returning to her seat. Sirius looked at the paper creation and wrinkled his nose.

"What the hell is _that_?" He wasn't bothering to keep his voice down. "A walrus?"

It was Isaviel's turn to stand. "IT'S A BLOODY MANATEE, YOU _DOG_!"

Sirius and James stared at her, wide-eyed, as the two boys opposite them dropped their cutlery with a loud clatter; one even seemed to be choking on his breakfast and had to have someone smack him on the back to bring up the offending blockage. Isaviel gave a sheepish laugh and then sat down, slowly, vaguely aware that Lucius was giving her one of the most disgusted looks she had ever seen and extremely thankful that no teachers were in the hall at the time.

III.

"Sirius, what the _hell_ are you doing?!"

Isaviel gave Theoli a bemused smile, pointing to Sirius' hand which had hold of her robes and tie to prevent escape. "What, you can't see? He's pinning me against the-"

"Shut up," he snapped. "What did you mean back there?"

"Sirius," one of the boys behind him said. "I'm sure she didn't-"

"Stay out of this."

He looked rather put out by this but stepped back nevertheless. Severus, who was being restrained by James and another boy, struggled to get free. "You let go of her!"

Sirius gave him a nasty sneer. "Don't worry, I save the worst for you."

"And they say chivalry is _dead_." Isaviel may have realised she was walking a very dangerous line had she seen the look of concern on her friend's face, but was too busy engaging in a staring match with her captor to notice. "Pinning defenceless girls against the wall, threatening and bullying? Quite a catch, aren't you?"

He ignored her. "Why did you call me a dog?"

"Because you _are_ one."

He got closer, lowering his voice. "How did you find out?"

Isaviel looked at him as if he was insane. "How did," she was confused, but severely amused, and broke into laughter as she spoke. "How did I _find_ _out_? You run around flaunting your jackassery. Not really a big secret, now, is it?"

Sirius' grip on her robes relaxed a little and a confused look crossed his features. He narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You're an asshole?" She tried, wondering if he was more than a little slow on the uptake. "Would you like me to give you the definition?"

"You mean you think I'm a dog in the asshole sense?"

"What else would I mean? That you're a cute widdle doggins?"

Sirius was about to launch a counter-offensive when a cool voice behind them made the group jump. "Is there a problem here?" Lucius Malfoy glanced across the gathering, well aware that yes, there was a very big problem but not voicing his thoughts. Severus' captors let go, letting the boy turn and shoot them an angry glower before looking at Sirius. Isaviel gave a sarcastic smile and slapped Sirius' hand away before addressing Lucius' question.

"Nah. Everything's just fine. Right?" She fixed Sirius with an icy glare, tilting her head as she spoke.

Sirius stepped back, returning the stare with equal ferocity. "Yeah. No problems here."

Lucius turned his nose up. "The headmaster wishes to see you both," he said, motioning to Isaviel and then Theoli. "He is still in the Great Hall and has said he will remain there." Without so much as a 'goodbye' he turned and left, leaving the group of younger students in a stand-off, daring one another to be the first to make a move. In the end, Theoli was the first to break the silence.

"We should go. Severus, you should leave before we do."

"Oh, Snivellus, being protected by girls?"

"Change the record, Black," Theoli snapped. "At least he doesn't _bully_ girls." She then ushered Severus along. Isaviel gave them all one last filthy look, then jogged to catch up with the other two. Once they were out of earshot, she glanced over her shoulder to check they weren't being followed. "Who were those other two?"

"Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew," Theoli said, curtly. She'd had a nice evening talking to them all the night before and was under the impression that they were all quite nice guys but this had severely dented her opinion of them. Remus, in particular, had been nothing short of charming and lovely to the newcomer but the way he'd just _let_ the situation unfold irked her more than she'd care to admit. "I'm starting to see why you two fight all the time."

Severus just gave a 'heh' as they stopped in front of the Great Hall. "I'll be in the common room." He skulked off; shoulders hunched and head down, rounding the corner and disappearing out of their sight.

"Won't they be kind of pissed at you for that?" Isaviel asked, rubbing her shoulder.

"Probably. Sirius shouldn't have done what he did... and what's wrong with your shoulder?"

"Hit it on a bit that juts out of the wall. No big. Just aches."

"You could sue for that back home." Theoli headed into the Hall. Isaviel scoffed then followed. The hall was now quite empty in contrast to how it had been not an hour ago. The food and cutlery had all been cleared away, leaving four quite plain looking wooden tables lined up with only a couple of students dotted here and there, reading or writing. Theoli spotted the headmaster, who was inspecting a nondescript patch of wall in the far corner and slowed down, slightly.

"Kind of surprised Severus didn't tell me to bugger off, though, what with me being a Gryffindor."

"He probably will sometime. Don't worry your pretty little head," she cooed, patting Theoli on the head in a rather condescending manner, earning herself a swift whack on her injured shoulder. "Ohgodow!"

They continued play-fighting as they approached the headmaster, who had apparently finished staring at the wall. "Ah, girls," he said, giving them a warm smile. "I trust you had plenty of rest?" After they nodded, he continued. "I realise that you must have plenty of questions to ask, so if you'd like to accompany me to my office, we can talk along the way. Miss Fortesque, what have you done to your shoulder?"

Isaviel froze mid shoulder-stretch. "I... um. I was viciously attacked by a wall?" Theoli smacked her forehead with her palm.

Dumbledore shrugged, seemingly accepting this explanation. "Now," he began, walking towards the doors. "What is it you'd like to ask first?" Almost simultaneously, the girls asked their own questions.

"Are we purebloods?"

"Do we have to go to lessons?"

Dumbledore laughed as they rounded the next corner. "I shall address your question first, Isaviel. Yes, you are both pure-blooded witches."

"See, this is where I have issues. We're not witches."

"The welt on your face says otherwise."

"That one's from the bludger, actually."

"Ah, my mistake."

"Sir, we _fell into_ this place. How is it people aren't finding that incredibly freaky? Because I tell you one thing, I am far beyond confused right now."

Theoli nodded. "We don't belong here."

"Alas, this is something that you will have to trust me on." He stopped for a moment and looked them each in the eye. "You girls do belong here, for reasons that I cannot give you at the moment. I only ask that you trust me enough to keep you safe and well. From major harm at least," he added, glancing at Isaviel's shoulder. "As for your question, Theoli," he said as he started walking again. "Yes, you will have to attend lessons like the rest of your housemates."

"But we don't know anything!" Theoli complained, clearly terrified at the thought of having to attend a lesson having no base knowledge whatsoever. "We don't even have the correct books!"

Dumbledore smiled. "The books can be sorted quite quickly, I assure you. The knowledge, however, is something that you already have." He looked thoughtful for a while. "Tell me, what do you know about the Draught of Living Death?"

"It's a sleeping potion so powerful it causes the drinker to fall into a very deep sleep for an indefinite period of time. I think the ingredients include asphodel, wormwood, the juice of a sopophorous bean and chopped valerian root, but I'm not sure since I've not-" She blinked. "...not made it before?"

"I'm quite sure that you girls will be fine in your lessons."

"Theoli knowing what the Draught of Living Death is doesn't help me."

"The fact that you didn't call it the Draught of _the_ Living _Dead_ suggests you know and understand exactly what your friend was just talking about."

Isaviel opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it. She repeated this action a couple more times before she actually spoke. "So... we know all this stuff. How?"

"Because you are students of Hogwarts, of course," he said as they approached the entrance to the headmaster's office. Isaviel and Theoli looked at each other, uncertain of pretty much everything and unsure about what to believe. After all, it wasn't everyday they just fell into a world where witchcraft was the norm and then found that they had some sort of magical capabilities. They followed the headmaster into his office as he waited for them to continue with their inquiries.

They attention was focused on a majestic looking red and gold coloured bird sat on its perch, looking right back at them. Dumbledore cast a glance over his shoulder and then headed over to the bird, rubbing the underside of its neck with his finger, which the bird seemed to enjoy. "I see you've noticed Fawkes."

"He's quite beautiful," Theoli said; awestruck, "what is he?"

"A phoenix."

"A phoenix?"

"Yes."

Theoli scratched her ear. "You're having us on, right? They're mythical creatures. They don't _actually_ exist..."

Fawkes gave an indignant cry, and then turned his back to the girls as a sign of his irritation at such a comment. Dumbledore gave a soft chuckle, petting the bird on the back. "Fawkes here would beg to differ."

"Oh," Theoli muttered, suddenly embarrassed; she'd charmed a paper crane across the hall, seen people flying on broomsticks, had seen someone light the fireplace in the common room with magic and didn't believe in phoenixes? The absurdity of it all. "Sorry, Fawkes. Really. Erm. You're... gorgeous? Very slim? Those feathers don't make your bird-butt look big at all?"

"Don't mind her, she's normally that spastic. She doesn't mean any offence."

Theoli gasped. "As if you're any better."

"I never claimed to be."

After a moment, Fawkes turned back around, seemingly satisfied with the apology he'd received, and went back to preening himself.

"So... why are we here?" Isaviel was intent on getting a satisfactory answer before the day was done. "And will we be able to go home?"

The old wizard fixed her with an intense stare that made her feel uncomfortable, as if he could read her thoughts and see her soul... _But that's ridiculous,_ she told herself, and she could have sworn his lips twitched a little. "You are here for the good of the future and the good of all wizard kind."

"...overdramatic, much?"

"Not at all. Your futures are tied to many of the young witches and wizards around you through those amulets you possess." He pointed to the necklaces, which had not left the girls' necks since they had been purchased at the old antique store. "It will become apparent as time passes, I promise you."

"I hate to burst that bubble, but we bought these for a tenner each at a shop back home."

"Yes, but why was it you who bought them? Why was it you whom the old lady decided to show those necklaces to?"

"I don't- Wait, how do you know about that?"

The old man's eyes twinkled with vibrancy and life. "I have my ways."

Theoli held the amulet out to him. "Can't we just give these to someone else? You? Someone who knows what they're doing?"

"Alas, no. Those who use the amulets as the prophecy dictates are the only ones who it will obey until the prophecy is fulfilled."

"Wait, prophecy?" Isaviel looked alarmed. "What prophecy, nobody told us about that. We know about the copious amounts of DOOM, but she didn't say there was any back-story to it."

"This is something I will have to look into before I tell you anything. I wouldn't want to give you any false information now, would I?" He smiled. "Don't let it cloud your hearts, for there is still plenty of time for you to enjoy the wonders of Hogwarts again."

"...again?"

Dumbledore only gave one of his knowing smiles (™) as he left his pet's side and took two leather-bound books from a shelf and held them up. "Do you know what these are?" They shook their heads no, figuring they wouldn't just be ordinary books. Dumbledore stood across the other side of his desk. "These are special diaries; they are connected to each other, allowing you to communicate with each other through them. Write on a page in one and it appears on the corresponding page of the other." He set them on the table and slid them across. "They will respond to the writing of the first who sets their quill onto the page; anyone else will find that the page will not hold the ink. It will allow you to converse even when you are unable to do so."

"Sweet!" Theoli exclaimed, picking up the one with the red leather cover.

Isaviel picked up the green one and ran her hand across the aged looking leather. "Dude..."

Then, realising what they'd both said, the girls start to laugh, getting into an argument consisting of the words "dude" and "sweet". Upon seeing Dumbledore's (and Fawkes') confused faces they fell silent, clearing their throats and muttering apologies. The headmaster shook his head, lightly, and then sat down at his desk. "As well as recognising the writing of those who first write in it, they will also only release the lock for the voice of those who first command it." He gestured for them to try.

Shrugging, the girls each spoke to their diaries. "Open."

The locks clicked and popped open to show page after page of blank parchment. The girls grinned. "Thank you sir," Theoli said. "Though... why do we get these?"

"Again, all part of the-"

"-the thing you can't tell us about yet?" Isaviel finished. "Bah, never mind. As long as we're _supposed_ to be here..." She frowned, feeling as if she had started to forget that she had a life before she fell into this world; would the two of them be able to get back? Somehow, the question didn't seem to bother her and the prospect and excitement of being at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry pushed the thoughts far back to the corner of her memory as the girls big farewell to the headmaster and headed towards the library.

* * *

**Reviews would be lurved. :D **

**So, you guys worked out any potential pairings yet? (Clearly if we are to be uberSues we need to be paired with someone. It's like, Sue Law.) The next chapter will introduce a new Sue, and will be slightly more eventful / angsty. ;D Expect fireworks (of the very bad kind) between Isaviel and Sirius!**

**Beta'd by Rusty Nail AKA Theoli**


	5. Chicken Little

**A/N:** I now introduce another Sue-Insert who is the fic personification of Sethoz from right hurr at ;D This is relatively short and less angstful than I realised because I split this chapter into two (the second half is now Chapter 6) because I think the ending of this chapter is pretty darn awesome if I do say so myself.

**Summary: **Two girls stumble across a mysterious store, where they buy mysterious amulets and receive mysterious warnings. When they ignore these words, they literally "fall into" the Harry Potter world. Hilarity and hijinks ensue.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Pocketfish (Isaviel Bates), Cheerbear (Theoli Runkle) and Sethoz, however, belong to myself, Rusty Nail and Sethoz, respectively.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts****  
**

**Chapter Five: Chicken Little**

I.

The first face they saw upon entering the library was that of James Potter, and they both knew that somewhere nearby, the other three would be lurking around. They turned to leave and for a few moments of relief they thought they'd managed to get away without being seen. If only they were that lucky.

"Oi!"

They stopped at the sound of Sirius' voice, shoulders slumped. Isaviel leaned against the wall with arms folded, staring at anywhere that wasn't at them whilst trying to look as calm and collected as possible; Sirius got on her nerves so very quickly. Theoli gave a disappointed sigh as she turned to face him. "What do you want, Sirius?"

"We want to talk to you two," he began, looking less than pleased. "You can't hang out together, you're a Gryffindor and she's a Slytherin. People are starting to talk."

"'Talk'? Sirius, we've been through this," Theoli groaned, "You can stick with your house rivalry, but we're not throwing a friendship aside for the sake of it."

"Friendship?" James asked, raising an eyebrow, catching Isaviel's attention; this was the first time she had heard him speak since that evening in the infirmary and she was interested to see just how far he and his friend's beliefs matched up, considering the boy saved her life. He took a step closer to Theoli. "Slytherins don't know the meaning of the word 'friendship'. They know how to use people; to gain favour in order to use them as a stepping stone to get whatever they want. Friendship is nothing but an inconvenience for them."

"Oh, so all Slytherins are the same, are they?"

"Pretty much."

"We've been friends for a long time, so I do think I'm a better judge of whether she's 'using me' or not." Theoli was getting more and more aggravated, hardly believing that such intelligent sounding boys could be so damn ignorant. "Where you're put doesn't matter, it's who you are that counts."

"Oh, bullshit," Sirius laughed. "That is utter bullshit and you know it.

James nodded in agreement. "You're put into houses that suit your personality; Gryffindor and Slytherin personalities just _clash_. It's better to just steer clear and not get involved with their business or their members."

"So then why did you catch me? When I fell, why did you bother? You could see I was wearing a Slytherin scarf."

James scoffed. "I could hardly let you _die_ now, can I?"

"Why not? We're from different houses," Isaviel reasoned, standing straight and stretching her shoulder, which had begun to tense up. "You just said so yourself, we don't interfere with other houses, their business or their members."

"Unless they directly involve us."

"Which it didn't."

"_Our_ team's bludger had knocked you unconscious." James and Isaviel were now standing face to face; James flanked by a smug looking Sirius and Isaviel flanked by an infuriated Theoli. Remus and Peter were holding back, looking concerned but not wanting to make matters worse for either side.

"Because I decided to climb and watch from the stand." Isaviel shrugged. "That wasn't your fault and I wasn't your responsibility, and I'm sure people who are actual spectators don't assume the player is responsible should they get hit by a stray ball from the game. Unless we want to talk about how you played Mister Suave at the Infirmary back then." Isaviel gave a nasty smile, body language giving away the fact that she was feeling intensely confrontational.

"I'm just a naturally friendly guy," James countered, equally as aggressively.

"Oh yes, I can see that from here."

James sneered. "That's not the topic at hand though, is it? You stay away from her, she's a Gryffindor now."

"_WHAT_?" Theoli's sudden screeching just about burst Isaviel's eardrum and for the next few seconds she couldn't hear out of that ear. Theoli seemed pretty angry at the boys though, so now didn't seem the best time to mention it. "You WHAT? What gives you, any of you, the right to tell me who I can and can't be friends with?!"

"We're looking out for you-"

"Well do me a favour and don't bother!" She put her fingers to her temples in disbelief. "I can't believe you, and you say Slytherin are bad? Your idea of friendship is control and prejudice," she snapped, when Sirius looked as if he was about to make a retort. "You don't like someone from _your _group talking to another and why? Because they're all meant to be mean and nasty and the Gryffindors are all brave and true? Do me a favour."

"You don't get it, do you? They're our enemy!"

"In what war? The war for house points? Because if that's all it is I would rather keep my friendship in tact, 'kay thanks."

Isaviel was about to drag Theoli away to stop the argument before it escalated when a solid object hit her across the face, right over the bruise she already had from the 'bludger incident', causing her to fall and land flat on her back, clutching her nose. She pushed herself into a sitting position and pointed an accusing finger, holding her nose with her free hand so her speech became muffled.

"'Id you jus' 'row sumdin' ad be?!"

Sirius and James, who were quite enjoying having a laugh at her expense, shook their heads. When James had enough breath he managed to wheeze, "No, a... a shoe came out..." He fell about laughing again while clutching at his stomach.

Theoli held up a shoe and looked at it in confusion. "A shoe just... appeared out of nowhere. Out of frickin' NOWHERE."

Isaviel looked from the shoe to the four (laughing) boys, then back again. She got back on her feet and checked that her nose wasn't broken or bleeding and was about to demand if someone had charmed it in some way when they noticed a shrill ring sounding around them. Remus and Peter had noticed it too, and had come closer to the group where James and Sirius were still laughing, totally oblivious. Gradually, as the ringing grew louder, even they noticed the sound, glancing around to find the source of the noise.

The ringing stopped, suddenly, replaced by a voice that called, "TALLY-HO!"

Then a girl materialised, seemingly out of thin air like the shoe that had preceded her, falling directly into the four boys and sending them careening backwards, sliding along the floor for a good few feet before coming to a natural stop. Isaviel and Theoli looked at each other, jaws slackened from mild shock, before running towards the pile of bodies.

"Oh my god, are you alright?" Theoli offered the newcomer a hand.

She gave a bright smile. "Yeah, I'm great! Good thing my fall as cushioned by this, this... What _is _this?" She put her hand down to pat the squishy things that had softened the fall, only to find herself grabbing a fistful of hair. "GACK!" She cried, rolling off the pile of boys when she realised what she was sitting on.

James groaned. "That was my hair you yanked."

Isaviel and Theoli suppressed the urge to laugh and make mention of the phrase 'what goes around comes around' and, after helping the girl up, went to detangle the pile of Gryffindors. James took Isaviel's hand after hesitating a moment, then giving a nonchalant shrug and accepting the help. Sirius, however, remained laid on the floor.

"Black, get up," Theoli scolded, assuming that he was messing around. When he didn't move, James took a closer look.

"Looks like he was knocked out by the fall."

"Oh god, I'm so sorry!" The girl began to fret. "Will he be okay?"

"C'mon, buddy, wake up." James snapped his fingers next to Sirius' face and hit his face gently with the back of his hand until the unconscious boy's eyes flittered open and he gave a groggy moan. "What happened?"

"Wouldn't you know it, mate?" James grinned, obviously relieved, "Girls really _do_ fall out of the sky." He didn't expect much sense from his friend for now, so he called Remus over to help him get to the infirmary.

Theoli looked concerned, forgetting her earlier anger. "Can we-"

"No," he said, coldly. "He's our friend. We'll take him."

So the three girls were left watching Remus and James practically carry Sirius as Peter ran ahead of them to open doors and help in any way that he could think of. The new girl seemed genuinely upset at having caused such a ruckus. Once the boys were out of sight she put her face in her hands. "What if I've hurt him? Like... _permanently_?"

Isaviel put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm pretty sure Sirius isn't one to let something like this keep him down for too long, he has way too many Slytherins to torture."

"Too damn right," Theoli said, frowning. "I still owe him an ass-kicking from earlier."

The girl looked up. "Earlier?"

"You interrupted a rather angsty fight. So thank you for that," Isaviel laughed. "We were being chastised for being friends."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, see, she is mighty Gryffindor and I am evil Slytherin. Shame on us for being friends."

"Wow, so things haven't actually changed much in my time from the old times, then?"

Theoli blinked. "...excuse me?"

"Oh, sorry!" The girl extended both hands, offering one to each girl. "My name's Sethoz, I'm from the future!"

* * *

**Reviews plz? ;D**

**Zomg! A girl from the future who falls out of the sky into James Potter's lap? Can it be true?  
Next chapter, we find out more about this mysterious newcomer, and why exactly she's come to the past.  
**


	6. Whomp'd

**A/N:** Slight seriousness in this chapter, folks. :O We shall resume our hilarity and hijinks as soon as we get some obligatory angst and danger out of the way. ;D

Also, I heard that Isa and Theo may not be Sueish enough to be Sues - GHASP! Well, they do end up being Sues of a sort (save the day, get the guy, lots of immense abilities, etc) so I thought I'd start off calling them Sues. XD If they're not, then yay! For now, though, I shall continue to call them Sues.

**Summary: **Two girls stumble across a mysterious store, where they buy mysterious amulets and receive mysterious warnings. When they ignore these words, they literally "fall into" the Harry Potter world. Hilarity and hijinks ensue.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Pocketfish (Isaviel Bates), Cheerbear (Theoli Runkle) and Sethoz, however, belong to myself, Rusty Nail and Sethoz, respectively.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Six: Whomp'd**

I.

The sunny courtyard was deceptively chilly, with a cold autumn breeze blowing through every few minutes, sending leaves scattering from branches to float softly to the ground signalling that winter was on its way. For a good few hours the three girls had sat, saying nothing, enduring the cold wind and snuggling into their robes though not really wanting to move. Theoli pulled her scarf up to cover the lower half of her face and glanced to Sethoz - the future walker - before asking a muffled, "So you come from the future?"

Sethoz nodded. "I'm from the 90's."

"Wow," Isaviel said, counting the decades on her fingers. "That's... a long time to jump."

"There's not even a way to jump that far."

"I found a way."

"How?"

"This necklace," she said, holding up a blue version of the necklaces that the girls themselves owned. Sethoz frowned at the sudden looks of disbelief she was getting. "What? It's true!"

"No, well, yeah - we believe you. It's just..." Isaviel took out the warmed up necklace from under her shirt, holding it out for a rather bewildered Sethoz to look at. After a moment Theoli did the same, holding hers out for Sethoz to examine closely.

"Woah."

"Yup," Isaviel said, putting the necklace back under her robes and wincing slightly when the cold metal touched her bare skin. She shifted it around for a while, uncomfortably, waiting impatiently for it to warm up again. "Pretty darn weird, huh?"

"Weird?" Sethoz raised an eyebrow. "How can you say this is 'weird'?"

Theoli shrugged. "It's kinda weird that you'd have one. Maybe the set was split up or something?"

Sethoz looked surprised, the realisation suddenly dawning on her. "You guys don't know about the prophecy?"

Isaviel sent her a sideways glance. "Prophecy?"

"Yeah, there's a prophecy tied to these necklaces - which there are four of, by the way." She seemed quite excited about sharing this information, and continued, hurriedly. "I can't find any information on them in any of the books in the library - not even the restricted section! - so I thought perhaps they were removed. I tried a charm on this necklace to take me back to the time it's siblings existed. So here I am."

"Does Dumbledore know you're here?"

"Which one?"

"Either. Both. Whatever."

"Dumbledore from my time knows; you didn't think I could do such a charm on my own?"

Theoli flicked at Sethoz's scarf. "Wouldn't be surprised, you _are_ a Ravenclaw, after all."

Sethoz laughed. "There are some things that you need to ask for help with. So yes, future Dumbledore knows, so I assume past Dumbledore would know if you have those necklaces." She tucked her own necklace under her robes and wrapped her robes tightly around herself. "I'm sure he knows about the prophecy."

"Well if he did, he's not telling us." Isaviel pursed her lips as she remembered their earlier encounter with the headmaster. "He said he needed to find out some more about it before he gave us any information-"

"You know, that's exactly what modern Dumbledore said," Sethoz interrupted. "Maybe coming here won't really help me find out what's going to happen with this prophecy, or what it says, for that matter." She gave a heavy sigh. "And I forgot to ask how to get back."

"You _forgot_?!"

"Between the prophecy, amulets and time travel, it slipped my mind! Before I could ask, the charm had started working and I was off."

Theoli frowned. Surely there wasn't such a powerful 'charm' that could send people back in time; if there was it would be common knowledge and used by not only the ministry but dark wizards and witches to alter the course of history. "Are you sure it was a charm?"

"I assumed so, it was some sort of spell that the amulet just reacted to."

The girls fell silent again as a particularly strong gust of wind tried to throw them off balance. The cold stone bench they were sat on hadn't warmed up in the least, and Isaviel was starting to get a numb posterior. She stood up to stretch and it was decided that they would find somewhere warmer to continue their discussion. It was also decided that they should find Severus to see if he knew of any such powerful objects in the Wizarding world. On the way, a thought occurred to the young Slytherin girl.

"Maybe you weren't sent back here to find out more about the prophecy itself, but for it to be fulfilled."

The three girls pondered on the thought silently as they made their way towards the Slytherin common room.

II.

Isaviel heaved, leaning against the wall with both hands flat against the stone surface trying to recover after having ran the entire distance between the Slytherin common room and the library where the girls had agreed to meet. Sethoz and Theoli looked at her, concerned that she may keel over and die at any moment, and patiently waited for her to catch her breath so she could tell them where the fire was.

"Severus," she heaved, "Willow," another heave, "trouble," she gave a chesty hack, causing the two girls to wince.

"Wait, slow down-"

"-no time," Isaviel continued, having finally caught her breath. "I went to find Severus and he'd apparently gone, leaving his books out. So I volunteered to look after them and decided to flick through the top one like the nosy sod I am when I found this-" She held out a piece of parchment, "-and apparently it was delivered to him by a Gryffindor girl."

Theoli took it and began to read aloud;

"Severus,

Theo and I just got some awesome news from Dumbledore that we have to share with you! Meet us by the Whomping Willow at around 3?

Cheers,

-Isaviel"

Theo blinked. "When did you send him a note?"

"I _didn't_, that's the point!" She flailed, obviously rather distressed at the turn of events. "I didn't send it and whoever did obviously wanted him at the Willow for whatever reason. Any names come to mind?"

"So he's alive, then," Sethoz muttered, darkly, suddenly regretting the worry and angst she had felt at knocking him out in the first place. "Speedy recovery, wasn't it?"

"Well, we were sat outside for like, 4 hours."

"No wonder I still can't feel my toes."

Theoli read the note over and over. "He wouldn't be daft enough to fall for this, would he? I mean... he knows you'd tell him yourself, right?" She handed the note to Sethoz, who also began to inspect it closely. "Unless he knows it's not you and has gone out of some intensely stupid idea of male bravado..."

The girls looked at each other, then at the note.

They bolted towards the Willow.

III.

When they got closer to the Willow, they saw Severus talking to the four Gryffindor boys, possibly exchanging angry words by the looks on their faces. They were stood quite far apart whilst they argued but for some reason Severus began to approach them, causing the girls to try to run faster. The next few moments happened to quickly that Isaviel wasn't sure whether she was coming or going; Sirius did something to irritate the Willow and bring it to life, then followed his friends into the hole under the tree as the tree became aware of Severus within its reach and swung it's branches at him.

"MOVE!" Someone shouted; it could have been Isaviel, she didn't really remember.

The next thing she saw was Theoli giving Severus a rugby tackle, throwing him clear out of harm's way but putting herself directly in the path of the swinging branch in his place. The heavy limb smashed into her with full force, knocking her sideways with enough power to catapult through the air, landing on the ground with a sickening crunch before tumbling along the ground like a rag doll.

Isaviel could only watch, dimly registering what was unfolding before her eyes, hearing Sethoz's scream echo around her without _really_ hearing it. She made a u-turn, slipping and falling on the damp grass then frantically crawling towards Theoli's fallen form. "CB?" She daren't touch her, worried that she could cause more harm than good. "Theo? Can you hear me?"

Sethoz dropped to her knees across the other side, leaning in close to check the injured girl's vital signs and injuries. Severus had limped over, having landed on his leg a little funny and suffered from a bit of cramp. He watched from the sidelines as Sirius and James emerged from the tree, touching a specific area to paralyse the tree whilst they got out, laughing at first as they looked to see the look on their victim's face. They went through the stages of confusion, anger, then horror as they worked out what had just happened - what they had actually done.

Behind her Isaviel could hear their voices as they got closer and whirled to face them, not bothering to hide the look of intense hatred that she felt. "You!" She hissed, glaring at Sirius with such anger that the four stopped in their tracks. Sirius swallowed his nerve and approached further, looking at Theoli with deep, and probably genuine concern. "We have to get her to the infirmary. I'll take-"

In one swift move, Isaviel had stood and drawn her wand, pointing it directly into Sirius' face. "You will take her _nowhere_."

Nobody dared to move. Nobody dared to speak. Isaviel was shaking with anger, blind to the fact that Theoli really did need to be taken to the infirmary as soon as possible. The willow stirred, shaking off its temporary paralysis but taking no further action against the people around it, knowing they were out of its reach. Sirius could not take his eyes off the Slytherin's wand, unsure about what she was going to do to him; unsure if she had the nerve but not wanting to tempt fate.

"She wasn't meant to get hurt."

"No, but you intended _someone_ to get hurt."

"We didn't-"

"Shut up!" She snapped, gripping her wand even tighter. "Take one more step," she said, slowly, "And so help me god, I will kill you myself."

"Isaviel."

Everyone looked at Theoli, beside whom Sethoz was crouched, having used a simple charm to put an invisible brace around Theoli's neck so that she could take a closer look at the injuries. She was holding her hand up, staring at the crimson red that stained the tips of her fingers and dripped down her hand. Isaviel finally realised just how bad things were looking. "Take her to the infirmary, Severus can help-"

Sirius tried to push past Isaviel. "Over my dead body."

She shoved him back as much as he could - which wasn't very far considering he was so much bigger than she was - and used her free hand to land a nicely aimed punch across his cheek and nose. She thought for a moment that she had knocked him out when he fell to the ground but to her disappointment he remained sat up, one hand steadying his weight while the other clutched his nose as she had done just that morning.

"You stay away from her," Isaviel warned. Her hand was stinging but she didn't care; she was far too angry to care.

She was vaguely aware of Sethoz and Severus carrying Theoli away in a hurry, but the majority of her attention was focused on the Gryffindor boys who hadn't moved though they now greatly outnumbered her. Sirius was holding his nose and to the young Slytherin's satisfaction blood was dripping down over his lip and trailing down to his chin, from where it fell onto his shirt. After a few minutes she put her wand back in her pocket, with what she hoped was a stoic expression on her face. Without saying a word, she turned and ran after the others, hoping that Theoli would be alright.

* * *

**Will Theoli survive? Will Sirius get his ass kicked? Will Isaviel be doing the kicking? Are these events somehow connected to this mysterious prophecy that little is known about? Will I stop asking these inane questions and get on to answering them? Err, yes. ;D**

**Thanks for the support! **


	7. Swift Recoveries and Punishments Abound

**A/N:** I am gleeful at the reviews! You're all jawesome! And when FireFox allows me to reply to them once more I shall do so! Um, I seem to have forgotten about Lily... she'll appear later on, but not now. Also, Snape may end up being OOC, because I reckon had things gone differently for him, he wouldn't be so bitter and twisted. That's what I'm telling myself, anyway. ;D So on we go!

**Summary: **Two girls stumble across a mysterious store, where they buy mysterious amulets and receive mysterious warnings. When they ignore these words, they literally "fall into" the Harry Potter world. Hilarity and hijinks ensue.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Pocketfish (Isaviel Bates), Cheerbear (Theoli Runkle) and Sethoz Anatolia, however, belong to myself, Rusty Nail and Sethoz, respectively.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Seven: Swift Recoveries and Punishments Abound **

I.

Theoli had slept for three days straight - the nurse, Madam Pomfrey, had assured Isaviel more than once that she wasn't in a coma and that they were keeping her asleep with the aid of low-strength potions so that they could fix her up without her being awake for the pain. For a while it was touch and go but thankfully Severus and Sethoz had come across the headmaster on the way to the infirmary and he had swept off, carrying the stricken girl himself at a speed the two students didn't dare try to achieve.

Isaviel, on the other hand, had not slept for three days, though she was altogether unsure about how long it had really been; the days bleed into one another. It had been a surreal affair, seeing her friend on the bed when she was finally allowed visitors, being warned that she probably wouldn't hear anything that was said. There were no tubes or probes or machines that beeped at regular intervals; it was almost as if she was sleeping, albeit looking rather battered and broken. She had been by Theoli's bedside, refusing to go to classes until she was certain that her friend would be okay. Severus had offered to bring her the work that was set during the lessons she had missed but hadn't actually made a point of giving it to her just yet.

She seemed to remember being told that Sethoz would have to stay as any regular Hogwarts student until someone worked out how she could get back to her own time, and was also given a set of books that she had read through during the time she had visited the infirmary. Isaviel appreciated the company; a silent sign of solidarity. Dumbledore had visited a few times too, not speaking but placing a hand on Isaviel's shoulder and staying for a few minutes before leaving to attend to some other business. The headmaster's presence was always comforting and intensely welcomes at such a time.

For three whole days Isaviel had remained in the infirmary and hadn't spoken a single word. Sethoz decided to voice her concern. Putting her Potions textbook down she chewed on her lip a little before speaking. "Listen... you should go eat, get some rest, breathe a little."

Isaviel looked over her shoulder. "Are the bags under my eyes that bad?"

"Looks like you've been on a major shopping trip with your face."

"Bah," Isaviel said, rubbing at her eyes as if that would make them go away. "You'll tell me if she wakes up?"

"Absolutely. They've got her on a tight schedule with these potions, after all." She smiled. "I won't move from this very spot," she proclaimed, patting the bed she was laid out on. "Well, you know, unless there's some mass accident and someone needs the bed. Even then they'll have a fight on their hands." Isaviel almost laughed, but couldn't muster the energy to do so and ended up settling with a smile. Sethoz seemed pretty satisfied with that. "Now go! Shoo! Scat! Other words meaning flee!"

"Alright, alright!"

After saying a quick goodbye to Sethoz (and Theoli) she left, spending the next few hours doing those little things people like to do when they're adamant about staying alive; eating, sleeping and taking a well-earned shower (alright, so the last one isn't really a necessity to life but who wants to stink?). She asked Severus for the work from her lessons and together they had gone through the various assignments, skirting around the topic of Theoli for a while.

Finally, Severus couldn't avoid it any more. "I'm sorry."

Isaviel had just closed her textbook and placed it on the top of the pile in front of her. "For what?"

"For..." He gave a heavy sigh. "For putting you in that position."

Isaviel gave a snort. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Severus. You didn't write that note."

"But I knew it wasn't you. I took the bait because I wanted to see what he wanted." He grimaced, recalling the events from that afternoon. "I could have moved. I know I could have, and I heard you shouting at me to move-"

_Ah,_ she thought. _So that _was _me who was shouting._

"-but I just froze."

The two fell into an uneasy silence. Around them Slytherins were coming and going, oblivious to the angst that was mounting right beside them. The thought had crossed Isaviel's mind - that Severus had let the fear overcome him, and that was the reason that Theoli had to do what she did - but the thought left her mind as quickly as it had entered; if they hadn't been there, it would have been Severus who would be in that hospital bed. The fact remains that the whole thing was orchestrated by Sirius and his little friends.

"I daresay I'd have frozen if I saw a bloody great tree about to bitchsmack me into next week," she said, matter-of-factly, before continuing with a shrewd grin, "Besides, Theoli seems to be one of those stupidly brave, fool-hardy Gryffindor types. You know; act first, think later? I don't think she'd put any blame on you at all."

"...but I..."

"Would I lie to you?" She asked, standing up. "Now, I'm gonna head back to the medical wing. I'd like it if you came along, and I'm sure CB would too."

Severus looked uncertain. "I don't know if I'd be welcome."

"Don't make me tell you twice, mister!" she barked, shocking Severus into standing in record time. She laughed and pushed Severus towards the entrance. "Come on, step to it!"

During the short journey back to the infirmary Isaviel had continued to try and convince Severus that he was entirely blameless for the whole incident. Stupid, but blameless. She hoped that Theoli would wake up so that she could tell him the same, and were just about to go in when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a familiar Gryffindor posse heading in their general direction.

"Wait inside, Sev."

Severus shook his head. "Hell no."

"Severus-"

"I'm not going in whilst they're here."

She would have argued her point but Sirius had come within earshot so she accepted his presence and stood in the middle of the hall, arms folded, waiting for him to approach. If she didn't know any better she may have assumed that the look of concern on his face was genuine and entirely for Theoli but she knew he was probably more worried about his own skin.

Sirius came to a halt two feet from her, James and Remus on either side (Peter seemed not to be there for once) and so began another stand-off, this time between the two houses whom Isaviel had tried to maintain could be friends.

"Injured again?"

Sirius sneered. "I've come to see Theoli."

"Of course, since you're the reason she's in here in the first place."

"I didn't ask her to get involved," Sirius sniffed, resentfully. "That's not my fault."

Isaviel narrowed her eyes, irritation growing steadily. "No one asked you to be a complete arse, but I suppose that's not your fault either?"

James stepped forward, "Oi, you!"

Sirius held his hand up. "It's alright, James."

Sethoz burst through the door, having caught sight of Severus who had waved her over frantically. "What's going- oh god, no. Stop it, you two."

"Tell _her_," Sirius snapped, not taking his eyes off Isaviel.

"Sirius, this is the infirmary!" Sethoz pleaded, not wanting the argument to escalate any further.

Sirius paid no heed. "If _he'd_ moved, we wouldn't be in this mess," He said, coolly, staring pointedly at Severus, who was glowering back at the trio. It was a good thing nobody came by, or needed to see Madam Pomfrey, since there was a severe danger that they would get caught up in the crossfire.

"You mean if you hadn't decided to try and make yourself look good in front of your lackeys, we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Anyone with half a brain could dodge those branches-" Sirius stopped mid sentence, aware of what he had just implied.

"What did you just say?" Isaviel felt her anger burning in her veins, pumping through her heart and mixing with the adrenaline that began coursing around her body. A low, guttural growl escaped her throat as she snarled, angrily, shoulders shuddering with pent up rage that threatened to overwhelm her. She could feel her canines elongating, pushing through her gums uncomfortably as her bared teeth suddenly appeared far more ferocious than they had before. Not liking the feelings she was experiencing, she attempted to suppress her anger, closing her eyes and taking a step back.

"What the hell is going on?!" Sirius actually sounded worried, scared even, and if Isaviel wasn't so scared herself she'd probably have enjoyed the moment more. She had felt her bones and muscle shift in the most unnatural way, and she obviously knew it wasn't normal.

_God, what the hell did I _do

Isaviel blinked, then looked backwards, past Sethoz and into the infirmary, soon followed by Severus, Sethoz and the Gryffindor boys. Without a second glance she rushed to Theoli's side, just in time to see the Gryffindor's eyes fluttering open. It took a moment but she recognised her old friend. "Eyyy," she said, groggily. "Wassup, homie?"

"Oh, nothing big. You nearly died being stupidly impressive, is all."

"Oh, awesome," Theoli coughed, throat dry and raw. "Did I get a statue?"

"We tried, but you need to actually die for one of those," Severus quipped.

Theoli laughed, though not for very long because her ribs still ached badly. "You made a funny. I like it." She squinted her eyes, staring intently at Isaviel. "Dude, were your eyes that blue before?"

Isaviel raised an eyebrow. "Are you coming onto me?"

"Oh, you _wish_," Theoli gave her the one-fingered salute just as Dumbledore entered the infirmary.

"I'm glad to see you awake, Miss Runkle," he said, chuckling when Theoli shoved her hand under the covers. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I just got smacked by the Whomping Willow. Oh, wait. No, let me start over, ask me again."

Dumbledore chuckled, but didn't ask, taking her reply as a good enough response. He turned to look at Sirius, James and Remus, who were avidly avoiding his piercing gaze. "Boys, I would like to talk to you about this incident and your punishment, so if you would wait in my office-"

"Woah, we're not invited?" Theoli looked crestfallen.

"Miss Runkle?"

"Well... I figured you'd let us all talk to get both sides of the story."

"I have both sides of the story," Dumbledore smiled. "There is no need to worry."

"But can't you talk to them here?" Theoli was clearly not going to give up without a fight, despite having been asleep for the past three days she was still as stubborn as they come. Isaviel rolled her eyes, thankful that some things will never change.

"I don't want to concern you, nor incur the wrath of Madam Pomfrey." His voice remained level and friendly as he glanced over his shoulder towards the nurse's desk. "Should she return-"

"I'll jump up onto the bed and do the timewarp to prove that I'm perfectly fine," she interrupted. Then, to Sethoz; "No pun intended."

She waved it off, smiling.

"I do think I have a right to have a say in any punishment, don't you, sir? Besides, there's nobody here."

Dumbledore pondered on this for a while. Then he gave a resigned sigh. "Alright, we shall have the meeting here, but let me warn Madam Pomfrey first. I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her."

Once Dumbledore had spoken to the nurse, who had looked incredibly unimpressed at the request but had complied nevertheless, he returned, telling everyone to take a seat on any available chairs or beds nearby. Isaviel had to admit, this was pretty darned weird; the atmosphere had grown suddenly and intensely serious and it was like holding a court session.

"Now," the headmaster began, fixing Sirius with a stare. "As we have already discussed, your actions have directly resulted in the serious injury of a fellow student - a fellow housemate, no less - and thus, the punishment will be very severe."

Sirius bowed his head but Isaviel wasn't entirely sure how sorry he actually felt until the headmaster made his next statement.

"Ordinarily, such a grave action would result in expulsion."

Sirius' head snapped back, a look of horror and shock plastered on his face. "What?!" James and Remus looked equally dismayed.

"You _intentionally_ put a student in harm's way and this is not the first time you've been in this sort of trouble, is it? This sort of behaviour is not acceptable in any society, let alone in a school."

Sirius looked at Theoli with a pleading look, apparently having had the living daylights scared out of him by the prospect of never being able to practise magic again. Theoli glanced to Isaviel, then waved her over. Isaviel hopped off the bed. "Excuse us," she said, then leant in for a hushed discussion.

"What?"

"I... I don't want them to be expelled."

Isaviel looked at Theoli in disbelief. "You could have died, Theo."

"I know, I know." She bit her lip. "But I don't want them to be expelled because of me-"

"It won't be-" she lowered her voice, suddenly aware that everyone was looking at them. "It won't be your fault, his actions got him here in the first place. He needs to learn that actions have consequences."

"Yeah, but expulsion?" She gave a short sigh. "I know, okay? I know I could have died. I know it was a stupid thing for him to do. I know that I should want him to be gone..."

"...what did he tell you?"

"What?"

"What did he tell you to make you not want him sent home?"

Theoli hesitated, glancing at Sirius. "He... his family are all Slytherins. It's bad enough that he was sorted into Gryffindor but if he was expelled..." She groaned. "Why must life be so haaaaaard?"

Isaviel shrugged. "Life's a bitch, sometimes." She thought about what Theoli had just said, the way she was thinking about Sirius' welfare and future as opposed to her own. She rarely looked back at what had happened but looked at what _may_ happen due to actions you're about to take. Granted, she sometimes doesn't stop to let these thoughts register, but she was still a true Gryffindor, through and through. "But, you do what you feel is right. I may not like it, but I'm sure I'll deal." She gave a smile, then went back to her place on the bed as Theoli waved Severus over to talk about her decision.

He seemed a little disappointed, but nodded, understanding her reasons. Isaviel wondered why Sirius and James didn't give Severus a chance; he was a decent enough guy, apart from the whole 'wanting to be accepted and saying anything to do so' thing he has going on. Then again, Sirius seemed to suffer from the same thing. When Severus returned to his spot between Sethoz and herself, she asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah. Guess I'll have to be."

"Don't worry, I've a feeling things will change pretty soon.

"Optimistic, much?"

"Not normally," she said, grinning.

The headmaster cleared his throat. "Do you have something to say, Miss Runkle?"

"Yeah... I don't think they should be expelled."

The boys' faces lit up, and they mouthed words of thanks which went unnoticed.

"But they do need to be punished."

"Naturally," Dumbledore said, smiling. "You have something in mind?"

"Well, first, as much as I hate to say it, points should probably be taken off-"

"-and added for what Theoli did," Severus piped up, then fell silent, blushing furiously.

Theoli grinned. "Why thank you. Next," she said, looking towards the headmaster again. "No privileges. That includes Hogsmeade, free time and Quidditch." Sirius and James' looks of elation crumbled, somewhat. "And detention, giving them the most mundane and menial tasks you could ever hope to give someone."

Isaviel wondered if this was a better deal than expulsion, but said nothing, electing to giggle to herself.

"And lastly - and this is a big one - they must perform, before dinner, a heartfelt rendition of the llama song, which Isaviel and I will teach them, of course."

Isaviel could barely contain her laughter.

"The _what_ song?" Sirius looked somewhere between horrified and confused.

"The llama song. Oh, don't worry, we'll be teaching you the whole thing." Theoli smiled, happily. "Oh! And a public apology, of course, both to his housemates and Severus." Severus looked at Theoli, alarmed, but she continued on regardless. "Is that reasonable enough, sir?"

Dumbledore shook his head, chuckling. "Points lost, detentions with mundane tasks, lack of privileges and public humiliation on top of that? Perhaps expulsion wouldn't be so bad, hm, Sirius?" He looked at the three boys. "It's up to you."

"I'd like to add," said Sethoz. "That Peter should be included in this. Him not being here doesn't excuse him from anything."

"Quite right, Miss Anatolia."

James, Remus and Sirius were in discussions for a very long time, which was pretty damn funny considering how horrified they were at the thought of being expelled. After a while, they broke apart, looking somewhat disheartened. Sirius stood up. "We'd rather not be expelled, so we're going to accept the other punishments." He seemed to have to force the words out. "We'll do the whole thing."

Theoli snickered, steepling her fingers together. "Eeeexcellent."

Isaviel grinned, knowing that she and Theoli were going to enjoy the next few days, and not in the least bit bothered that the memories of their old lives seemed to have slipped away for good.

* * *

**And there we have it, Theoli is a brave, true hearted friend who is also an evil, devious wench. Oh how we loves her. XD Also, it's like, midnight here, so my brain isn't really functioning. Please forgive me any spelling or grammatical errors. I can't brain today, I has the dumb. **

**Reviews plz:D**


	8. The Prophecy Becomes Apparent, Sort Of

**A/N:** So we finally find out a little more about why the girls were sent to Hogwarts, and how exactly it is that they know all of this stuff about magical stuff when clearly they haven't ever performed any magic before. Isaviel will also find out what it was that happened to her during her argument with Sirius. ;D

-Tangent- I think Isaviel needs to develop immense guitar-playing abilities soon. XD

And... I seem to think this fic is getting a little too serious. As you can tell from the ending, the next one shall be chock-full of LOLz.

**Summary: **Two girls stumble across a mysterious store, where they buy mysterious amulets and receive mysterious warnings. When they ignore these words, they literally "fall into" the Harry Potter world. Hilarity and hijinks ensue.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Pocketfish (Isaviel Bates), Cheerbear (Theoli Runkle) and Sethoz Anatolia, however, belong to myself, Rusty Nail and Sethoz, respectively. Also, the llama song doesn't belong to me either, but I damn well wish it did.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Eight: The Prophecy Becomes Apparent... Sort Of**

I.

"This is hopeless," Sirius groaned, reading the sheet of parchment on which the lyrics were written for about the fiftieth time. He, James, Remus and Peter were sat in the library, trying to memorise the lyrics they had to perform later that night. Not too far away, Isaviel and the recently discharged Theoli were getting on with the homework they had missed whilst keeping a very close eye on proceedings nearby.

"We're never going to be able to do this," James said, echoing his friend's sentiment.

Remus sighed. "It's either this or expulsion, guys. I know which I prefer."

"I'm not too sure now. She's laughing at us, I just know it." Sirius sent glared at Isaviel, who was too busy chatting to notice or care.

"This was Theoli's idea," Remus reminded him. "Isaviel was all for having us expelled." When he didn't get a reply, he rolled his eyes and gave up trying. He had been meaning to talk to Isaviel ever since the confrontation but hadn't found the opportunity; now seemed to be as good as any. Getting up (and ignoring the questioning looks) he approached and tapped her on the shoulder.

"I've told you, it's llama _llama_ mushroom llama, llama _llama_ duck."

"Err..."

Isaviel turned. "Oh, hi Remus. Sorry, thought it was Sirius. Again."

Remus smiled. "No, though he's still struggling. I think he's expecting some deeper meaning behind the lyrics or something."

Theoli snorted. "What, like playing it backwards will spell out satanic messages?"

"Or messages about what idiots we were."

"No," Theoli laughed. "No hidden messages. Just a humiliatingly random song for you to sing."

"He won't believe that."

"I expect no less. What can we do ya for?"

"Actually, I was wondering if I could have a word with Isaviel." He fidgeted for a moment. "In private."

Isaviel glanced over and Theoli gave a shrug as if to say 'go ahead'. She stood and followed Remus out into the hallways, ignoring the confused looks and hissing that Sirius was aiming at his friend. They began to walk, slowly and in silence, until there weren't as many people around. Remus looked thoughtful for a while before he spoke. "About the other day... outside the infirmary... Well, firstly, I apologise. It's not normally how I would prefer hospital visits to go, but there we have it."

"Why didn't you stop them?"

"I ask myself the same thing," he sighed, coming to a stop and leaning against the wall beside a nearby window. "I can't seem to gather the courage to do so."

"They're your friends. They could do with an injection of sense now and again." Isaviel sidestepped as a group of first-years rushed past them, heading outside as the season's first snowflakes began to fall. She turned and leant on the windowsill for a while, watching the snowflake falling gently to the ground. Remus moved to stand beside her.

"I guess winter's well and truly here, now."

"Guess so. So?"

"So what?" Remus was still looking out at the snow that had already begun to lay.

Isaviel sat on the sill, pressing her back against the glass, feeling it's coldness through her shirt. "You said 'firstly'. Next port of call is...?"

"Oh, yes." He frowned a little. "Well... during the heated discussion you and Sirius were having, something happened to you."

Isaviel's eyes widened. In all honesty, the moment where she had felt herself physically changing had totally slipped her mind in all the excitement over Theoli waking up and the subsequent plotting of punishment a la revenge. She supposed it was something that one shouldn't really be forgetting but she couldn't help it.

"So you know what I'm talking about."

"Err, yeah. I'd just kinda... forgotten about it?" She gave a feeble laugh.

Remus gave a sideways glance. "You _forgot_?"

Isaviel stuck her tongue out in response. Then, another while later. "Do you know what it... what's wrong with me?"

"I doubt it's an illness, if that's what you're worried about. Then again, it's not exactly normal either. I was just wondering if you'd been able to find anything out."

"No, too busy making plans for your humiliation," she said, offhandedly. "Oh, err, sorry."

Remus rolled his eyes, but gave a good natured smirk. "There's one theory I had but it would have taken years of hard graft to be able to accomplish it and since the change seemed to take you by surprise I may have been wrong."

"What was your theory?"

"That you're an Animagus."

"I thought you need to be registered to be one of those?"

Remus shifted, uncomfortably. "Well yes, but there's no way for the Ministry to track any who do it illegally."

"Good point. Maybe I'm a werewolf. You know, one who changes in broad-" She broke off when she saw the look on Remus' face. He had looked away from her with an expression that seemed to be a mixture of anger and sadness that both confused and concerned the young girl. For some reason unknown to her she was about to apologise when Sethoz rounded the corner.

"Greetings chaps!" she chirped as she got closer.

Remus' previously calm and kind look had returned. "Morning, Thoz."

"You guys come from the library?"

"Yep. They're forcing us to memorise the llama song."

"Damn right we are," Isaviel, huffed, pretending not to have noticed his fleeting mood-change. "'Tis all part of the punishment!"

Sethoz laughed. "I'm sure you're not enjoying this at all."

"Not one bit."

"Oh, of course," Remus laughed. "Our humiliation is of no concern to you?" Isaviel looked towards the ceiling, innocently. "I guess I should be getting back," Remus sighed. "I still have a couple of llamas to memorise."

"Ooh, I'll join you," Thoz said, pointing to her books. "I've a crudload of homework to wade through. You know, people are right; things _were_ harder in the past."

"You two go ahead, I've gotta go do something." She skipped off towards the office before Thoz could ask any awkward questions.

II.

"Bah," Isaviel said to herself, then to the stone gargoyle which had refused to move no matter how often she'd kicked, nor how loudly she'd shouted. In the end she just gave up and sat on the floor, cross-legged, deciding to wait it out and sorely regretting the fact that she hadn't gone back to the library to get her cloak. "He's never around when you're looking for him." It was about half an hour before the headmaster showed up, looking slightly bewildered by the student sat beside the entrance to his office, just about dozing off though it was quite cold.

"Miss Fortesque, I would recommend you return to your common room for a quick snooze, it's far more comfortable there."

The young girl leapt up and rubbed her eyes. "Sorry, just got sleepy. I was looking for you, but kinda wasn't paying attention when you were saying the password - I assume there is a password, since kicking didn't work."

The headmaster laughed. "Well, for future reference, the password is-" he turned to the Gargoyle, "Cherry Bakewell." The sculpted stone leapt to the side and revealed the entrance. "I've been experimenting with different passwords, of late, to help me give up sweets, though I do miss them." He didn't speak again until they had entered the office, at which point Dumbledore had offered a cup of hot chocolate to warm her up. She gratefully accepted.

"So," The headmaster began, sitting at his desk. "What may I help you with?"

Isaviel looked into the steaming mug cupped in her hands. "This is going to sound really weird..." So she began explaining what exactly had happened to her (though omitting the part about the arguments and mentioning no specific names) and during her explanation the headmaster hadn't moved, nor interrupted her with any questions; he had sat there with that twinkle in his eye, as if he knew all of this already.

"It's not as if I'm an Animagus-"

"But you are, Miss Fortesque."

"-because they need to be registered and I think I'd remember if... wait, what?"

"You are an animagus."

"...surely that's illegal."

"It most certainly is," he commented, standing and turning his back to her to peruse the shelves of books. "Drink up before it gets cold." She did as she was told while he rand his finger along the shelf, looking for the right book. Just as Isaviel set the now-empty cup onto the desk in front of her it seems he found the right one, giving a noise of recognition before plucking it out and sitting back down.

"'The Animagi Compendium'?"

"Yes, excellent reading for any young student who has a slight to moderate interest in Animagi. I certainly recommend it as a good read," he slid the table across as he spoke. Seeing the perplexed look on Isaviel's face, he asked what was troubling her.

"Two things. First, why don't I remember trying to be an Animagus?"

"Because your memories have not fully returned to you, yet." The headmaster sighed. "You girls were sent here by the amulets that you possess to take your place in this world," he continued. "That is to say; you have always been here in this world but your consciousness was split in two for you to exist in _two_ worlds."

Isaviel tried to work this all out in her head and only succeeded in giving herself a headache. "Prophecy?"

He nodded. "By putting those amulets together, a chain of events was set off that cannot be stopped."

"Oh, great." She was sorely tempted to slam her face onto Dumbledore's desk but refrained from doing so. "We started the apocalypse."

"Not quite," he reassured her, "Things may steadily grow more serious as time progresses but for now you can remember things at your own pace."

"So, by remember..."

"You are suffering a temporary memory loss due to the shock of your two beings becoming one; you have all the knowledge and skills of your counterparts who have been students here, however, since you originally come from the same soul you are, in effect, still the same person."

"So... we congealed?" She pulled a face. "I guess it's no wonder people don't really notice us. Though... the sorting and having to be introduced?"

"I had you sorted again to make sure you had remained who you are, and I am glad to say that you did. As for your second point I am not entirely sure, but when you returned there was a momentary loss of memory where people had to get reacquainted, then would become unaware of your being a _new_ member of the school. I surmise that it must be some clause in the prophecy."

"Must be." Isaviel felt quite numb, not really sure how to react to all of this newfound information. "So the others don't know about the prophecy?"

"No," he sighed. "And even I do not know the full extent of it's reading. Only what I have just told you now. But let us move on to other things for now; you say you had another point?"

"Oh, right. Wouldn't I be in trouble for..." She glanced at the book then lowered her voice, suddenly paranoid that there were people listening into their conversation. "What we were talking about before?"

"Most probably. That is if I could remember what we were talking about all that time ago."

"What?"

"You must forgive me for I am an old wizard, I tend to forget things quite easily."

"We were talking-"

Fawkes gave a cry from his perch, seemingly giving her an exasperated look before going back to his preening. Isaviel stared blankly from the phoenix to the headmaster, the latter watching as it suddenly dawned upon Isaviel what he meant. "Oooh, I see. I mean- oh, that's a shame, sir. Perhaps you should use post-it notes?"

"Post-what notes?"

"They're little sticky labels. You write on them and stick them in a place you know you'll look to remind you of things."

"I see," Dumbledore said, a curious look on his face, "I may just give that a go."

III.

When Isaviel finally returned to the library after hiding the borrowed book under her bed she found that Severus had now joined the crew and was sitting opposite Theoli, tutoring her on one of the more complex potions that they would have to make during their next lesson. Sethoz was with the Gryffindor boys, apparently trying to teach them the llama song. Sirius looked thoroughly confused.

"This song makes no sense!"

"It's not _meant_ to, and keep your voice down," Thoz hissed, looking away from Sirius to give Isaviel a little wave, which she returned as she took a seat next to Severus.

"What did I miss?"

"Sirius asking what the song meant, what the song was really about, wanting to know if it had a history they should know about and also asking if it was some reference to an old wizarding duel or something," Theoli scoffed, setting her quill down. Isaviel rolled her eyes, then looked over the textbook open in front of Severus. He pushed it over a little so she could see easier and she smiled in thanks.

"Potions, eh?"

"Yeah, apparently this might be on the exam list. So, where did you go?"

"I needed to speak to Dumbledore," she answered, vaguely. She hated not being able to tell Severus, but they needed to get the full story before they involved anyone else. For now, only she, Theoli and Sethoz would be in on things. "Bling business."

"Ah, okay." Theoli winked to let her friend know she understood that 'bling' meant the necklaces. Severus looked confused, but continued with his homework.

"Looking forward to tonight?" Isaviel chirped in order to change the subject. "We have some extra surprises in store for the boys that they don't know about," she said to Severus. "Costumes and... shall we say, _props_."

"Please tell me it doesn't involve livestock."

"That depends on what you class as livestock," Theoli said.

Along the table, they heard Sirius give a desperately cry of; "I don't GET it!"


	9. The Llama Song

**A/N:** And here we have one of the ever-loved cracktacular chapters! I only mention because it was mentioned that this fic shouldn't get too serious. Alas, there will be an increasing amount of seriousness (since the girls have to save the day), but there will still be laughs-a-plenty. :D It's not going to turn into a seriously serious fic, just a funny fic with moments of seriousness. I will, however, try to have _at least_ one lolsome moment in each chapter, whether it's a serious chapter or not.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Pocketfish (Isaviel Bates), Cheerbear (Theoli Runkle) and Sethoz Anatolia, however, belong to myself, Rusty Nail and Sethoz, respectively. Also, the llama song doesn't belong to me either, but I damn well wish it did.

* * *

**Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Nine: The Llama Song**

I.

"He's bitching, yet again," Theoli muttered to Isaviel under her breath as she met the others outside the Great Hall. "He now wants to go back to the original plan."

"There's no time for that," Isaviel said, snickering.

"Exactly. He should have made more of an effort to learn the lyrics." Sethoz sniffed, indignantly, clearly still upset that her efforts to help him had been in vain.

Severus shook his head. "I have to admit, I do feel a little sorry for Black."

The girls stared.

"What? I can't feel sorry for him for the humiliation he's about to endure?"

"Considering what he's done to you in the past? No. No you cannot."

Severus smirked. "Well, I'm afraid I can't comply."

"Insubordination!" Isaviel gasped.

"He was such a good boy, once," Theoli lamented, sadly. "Until we came along, actually. Fancy that. So... we ready?"

Sethoz clasped her hands together in glee. "Oh god yes!"

"This is possibly _the_ event of the year, now. Although I can't imagine how everyone else found out about it," Severus said, looking pointedly at Isaviel, causing the girl to gasp and look incredibly offended. She put her hand to her chest in a 'who, me?' kind of way.

"I have no idea _what_ you mean, Severus Snape. I really don't."

"Mm-hmm, I'm sure you don't." Severus rolled his eyes. "Come on. Let's go in."

"Enjoy the show, amigos," Theoli sang as she headed towards the Gryffindor table.

Once the group had sat at their respective tables, all they had to do was wait for the show to start. The Great Hall was buzzing with excitement about what was going to happen next, for Isaviel hadn't 'let slip' anything particularly specific; just that four Gryffindor boys would be 'performing' before dinner that night. No mention of llamas was made, since there were some things that would need to be experienced for the humour to be truly appreciated. Isaviel could even hear Lucius talking about how mildly curious he was and allowed herself a sneaky grin.

Dumbledore stood up and raised his hands to silence the Hall, succeeding almost immediately in doing so. "Good evening, students. Now, I know you have heard some rumours," he glanced in Isaviel's general direction, "about a special performance for your entertainment tonight. The rumours are, indeed, true." He let the excited murmurings spread around the hall and come to a natural halt before continuing. "I do not want to keep you in suspense for any longer, so without further ado, here is the evening's entertainment." He took a seat as the student body gave a round of applause.

The doors began to open and everyone shifted in their seats to see what was coming. The looks of excitement were soon replaced by ones of utter confusion as the four boys entered the hall: Remus and Peter were dressed as farmers, with dungarees, straw hats and pitchforks; James followed behind them in a large, fuzzy llama costume; and trailing behind them all was a rather pissed off Sirius Black, wearing an incredibly fetching duck costume. The four made their way to the front of the hall and lined up in front of the head table with their backs to a bewildered teaching staff. Once the shock had worn off, severe giggling started to make its way around the hall with all eyes on the strange troupe that was stood at the front of the hall.

James cleared his throat, apparently totally at ease with it all, and the hall instantly fell silent again. "We have a short announcement to make before we carry on." He stepped back, and after a minute elbowed the duck to signify that it was his turn.

Sirius, looking incredibly unimpressed by the whole affair, sounded as though he had to force the words out. "We would like to apologise to our Gryffindor housemates for losing 200 points, this is mainly due to the fact that we..." He grimaced. "We are total morons," he snarled, much to the amusement of nearly everyone. "We would also like to apologise to a certain _Severus Snape_ for being an utter wanker to him over the years."

Severus looked as though he was about to slide under the table when all eyes were pointed towards him for a moment before returning to the four boys. Isaviel nudged him, giving the embarrassed looking boy a wink. "You," she whispered. "Will love this."

So began a short soliloquy by James simply titled 'The Llama'; an impressive little anecdote of his own creation about the wonders of the llama and how he, as a young llama boy, had to struggle through life with the prejudices against the poor, poor llama. He had the Hall roaring with laughter. The bold Gryffindor didn't seem particularly bothered about the performance nor the costume he was forced to wear, which somewhat impressed Isaviel.

"...and so, dear audience," James said, llama-head wobbling on his shoulders. "Do not doubt the wisdom and dancing skills of a llama, lest ye be challenged to a dance-off. Because seriously. You won't win."

There was a standing ovation (which included many Slytherins) for James, who bowed and lapped up the attention. Then it was the moment that they had been waiting for. James stood between Remus and Peter while Sirius was forced to stand a little further away. When the music started, the three boys started bopping up and down, Remus and Peter going down as James went up.

_Here's a llama,  
There's a llama,  
and another little llama,  
Fuzzy Llama,  
Funny Llama,  
Llama Llama-  
_  
There was a short silence as the three boys looked at Sirius, who was looking severely unhappy. After a short moment he gave a heavy sigh and then, flapping his arms and bopping, said in as deadpan a voice as anyone could ever muster, "Quack."

_Llama llama,  
cheesecake llama,  
tablet, brick, potato, llama,  
llama llama mushroom llama,  
llama llama-_

Again, deadpan: "Quack."

_I was once a tree house,  
I lived in a cake,  
but I never saw the way,  
the orange slayed the rake,  
I was only three years dead,  
but it told a tale,  
and now listen little child,  
to the safety rail!_

Sirius had, with great difficulty, sat (or rather, fallen) down onto the floor and was watching with his wings folded over his chest. At least he didn't have to quack.

_Did you ever see a llama,  
kiss a llama,  
on the llama,  
llama's llama,  
tastes of llama,  
llama llama-_

"...quack."

For the next sequence the three boys used a cardboard cut-out of Llama James as they sang the lyrics;

_Half a llama, _(The cut-out was folded in half.)  
_Twice a llama, _(James stood beside the cut-out and winked.)  
_not a llama, _(They pointed to Sirius The duck.)  
_farmer, llama, _(They pointed to the farmers, then James, who was cantering around.)  
_llama in a car, _(They shrugged.)  
_alarm a llama, _(James gave a shrill scream.)  
_llama-_

Another sigh. "Quack."

The mood of the song changed altogether, slowing down to a gentle beat. James stood forward as a spotlight fell on him and the lights around the student body fell dark. "_Is that how its told now_?" He began, choked. "_Is it oh so old_?" He sniffed, wiping a tear from the llama-head's eye.

Remus stepped forward, putting a hand on the llama's shoulders as the spotlight grew to cover him as well. "_Is it made of lemon juice_?" He began, as James clasped his hand and held back an overly dramatic sob. "_Doorknob... ankle... cold..._?"

Next it was Peter who stepped forward, looking sad and forlorn with his pitchfork in hand. "_Now our song is getting thin, we've run out of luck_..."

The three boys sang the final lines together, in perfect harmonies as taught to them by Theoli.

_Time for me to retire now,  
aaaaaand beeeecooooooome...  
aaaaaa...  
duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!_

Sirius, still sat on the floor and still looking unhappy, gave one last deadpanned; "Quack."

The entire student body was laughing, clutching the tables, hammering, clinging to each other and wiping their tears. For a moment, Isaviel was sure she was going to die laughing and Severus had to urge her to breathe for her to actually do so. Even Dumbledore was wiping a tear of laughter from his eye as he stood up again. "Thank you to James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black," he said. Sirius got the loudest roar of applause which seemed to appease him a little though he was still unhappy at what he'd had to do. They sat at the Gryffindor table, costumes and all, since they couldn't be bothered to go change and return.

"Now that we have had possibly the best laugh we've had in a long while, let us feast!"

In an instant, the tables were filled with food. Isaviel filled a plate and then dragged Severus and Sethoz to the Gryffindor table where Theoli was still giggling insanely whilst trying to grab a chicken leg from the plate in front of her.

"That," Isaviel said, sitting beside Remus. "Was bloody _brilliant_."

Sirius, who had been busy torturing a bread bun, looked over. "For you, maybe."

"No, really, that was ace!"

Sirius grumbled to himself, earning an exasperated sigh from Sethoz. "Sirius, stop being an old fart."

Before Sirius could give a snappy reply a Hufflepuff girl shuffled over to them, grinning. "Hey Deazy," Remus smiled, apparently recognising her.

"Hi," she chirped. "Just wanted to say, that was the best thing _ever_."

Isaviel caught a glimpse of a necklace the girl was wearing as it reflected the light from the bright hall. Before the Slytherin could make any enquiries, the girl had said her goodbyes and left, leaving an open-mouthed Isaviel staring after her.

"Who was that?"

"Deazy Allcock," Remus replied. "She's a Hufflepuff. Our year. Pretty nice though sometimes a little ditzy."

The group surrounding her had fallen into general chatter about the rest of their punishments as random people came to congratulate the boys on their stunning performance; even Sirius was starting to warm up to his role in the whole thing. Isaviel, however, wasn't listening. She was thinking about the necklace the Hufflepuff girl had worn, quite certain of what it was.

_Well, _Isaviel mused._ ...at least we've found the last amulet holder._


	10. Balls

**A/N:** This chapter is what filler is to anime; drawn out, mostly pointless and quite boring. XD It serves as a bridge to the next chapter, where we will begin more _hilarious_ antics as we are given a quite important job to do.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Bates, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Ten: Balls**

I.

The few weeks following the now infamous Llama Incident had been interesting, to say the least. Apparently the four Gryffindor boys and Severus had fallen into an unspoken truce whereby they were accepting his presence without mocking or generally being assholes. Likewise, they had fallen silent about the friendship between Isaviel, Theoli and now Sethoz, who was just as much a permanent fixture of the group.

Sirius had mostly gotten over his wangsting about the Llama Incident and although during the first few days he would get wound up when everyone and their dog kept quacking at him, he eventually saw the funnier side of things. Theoli, wanting to milk the experience for all it was worth, made a Llama Badge that alternated between a llama and a duck, and gave a quack every so often when Sirius was in the vicinity.

Sirius hadn't been too impressed when he'd found out when he met the large group for lunch. He'd looked at the badge and then glared at it's wearer. "Take that off."

"No."

The badge gave a loud "quack!"

"...I hate you."

Theoli gave a cheeky wink and continued to wear the badge - much to everyone's amusement... everyone that is, except Sirius - for a couple of days until the quacking got on even Theoli's nerves. Unfortunately, since she had made the damn thing impervious to charms and hexes she was forced to destroy it via stomping and they were all made to attend a short funeral held in it's honour as Theoli buried it in the ground on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. They had been standing in the snow, shivering from the intense cold, as Theoli had insisted on reading a short tribute.

"Fare thee well, fair Llama Badge," she said, teary-eyed, placing her fist to her heart and chanting once more, voice quavering with emotion, "Llama, llama, duck."

Eventually she got over her sadness (eventually being later that day, at around lunchtime) and the buzz over the Llama Incident had died down, becoming but a legend that will forever remain a part of Hogwarts' history. So they had continued through with their lessons until the second-to-last weekend before the winter holidays. Admittedly, Isaviel had been pretty lax about the whole 'prophecy' thing and once she had told Theoli and Sethoz about Deazy being the last amulet holder they seemed not to be in too much of a rush to get her on-side either. They didn't even know the entire prophecy yet, so they figured they could relax for a while. There was also the not-so-small matter of her being an Animagus, which she had _not_ told any of the others, but again, procrastination strikes again... later.

"I can't believe they set us homework for the holidays," Theoli grumbled, glaring at the three open textbooks in front of her. "Someone needs to give them the definition of the word 'holiday'."

Severus raised an eyebrow, glancing up from his own textbook, continuing to scribble notes without looking at the piece of parchment. "We're at school, what do you expect?"

"A holiday free from the evils of homework?"

Severus shook his head, burying his nose back in the textbook.

"Speaking of holidays, is everyone staying?"

"I am," Sethoz said, sadly. "...obviously. Since, you know, I'm stuck here."

Isaviel gave a sympathetic smile. "Sorry. At leas we'll keep you company."

"As will I," Severus mentioned.

"You're staying?"

The boy seemed to grimace, but Isaviel wasn't sure if it was due to her question or whatever he was reading in the book. "Yeah," he said, shortly. After a bit he decided to offer something of an explanation. "I don't really like being at home."

"Well, at least we can have a blast, eh?" Theoli said, attempting to cheer him up and sort of succeeding, since he gave her a smile.

"What are you plotting now? Honestly, you're getting to be as bad as us."

Sethoz snorted. "Nobody's _that_ bad, James."

James pouted as he, Sirius and Remus took seats along the benches. "That was harsh, Thoz. You hurt my soul. But seriously, what are you plotting?"

"Nothing," Theoli insisted. "Just talking about who's going home. None of us are, by the way."

"Snap," Sirius muttered, looking quite miserable.

Remus gave him a sympathetic glance before nodding to the girls. "I'm staying too. James is seeing if he can stay over the holidays for once."

James grinned. "They'll be fine about it. At least I hope they'll be fine about it, since I won't be on that train."

"What about Peter?"

"Packing his things as we speak."

"Packing? He still has a _week_."

"That's what we said, but he insists that he always forgets something, so if he starts now he has time to remember what he may have forgotten." Remus blinked. "Or something."

"Which reminds me, for some odd reason," Isaviel said, putting her quill down. "Remus, you know a few weeks ago, when you asked me about... that thing?" She said, vagueing it up because she couldn't be bothered to drag him outside. Remus nodded, so she continued with the vagueness despite the curious looks she was getting. "Well, turns out your theory was right."

Remus looked puzzled. "But you were-"

"Confused, I know. Apparently I forgot about it."

"You forgot."

"Come off it, you know it's possible. Besides, I remember _now_."

"Of course," Remus laughed. "I seem to recall you forgot about it before."

"Exactly." Isaviel seemed strangely proud. The others had opted to ignore the conversation and had engaged themselves in other activities; homework, chatting, and in Theoli's case quacking at Sirius.

"Have you tried it again?"

"No, I've been worried. What if I get stuck halfway?"

"You won't. Just ease yourself into it. It gets easier the more you do it."

"Have you done it before?"

"No, but I know some people who have."

Sirius had looked up and was watching the conversation with an amused look on his face. Remus caught it and asked; "...what?"

"You two want us to clear out a classroom for you? You know, so you can do this in private?" He quirked an eyebrow as Remus went a deep shade of pink, though Sirius' amusement was short-lived, cut short by the triple assault by Isaviel, Theoli and Sethoz. "Ow," he said, pouting slightly and rubbing his head. "I bruise easily, you know."

"Cry me a river, build me a bridge and get over it," Theoli muttered, going back to her homework.

Sirius sulked.

"As I was saying," Isaviel said, turning back to Remus. "I'll try it again sometime soon."

Remus was about to say something in return but saw something behind her and stopped himself. Glancing behind her, Isaviel saw Dumbledore heading in their direction, looking as cheerful as he always does. She had a pretty bad feeling about why he was heading this way, confirmed when he asked to speak to both her and Theoli for a moment.

Once they had walked to an empty part of the library, he invited the two girls to sit before taking a seat himself. "I'm sure you are wondering why I've asked to see you, but first I would like to ask you how you're getting on."

"Oh, we're plodding along," Isaviel said. "You were right, things have started to come back to us far more in recent weeks."

Theoli nodded in agreement. "I didn't know I knew this much. To be honest, it's quite scary."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Better than not knowing enough, though."

"That's true."

"Now, there is something that I would like to request of you two. As you know, each year we have a Yule Ball and each year a group of students is asked to organise everything with our help, to make it more of a student-run affair." The girls nodded, and he continued; "Unfortunately, this year's group had a bit of a falling out and all arrangements they had made were destroyed." He gave a sad sigh. "It was quite unfortunate; it was shaping up to be quite a lavish affair. But this is where you come in."

The girls exchanged glances, knowing what was coming.

"I would like for you two to pick up where the last team left off. Of course, they haven't really left anything, so it's more of a 'start from the start' things." He smiled.

"Um, isn't the ball a week today?"

"Indeed, it is."

"...we have one week to organise a ball that normally takes how long to set up?"

The headmaster thought for a while. "Around two and a half months."

"You... you really believe that's possible?"

"Miss Fortesque, anything is possible," he said, kindly. "As long as one puts their mind to it. Would you like a moment to decide?"

Isaviel looked at Theoli. Theoli shrugged. Isaviel shrugged. Theoli glanced towards the others. Isaviel nodded after glancing over as well. Theoli pursed her lips, giving an 'eh, why not?' sort of shrug. Isaviel grinned, then turned to the headmaster, who was busy inspecting his own beard.

"Sure. If you think we're up to the job."

"I most certainly do," he said, putting his beard down. "You will have access to the hall at any time during the day or night, as well as various charms to alter the look of the Hall itself. If you make a list of the things you will need - with specifics, mind you - and get it to me I will organise them for you."

"Awesome."

"If you have any questions, feel free to come to my office," Dumbledore looked at Isaviel. "I'm sure you remember the password."

"This time, yes sir." Isaviel grinned. "Committed it to my memory," she proclaimed, proudly.

"Good. Now, I hate to drop this on you and leave, but I have some business to attend to. Feel free to ask any of the members of staff for help, should you do need it. You will, of course, still have to do your homework." He stood up, with that mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Thank you, ladies."

As Dumbledore left, it dawned on them exactly how much work it's going to be to pull this off. "Dude, we have to think of a theme, then there's the food and drink, the music, the posters and _invites_..." Theoli looked dismayed. "What were we _thinking_?!"

"We'll be fine as long as we get our homework done today, then we'll have plenty of time to sort everything out."

"As long as we get all our homework done today."

They exchanged looks, then rushed back to where the others were sat, ready to beg for help to do the impossible.

II.

It was well past midnight by the time Isaviel, wearing her PJs and a snugly dressing gown, finished the last of her homework by the light of the fire that was roaring in the fireplace of the Slytherin common room. She had sent Severus to bed after his tenth yawn, stating that she was fine doing her Care of Magical Creatures essay by herself. She was pretty impressed with herself, if she was honest; she always left homework to the very, very last minute so this kind of occurrence was extremely rare for her.

The feeling didn't last very long. The sudden thought about what needed to be done for the ball flooded her thoughts and the feeling of freedom evaporated, replaced by a sense of dread. What if they failed? What if they organised the worst ball in the history of... well.. ever?

She frowned, then slapped her face, gently. "Snap out of it. Negative thought breeds negative energy." She closed her eyes and sat on the sofa, cross-legged, and started 'ohmmm'ing to herself with her hands to her side, index finger to thumb. So hard was she concentrating on her 'meditation' that she didn't hear someone coming down the stairs.

"What _are_ you doing?"

Isaviel opened an eye and glanced to her left to see a rather perplexed looking Lucius staring at her from the foot of the stairs. Isaviel put her hands down and gave a friendly smile. "Meditating," she said, getting only an sneer in reply.

"Indeed."

She watched him stalk over to a pile of books that she assumed were his and rolled her eyes. _That guy has an immense superiority complex,_ she mused, grabbing a piece of parchment to make a list of things she and Theoli would need to talk over later that day. On his way back he regarded her coldly. "I hear you and the Gryffindor have been put in charge of the Yule Ball?"

"Yep," she said, curtly, ignoring the fact that he referred to Theoli as 'the Gryffindor'.

"You have your work cut out for you there."

She twitched. "And why would that be?"

"Gryffindors are impossible to work with."

"Oh?"

"They have a nasty habit of speaking and acting before any thought penetrated their thick skulls," he drawled. "Your friend seems to be a particularly fine example of such."

"At least she doesn't come across as though she has a wand permanently shoved up her arse," she quipped, cheerfully, staring pointedly at the blonde Slytherin. "Unlike some."

He sneered again. "How vulgar."

"Mm-hmm. Speaking of which, if you don't mind, I find you quite offensive to my senses." She held a hand up at him, palm out. "Begone, foul beast!"

Lucius gave a nasty snarl as he headed towards the stairs. "Well," he said from the top, though Isaviel didn't bother looking at him. "I wish you the best of luck; you'll need it if you're wanting for this event not to be a _complete_ failure." Without waiting for a reply he turned and walked off, leaving a fuming Isaviel.

"Oh, it's _on_, bitch."


	11. The Firstish Change

**A/N:** This is probably the last update before Theoli (Rusty Nail) goes off on her jollies on top of some remote cliff somewhere in the Lake District. UU Woe. Updates may come a little slower from now on due to that fact, and also since I have to go do some job hunting. UU Double!woe. The story will most certainly _not_ be abandoned, since my love of the HP world multiplied after having seen Order of the Phoenix. -Cried her eyes out-

**EDIT:** So I added another section to the chapter, which I completely forgot about, because I am stupid. This is basically where the pairings start to become apparent. ;D

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Bates, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Eleven: The First-ish Change**

I.

"You're a _what_?!"

Isaviel clamped her hand over Theoli's mouth, giving those around them apologetic smiles; perhaps the library wasn't the best place to tell someone that you may be an Animagus. She took her hand from Theoli's mouth when she was certain the other wouldn't make much fuss. "An Animagus," she said, glancing around to make sure that nobody could overhear. "Or so Dumbledore says."

"_Dumbledore_? _Dumbledore_ knows?"

"Yes, keep your bloody voice down," Isaviel hissed. "And I'm sure you knew this."

"Sorry," Theoli muttered, before opening her mouth to speak again, though she made no sound. Closing her mouth, she thought on that for a minute. "Wait. I did? No, I did. Of course I did," she muttered to herself as Isaviel continued to sketch out some ideas for the ball. Theoli blinked. "I'm one too. We practised together, remember?"

"I do," she nodded. "I just don't know why we did it."

Theoli shrugged. "You know what you are?"

"No, can't remember."

"Me neither. For me, I mean. I reckon we should try it and see what happens."

Isaviel gave her a look. "...'see what happens'? What if something bad happens?"

"Which it _won't_."

"But-"

"You," Theoli said, crossing her arms over her chest, "are far too immersed in what-ifs to enjoy the moment. Sometimes you just have to trust your instinct, you know?"

"There's nothing wrong with being prepared," Isaviel sniffed. "I just don't want to end up some half-human, half-animal hybrid freak."

Theoli rolled her eyes. "That won't happen and you know it. Come on, please?"

"Oh, fine. As long as we get done what we need to get done for the ball." Isaviel tapped on a well-scribbled on piece of parchment, raising an eyebrow. "We still need a theme, and also to think of the décor for the hall before the day's out since we have to have invites out by tomorrow lunchtime at the _very_ latest."

In the past four days the two (with the help of their friends, of course) had sorted a great deal of things for the ball: letting people know it _was_ actually going ahead; working out how to change the appearance of the hall and its contents; hired some dancers (yes, _dancers_); sorted costumes and outfits for said dancers; and also spoken to the house elves about meals (they'd been pretty spastic about the witches being there and were overly polite, especially when they were thanked, but the girls liked them). Some of the more important things, however, still needed sorting.

"Theme, theme, theme," Theoli mumbled. "How hard is it to think of a damn Yule Ball theme?"

"Something interesting-"

"-yet unique-"

"-and original."

The girls looked at each other, then gave a synchronised sigh. Theoli waded through the various pieces of parchment before taking out a long list that had already been crossed through. "Let's start again... The Snowman movie-"

"Too muggle."

"Santa's Grotto-"

She grimaced. "Too creepy."

"North Pole?"

"Cheerful, much?"

"Snow."

"Boring."

"A cozy Christmas."

Isaviel grimaced. "No."

Theoli set the parchment down. "How about... freedom from school?"

"Too short-lived and really, what could we do with that?"

"Err... always Coca Cola?"

Isaviel snorted, then put her head onto the desk in front of her and thumped it a few times.

Theoli clicked her fingers. "Ooh, I've got it! How about an ice palace?" Theoli turned over a piece of parchment and began scribbling ideas. "The hall will be the ice-palace itself and we could charm the ceiling so it snows, obviously having countercharms so people didn't get frostbite-"

Isaviel, forehead now bright red and slightly swollen, sat upright, grinning. "Brilliant! Everything will be made of ice, with the possible exception of food."

"The ground needs to not be ice, too."

"Well yeah." Isaviel gasped, "Ice sculptures!"

"YES!"

It's a pretty good thing the library was empty at the time, because the girls were talking quite loudly in their excitement, earning a few glares from the librarian now and again. Looks like the ball would shape up pretty nicely, and even the girls were starting to have faith in themselves.

II.

Much to Isaviel's disappointment Theoli had not forgotten about their earlier deal about trying out their Animagus skills if they got their day's checklist all crossed off, and had dragged her friend to the astronomy tower. Isaviel looked worriedly at her friend. "Are you sure this is safe? What if someone comes in?"

"Then you hide, and I get rid of them," Theoli said, matter-of-factly. "We try changing one at a time for that reason."

"Why do I have to go first? You're the one who wanted to do this."

"Stop whining and do it," Theoli snapped.

"Oh, fine."

Isaviel closed her eyes and concentrated very hard. Since it was expected, the change wasn't totally unpleasant though it was one of the strangest things she had - and probably would ever - experience in her life. She could feel her bone and muscle shifting to new positions, the odd sensation of her teeth changing inside her mouth, her height becoming drastically reduced. When she could feel nothing more, she opened her eyes, not really understanding, but being aware. Apparently it was done, judging by the gasp from Theoli, who had been looking through the keyhole to make sure nobody was around whilst the change had taken place.

"Holy shit," Theoli breathed, taking tentative steps towards the creature before her. "Dude, you're a fucking _wolf_."

She cocked her head to the side, then padded over to a mirror at the back of the room. What faced her was a large-ish wolf with fur that was white-grey across her body apart from her two front paws and the tips of her ears and tail, which were a darker shade of grey. Her eyes had changed from their normally rather sedate blue to a much more piercing and vibrant shade. What was most unique about this wolf - apart from the fact that it was really a witch - was the fact that it had lavish markings around its neck; weaving lines of deep grey that reached down to what looked like a symbol, a marking with no exact meaning. It was like the necklace had remained around her neck as she had transformed.

A sound from the other side of the door drew her attention as she quickly ran to the nearest desk to change back. She resurfaced just as the door opened and Professor Sterling entered. She looked slightly bewildered when she saw the girls. "What are you two doing here? I don't have you now, do I?"

"No," Theoli said, thinking on her feet. "We needed some help for, err, the ball preparations."

The astronomy teacher's face lit up. "Oh yes?"

"Well, we were wondering, umm... We were wondering what constellations would be visible on Christmas night? We may want to have those instead of the normal ceiling to make it more... Christmassy?" Both girls knew this was quite a flimsy excuse, but Professor Sterling seemed to lap up anything that meant she could talk about constellations.

"Well," she said, taking out a notebook. "Let's see now..."

Isaviel gave Theoli a desperate look as the professor began her lengthy explanation into each and every start that would be visible that night.

III.

"Next time we do that, we need a better excuse," Theoli groaned, head on the table in the Great Hall at lunchtime.

"At least we have any night skyscape sorted?" Isaviel offered. She had zoned out part of the way through the explanation, but thankfully the professor had said she would sort out the ceiling and give us the command to change it if and when we needed it. The girls had felt a little bitter that they'd had to endure the whole explanation and then been told that they didn't really need to remember it all but were grateful for the help.

"I guess so. What do we have left to sort, anyway?"

"Specifics, what food, what drink and what music."

"Music, eh?" Theoli looked at Isaviel with a grin. "How about we ask Thoz for a little help?"

"How?"

"Well, I seem to remember her saying she needed to charge her MP3 player..."

"Oh my god, seriously?" Isaviel gave a gleeful giggle. "But wait... wouldn't that be sort of... wrong?"

"Wrong?"

"Well, they'll know songs that haven't even been written yet," Isaviel looked sad. "It'd cause more problems than we need, I think."

"Unless we try and find some sort of memory charm that makes them think they heard something else, or would just not remember the songs at all?"

"Worth a try, I suppose. Except..."

"What?"

"No Backstreet Boys."

IV.

The two girls were on their way to dinner when Sirius caught up with them.

"Hey, Theo, can I have a word, maybe?"

Isaviel waved without looking backwards as she kept walking into the dining hall, heading to the Slytherin table and taking a seat beside Severus. She wondered what Sirius had wanted to talk to Theoli about and for the few minutes before the two joined the feast she worried that there was something wrong; why were they taking so long? When the two eventually came in, Sirius headed to the Gryffindor table but Theoli sped towards her, power-walking, grabbing Isaviel, then physically dragging her out of the hall.

Isaviel clung to the wall to keep from falling over after her backwards-walk, when Theoli had suddenly let go to take a quick glance into the Hall.

"What is wrong with-"

"Heaskedmetotheball."

"Wait... what?"

"Heaskedmetotheball!" Theoli was flailing, looking slightly distressed, as if she didn't really know what to do with herself.

Isaviel didn't have a clue what she was saying, she was speaking so fast. "CB, breathe, slow down. One word at a time please."

Theoli took a deep breath. "He, asked, me, to, the, ball."

Isaviel blinked. "Sirius?"

"Yes."

"Asked you to the ball?"

"Yes!"

"Just now?"

"YES!"

Isaviel burst out laughing, finding Theoli's frantic reaction the funniest thing in the world. Theo, however, was less than amused, and had her arms folded over her chest as she waited for her friend to stop mocking her. "Are you quite finished."

"I think so," she said, heaving. "So, what did you say?"

"I said I'd think about it."

Isaviel blinked. "...you said what? Why?"

"I didn't know what to say! You saw me! When I try and talk to him seriously I seize up!"

Isaviel shook her head. "You'll have to start soon, if you want to say yes. Wait, you _do_ want to say yes, right?"

"Well, yes."

"I still don't see it. He got you almost killed."

"But he made an adorable duck. Can you tell him?"

"What?! Why me? You're going to be sitting with him!"

"But-"

"No buts," she said, grabbing Theoli by the shoulders and pushing her back into the Hall and towards the Gryffindor table. "You tell him," she whispered, then sped off back to her own house table.

Severus gave her a curious look. "What was that all about?"

Not yet replying to the question, Isaviel watched as Theoli sat beside Sirius and, red-faced, seemed to mutter something to him, which seemed to cheer him right up as he had a grin that went from ear to ear.

Grinning, Isaviel filled Severus in.


	12. Belle of the Ball

**A/N:** First off, I am SO sorry this has taken so long. I've no idea what happened. D: Forgive plz? This is mostly something I wrote whilst writing the ball chapter as a filler to let people know what happened and so forth. ;D It's not pointless, though it's fluffy. xD

Again, thank you so much for all your reviews - you're all awesome. Theoli (AKA Rusty Nail) is gone now and I'm feeling incredibly melancholy and sad. ): But I'll keep on truckin', so that she's got loads to read once she gets home! 22 days without her... Bah, I'll live... I hope. XD When you read this, Theo, you'll be home and you will see how much of a dork I am, because I will be keeping a counter in the Author's Notes to show everyone how long it is until you get home. -SIGH-

Days left: 18

And one last thing; warning for this chapter because it contains a gratuitously long description of Isa's dress and look, as per the Sue tradition. You have been warned. XD

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Twelve: Belle of the Ball**

**I.**

Isaviel breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she sat on her bed, staring out of the window as the heavy snowfall threatened to turn into a full blown blizzard; quite apt for the night of the big Yule Ball. She and Theoli had spent the whole of the Thursday and the entire morning of the Friday setting up the Great Hall with its decorations and lavish settings with help from Sethoz, who had apparently been to a Yule Ball in the future where the theme was something similar, inspired by a Yule Ball in the past that had used the Ice Palace theme (it kind of begs the question, whose ball inspired whose? The discussion came to an end when Theoli wailed that the thought gave her a migraine).

The hall had been completely iced (not in the bling-bling sense): ice-sculpture light fittings laden with icicles and lined up along the iced-blue wall; elaborate tables and chairs made of ice but charmed so they felt warm to the touch; large ice sculptures which served as fountains of punch (one of the Hogwarts crest between one of a crane and one of a manatee); a large stage at the far end of the hall where the bands and dancers could perform, in front of which there was a dance-floor for people to get their boogie on. With the headmaster's permission, the girls had even commandeered a neighbouring room and turned it into an ice-rink, creating a temporary doorway between the hall and the rink. The food had been sorted too; each table would have a mini-buffet on it that would change according to the tastes of whoever sat at the table (it took Sethoz and Remus a whole day to figure that charm out) and would refill itself accordingly.

The biggest problem they'd had was with the music; they had the music but no live bands, let alone live bands who actually knew the music that they wanted playing (which would be solely muggle music since, you know, it's awesome). In the end, they'd put all the music onto sheets and hired a damn good student-band to play the music (with the aid of a remembering spell, of course).

One last minute addition that they almost forgot had been one pretty damn important one, too; mistletoe. They were just about finished preparations when Theoli had given a desperate cry that they'd forgotten to hang mistletoe around the place. They'd managed to get a hold of some in time and suspended all the sprigs in the air, around the edges of the room.

All in all, they did a pretty damn good job. Now, however, Isaviel had to get herself all dolled up to host the thing, having had a grand total of around 5 hours sleep in the past two days. It was tough, but somebody had to do it. The past blissful half-hour had been spent doing nothing but staring out of the window at the falling snow in a sort of relaxed trance, trying to tell her brain that yes, everything had been done and no, there was no more panicking to be done nor any mayhem to cope with.

Smiling, she glanced at the clock on her bedside table and then swore loudly when she realised there was only an hour and a half until the ball started - she still had to wash and get dressed and do her hair and make-up _and_ she would have to be there to open the damn Ball.

Cue panic and mayhem.

**II. **

Severus fidgeted nervously with his dress-robes, pacing around near the foot of the stairs in the Slytherin common room, considering what exactly he was going to say to Isaviel when next he saw her. He had intended to ask her way earlier but she'd always been too busy with preparations for the ball so he'd not bothered (or he was using that as an excuse, at least). He was now quite determined to catch her before they headed to the Hall where the two girls would officially open the Ball, although his nerves were threatening to get the better of him. Still, it wasn't like she's the kind of girl to hate him if he asks, is she?

Before he had time to convince himself that it may be a good idea to keep quiet, someone next to him elbowed him and gestured towards the top of the stairs, where a good many of the Slytherin students were staring.

Her dress was a simple, yet elegant affair; a full length evening gown which had a deep, v-neck top with a clinging, ruched crossover bodice and long ruffled lower-body that pooled at her feet when she stood still and the back of the dress was very low and deep, with the straps of the dress criss-crossing across her back. The material was dark green, made of fine silk that shimmered in the light as it clung to the contours of her body. She had only one piece of jewellery on; her amulet, worn around her neck. Her black hair had been pulled back with a few braids put in, twisted and tucked with a few stray curls to frame her face and finished off with two beautiful white orchids pinned into place. Her make-up was simple, going for the natural look, with some eye-colour and dark lipstick to complete her look. The light from the fire in the common room gave her soft skin a healthy glow and made her eyes shine as she made her way down the stairs, dress flowing behind her, rippling from her movements.

Severus attempted to make his way over but Lucius Malfoy cut in front of him, giving Isaviel his best and most dazzling smile. Isaviel raised an eyebrow but smiled, politely. "Oh. Hello, Lucius."

"Good evening," he said in an overly charming voice that made Isaviel's skin crawl. "You're looking incredible tonight."

"Tonight?" She gave a sweet smile. "I don't look this stunning all the time?"

"Oh, of course," he laughed.

Isaviel wished she could punch his smarmy face into next week; during the past week he had been nothing but dreadful, wishing them 'luck' and 'hoping that they didn't make total fools of themselves'. It had gotten to a point where the girls had waited for his daily jibe and were never disappointed.

"Do you have someone to accompany you to the ball?"

"Unfortunately not," she replied, maintaining her face-shattering smile. "I haven't had the time to find someone."

He gasped. "Nobody has asked for your company to the ball? I'm quite surprised."

She gave an incredibly fake-sounding laugh and caught Severus' eye. He seemed to be struggling to keep from laughing and turned his back to the two. "Speaking of which, you wouldn't want to keep your date waiting. Enjoy the ball!" She called, shooing Lucius off and rolling his eyes when he turned his attention to Narcissa. There were times when Isaviel was sure Lucius was a skitz; one minute being a royal jackass to her and the next being nice and charming.

Severus was just about recovering from his amusement when Isaviel joined him and thwapped him over the head, making him turn and force himself to recover his composure.

"Thanks for the help back there." Isaviel put her hands on her hips and pouted, only succeeding in making him smirk and then snigger some more. After a couple of minutes trying to be serious she gave up and laughed with him. Once she calmed down, she glanced towards Lucius, who was busy woo-ing Narcissa. "Lucius Malfoy is the most aggravating man I have ever had the misfortune to meet."

"He's certainly a charmer," Severus said. "Quite popular with the ladies. Err, most of them," he added quickly, not wanting another smack over the head.

"I don't see it at all."

"Apparently Narcissa does."

"She could do better," Isaviel commented. "Waaaaay better."

"She could?" Severus gave her a dubious look. "Let's see... he's a pureblood, he's from a powerful wizarding family, has shedloads of money, his parents are _incredibly_ influential in the wizarding community and he's not _that_ bad looking, compared to others." Isaviel glanced around, inspecting each male member of Slytherin twice in order to find someone to prove him wrong, before letting out a defeated 'Bah'.

The two fell into silence, watching the interactions between the rest of their housemates for a while, watching the couples practising their dancing and generally buzzing about the Ball. It was arranged for the whole school to crowd around the doors of the Hall at the start of the hall and they'd have to leave soon.

After a while, Severus cleared his throat, then scratched the back of his hand, nervously. "You look beautiful, by the way."

Isaviel blinked, then blushed as she smiled in response. "Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself."

"I was wondering," he mumbled, fidgeting again. "If you... I mean if I... that's to say we..."

"Sometime today?" Isaviel said, totally oblivious to what he wanted to say.

"Well..." He took a deep breath, gathering up his courage. "Do you want to go to the ball? Together, I mean. Obviously. I mean you don't have to, since you're the host and you might be busy and there'll be hostly stuff to do and, err... I'll stop now."

Isaviel felt her cheeks burning as his question slowly sank in. She was starting to understand how Theoli felt when she had been asked to the hall, and had to fight hard to resist her own temptation to start flailing from happiness. Flailing was the best answer to come up with to the question of how to respond. For a minute she struggled to find the words. "Me?" she asked, rather stupidly.

Severus gave a lopsided grin, also blushing. "Well, yeah."

"I'm sorry," she started, hitting her forehead with her palm. "That was a stupid question. I mean-"

"You don't have to feel obliged."

Isaviel gave a horrified yelp. "No!" Half the common room turned to stare at her. Cringing inwardly (yet giving everyone apologetic smiles) she turned her back on the other students. "I mean-" She fiddled with her necklace, nervously. "Yes, I'd love to." She gave a sheepish smile.

Severus looked elated at her reply. "Yes! I mean... err, what's the appropriate reply to something like this?"

Isaviel thought on it as the couple followed the rest of the Slytherins as they made their way out of the common room and headed down the normal path to the Great Hall. "Um. 'Thank-you'? 'Score'? 'Chin-chin'?"

"I'll go with 'score', I think," he gave a shrewd grin.

Isaviel rolled her eyes.

"Everyone's heading to the Hall," Severus said. "We should go too."

Isaviel grabbed his arm as he headed towards the Hall with the rest of the crowd. She shook her head when he shot her a questioning look. "We," she said, winking as she dragged him down the hallway, "will be using the back entrance."

Severus quirked an eyebrow. "I'd much rather you bought me a drink, first."

This only earned him another smack over the head.


	13. Spectacular, Spectacular

**A/N:** This chapter features some awesome ideas from TheCorinne, who is made of win. ;D 3 It should also be noted that I have no frickin' idea about music from the 70s, so I doubt any of the music used here is actually _from_ that era (bar one). I mentioned earlier that a band was hired to perform the songs with the help of remembering charms and all that lark so I'm gonna go with it. ;D

So yes, sorry this took so long. XD Epic fail. But also epic length. ;D This isn't your average Yule Ball, peeps!

Days left: 16

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

Song Disclaimer at the end of the chapter (songs are mostly mentioned, and not quoted).

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Thirteen: Spectacular, Spectacular**

**I.**

Sethoz, Remus, James, Lily and Peter were at the very front of the crowd outside the Great Hall waiting for the door to open and for the ball to start. The hallways were deceptively chilly and they were all anxious to get inside and try to warm up but the doors had remained closed even as the whole student body had arrived but there were still 5 minutes until the actual announced time that the doors would open though; it wasn't as if they were late.

Sethoz glanced around as everyone started to break off into smaller groups to talk amongst themselves. "Where are Severus and Sirius?" Her yellow gown flowed around her ankles in the chilly breeze that blew through the hall, causing her to shiver, slightly.

Remus shrugged. "I don't know about Snape, Padfoot's gone to 'escort' Theo."

Sethoz gave him a strange look. "Padfoot? Where'd that nickname come from?"

James, Remus and Peter exchanged looks. "Err, I'll tell you later."

To change the subject swiftly, Peter pointed to the door. "Those are for the ball, right?"

Sethoz looked at where he was pointing. There were twp large door-knockers, one on each door, that had previously not been there, both shaped like large snowflakes. She grinned, having forgotten the question she had asked not moments before. "Yep. You wait until you see what they have planned."

Just then, the clock struck eight and loud chimes sounded through the halls and bounced off the walls. The crowds fell instantly silent, shocked into submission by the ringing that echoed long after the initial sounds had stopped. Then the door-knockers started moving of their own accord, synchronically giving three loud knocks in quick succession before they also fell silent. Just as the whispers threatened to start up again there was a splintering, cracking noise coming from the doors as slowly, the large snowflake-shapes began to cover with ice that cracked as it went. The ice began to spread across the wood with increasing speed, turning the old oak doors into what looked like huge slabs of ice.

Everyone had collectively stepped away from the door as this happened, not quite sure what to make of it. They took a further step back when the door's hinges gave a loud creak and then shuddered before the doors themselves slowly moving backwards to reveal the transformed Great Hall; the floor and walls were completely covered in ice, giving the room a blue tint to it, and the ceiling was charmed to look like a beautiful clear night-sky with the stars glinting away among the Aurora Borealis. There were plenty of tables and chairs on the left and right of the red carpet that ran down the middle of the Hall towards the dance floor and stage at the opposite end where a large banner with the Hogwarts crest was hung - there was nothing in the room to discriminate between houses; the girls had taken particular care over this detail.

In the doorway, Isaviel and Theoli were stood wearing matching cloaks that were pure white that were so long they trailed behind them. The hoods were down, showing off majestic ice-crowns around which their braided hair was wound. On one arm, their dates, Severus and Sirius - who were trying to look as if they're meant to be there, and only serving to make the rest of their little group titter and giggle - and in their other hand they were holding large staves, also made of ice.

The girls nodded to the crowd before Isaviel took a step forward. "Welcome to this year's Annual Yule Ball," she started, then raised her hand, motioning for people to look around the hall. "This is all for you to have an awesome time."

Theoli nodded. "There's music, dancing, ice-skating and food." She gave a wink. "What more could you want, eh?"

Isaviel lifted her staff slightly to hit the ground, giving a hollow sound. Right on cue, the soft sounds of Clair de Lune filled the hall as the two girls and their dates stood either side of the doorway to let people in. They greeted them one by one as they walked into the transformed Hall, each person finding that as they did so, they each had an ice-tiara on their heads (for the girls) or an ice-corsage on their breast (for the boys).

Isaviel blinked when Deazy wandered up to her and gave her a big hug whilst wearing a snowman costume. "Err, Deazy... what are you wearing?"

"Oh, this?" She was positively beaming under the bucket-hat and fake carrot-nose. "This is my outfit for the ball. Although..." She glanced around at the people in formal dress, some snickering as they saw Deazy's costume. "Did I overdo it?"

Isaviel gave a 'pfft'. "Never."

"Oh good. An ice palace isn't complete without a snowman, afterall!"

Isaviel watched as Deazy waddled off to join the crowds congregating on the dancefloor and shook her head, laughing in disbelief. Severus, who had been watching with a slack jaw, leant in to whisper, "Is she for real?"

"I think so. I wish I had that amount of confidence."

"I don't think that's confidence. I think that's just being oblivious."

"Same diff."

The last to enter the hall were the professors; there to chaperone and make sure that there were no shenanigans happening about the place. They kept to the sidelines as the girls and their dates headed up the path, with all eyes on them. Theoli tapped her staff to the ground to stop the music, then the two girls let go of their staves, letting them fall to the ground and smash into pieces. Their large crowns began to melt into smaller tiaras like the ones the female guests wore and their white cloaks dissolved, revealing their actual dresses for the ball. Once they had stepped out of their snow-queen garb they gave hearty grins.

"Now that the official stuff is over, we can turn this into a real party." Theoli gave a whistle and a spotlights focused on the stage at the far end.

_Get this party started on a Saturday night, everybody's waitin' for me to arrive..._

Everyone turned their attention to the stage, where a female singer was stood under the glaring spotlight, seemingly singing a capella.

_I got lots of style, check my gold diamond rings, I can go for miles if you know what I mean..._

The band kicked in, continuing a rock-rendition of a song that hadn't even been thought of yet, let alone written. Nobody else seemed to mind, though, since they were all busy crowding the stage, dancing to their heart's content. Isaviel could even see Deazy's bucket hat bobbing up and down among the crowd.

Isaviel gave a heavy sigh and collapsed into the nearest chair, followed closely by Theoli who took the seat next to her. "I never want to do this ever again."

Theoli nodded in agreement, grabbing a spring roll that had appeared in front of her. "Though I have to say, we totally _rocked_ this Kasbah, bitches." She gave Severus and Sirius odd looks. "...you guys _can_ sit down, you know."

"Oh, right."

Once they'd sat down they watched the band, who continued to play a random selection of songs from the 90's and naughties, and the students dancing along. They felt quite content after their mad last minute dashing trying to get everything ready, perfect and in-place. Theoli had come within inches of tearing her red and gold renaissance-style dress on a random ice stalagmite, which had made the poor girl burst into tears from the stress. Sirius apparently had that situation under control, which allowed Isaviel and Severus to create some ice-eagles and let them fly up into the rafters. The perfect final touch.

It has to be said that mad dashing in heels is very hard. Still, it had been done and they deserved those few moments of calm peace, picking at the food that kept appearing in front of them.

Not too long afterwards the others joined them, crowding round the table having tired themselves out with their boogieing. Sethoz was positively beaming. "I can't believe you guys pulled this all off, that band is _amazing_!"

Theoli grinned. "Well, we couldn't have done it without you guys."

Remus gave a heavy sigh. "We know, but we wanted you to have your moment of glory."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Remus, you're getting as bas as James."

"That's a _terrible_ thing to say, Lils." James pouted.

"You're right," Lily said, softly. "I'm sorry, Remus."

"That's _not_ what I meant."

They all laughed as James and Lily continued their 'discussion' about how bad James really is, as James counted off all of the wonderful things he'd done and Lily countered with all of the pranks he had pulled. He didn't win the battle, not by a long stretch, but he may get points for trying.

"I think we should give the ice-rink a go," Theoli suddenly proclaimed, getting onto her feet, "Since people are too preoccupied with the bands at the moment it'll be nice and empty!" Before anybody - meaning Sirius - could protest, she was dragging them through to the makeshift skate-hall.

**II. **

After around a few hours the group returned to the tables; more and more people were starting to head for the rink and it had been pretty crowded so they'd decided to take a break for now. The band had also gone to take a break, apparently, and the music playing now was recorded, taken straight from Sethoz' MP3 player. After finding an empty table - since a lot of students were now sat down to feast - they began eating... again, in Isaviel and Theoli's case.

"Excuse me? Hi." Theoli and Isaviel glanced back towards a girl they recognised as Lina, a 5th year Ravenclaw. She was smiling happily. "Just wanted to say props on this ball, it's probably the best ever."

The girls smiled in thanks as the girl wandered back to the dance floor with her date. Truth be told, Isaviel and Theoli were pretty damn proud of all that they had accomplished and learned in just this past week.

Sirius cleared his throat and whispered something to Theoli before the two headed off and began talking. James narrowed his eyes, suspiciously. "I wonder what they're talking about..."

Lily shook her head. "If he wanted you to know, he'd be saying it here."

"We should-"

"No." Lily frowned. "We most certainly should not."

"But you don't even know-"

"I know you well enough, James Potter."

"I... yeah, fine, you got me." He pouted. "I'll get it out of him later."

Isaviel rolled her eyes as she got up from her chair. "I'm going to get punch, anyone want some?" They all nodded, to which Severus began to get up as well. "I'll help."

The two wandered off, watched by Sethoz as they headed to the ice-manatee and began picking up cups to scoop the liquid into. After a couple of minutes Sirius and Theoli returned.

Theoli glanced around. "Hey, where did Isa go?"

Sethoz nodded towards the punch fountains. "Went to get punch."

Sirius suddenly looked extremely uncomfortable. "...which sculpture?"

"Manatee...why?"

Remus frowned. "What have you done?"

"I am so dead."

**III.**

Isaviel grabbed a tray for them to put all the drinks on and as Severus filled the glasses. She overheard a conversation between Dumbledore and Deazy, who seemed to just be hovering now, the latter still in her snowman costume.

"So, what exactly are 'Lady Lumps'?"

Isaviel had to apologise to Severus for nearly dropping the tray. Perhaps 'My Humps' wasn't the best choice of song for the ball.

Deazy gave a cheerful smile. "I think they're a new kind of sweet."

Isaviel was going to turn and correct her when she heard a shrill squeal and a cry of; "Get away from the fountain!" Apparently it was too late; the sculpture in front of them exploded, turning instantly back to water and covering all those in close proximity with an incredibly diluted punch. Unfortunately for them, Isaviel and Severus were the only ones getting punch at the time, and so were covered in the drink from head to toe, whereas everyone else had enough time to leap back and avoid too much damage. Isaviel blinked, mouth agape, still holding the tray, although the glasses had been knocked over by the force of the tsunami.

The hall had fallen silent from the incredible noise and the shockwave, and were now watching Isaviel intently, whispering about what could have happened. Only the music continued to play, Take a Bow blaring out across the hall, unheard.

Severus was looking at his drenched clothes and trying to wring the liquid from them, though failing to do any good whatsoever. Isaviel turned in true Carrie-style, still holding the tray, to look at the table she had come from. Sirius shifted, uneasily, trying to look like the innocent party in it all as Theoli edged away from him. Isaviel threw the tray to the ground, making a loud clattering noise.

"SIRIUS!!!"

"...shit." Sirius bolted and Isaviel gave chase.

When she got to around the middle of the hall she slid to a halt and crouched down, reaching under her dress to grab her wand, which had been strapped to her leg. She thrust her arm skywards and pointed her wand at the ceiling, screaming, "Ninguat!"

Not only did snow start falling from the sky, but 5 inches of snow appeared over the ground. Theoli sighed and took her own wand out to create snow forts in the place of the tables and chairs, much to the surprise of those who were eating at the time. They were positioned in a large square, with an open area in the center. The tables were moved to the far end of the hall, around the stage.

Sirius turned to look at Isaviel, who was tossing a snowball into the air repeatedly, with a frightening smile on her face.

She threw the first snowball, and started a war.

**IV.**

"OH!" Deazy's voice boomed across the hall with the aid of the microphone that she was holding. "Johnson's faction is out via the swift delivery from Thomas! That HAS to have hurt!"

Isaviel risked a peek over her fort to have a look at the scoreboard that Deazy was sat next to as she changed the scores. During the battle, factions had formed as people dived behind the various forts and found that the company they were in was the company they would fight and fall alongside. Even the professors had been taken part until the factions they were in were, unfortunately, defeated. Deazy had chosen to keep score, taking off her snowman costume and setting it on the other side of the scoreboard as her co-commentator. She was perched on a stool, wearing a pink summer-dress and a pair of sandals, occasionally having to duck to avoid the odd stray snowball.

"I absolutely agree, Mr. Snowman, that was a very low blow by Ella McFadden. Pretty damn funny, though!"

Isaviel ducked back just in time to avoid getting a face full of snow, bumping into Sirius in the process. She couldn't comprehend how on Earth they had managed to end up in the same faction but she, Severus, Sirius, Theoli and a Ravenclaw called Christina were currently sat with their backs against the fort wall as Sethoz and Remus continued making ammunition because they completely sucked at actually throwing.

Isaviel was sorely tempted to rub Sirius' face into the snow but thoughts of revenge would, unfortunately, have to wait since they were in the middle of a war. Snowballs were being flung in every direction, mostly ending up hitting the forts or overshooting the mark and ending up hitting the walls.

From the neighbouring faction - with whom Isaviel's had joined forces - James whistled. "Isaviel! Malfoy's open!"

Isaviel grabbed an extra large snowball and took a peek. Lucius was knelt down between two of the forts, and if she could get a decent curve on the snowball she could probably get him. As quickly as she could she stood and threw it as hard as possible, yelling her victim's name at the same time before ducking back down out of sight. Lucius had glanced up at the sound of his name and had been rewarded with a face-full of snow for his efforts, falling backwards from the force.

Theoli winced, although she was laughing, and held her hand out for Isaviel to hi-five. "Excellent shot, my friend."

"I thank you."

Madelaine, a Slytherin fourth-year, lobbed a snowball over the fort staying above ground for long enough to see that it struck it's intended target - a young Hufflepuff - then ducked back to safety. "Hah, score!" James gave her a thumbs up.

Christina giggled. "Ooh man, Lucius looks _angry_!"

Isaviel glanced over the wall to see that, yes, he looked angry. Very angry. So angry that he was flinging snowballs left, right and center in an effort to hit the person who had hit him. She rolled her eyes. "He's such a noob."

Sethoz snorted.

Sirius ducked down from hitting his cousin Bellatrix in the back of the head. "How long is this going to go on for?"

"Until we have a winning faction, of course," Theoli said, tossing a couple more snowballs overhead, like grenades.

"Oh, right."

Isaviel glanced at the score board again, noting that their own faction was tied for points with Lucius'. Incidentally, the rules of the war were thus: each faction is made up of one leader and as many members as they want; hitting any member of a faction will earn your own faction 20 points; any member of any faction may be hit repeatedly and will not be out if they do get hit; hitting the leader will earn the faction 100 points and the faction whose leader was hit is automatically outed from the battle. Some decided to head to the tables to eat and watch, but others continued throwing snowballs from the sidelines to confuse the remaining faction members, though not earning any points for their efforts. It was more like they were venting frustrations by hampering the efforts of those people they didn't really like.

Severus and Bellatrix took out two of the other faction leaders, each earning their own factions 100 points; that meant that now there were only two factions remaining, each with just over a thousand points. The leader of the two merged factions was Lily, who was co-ordinating attacks so that they could earn the most points. The leader of the other faction was Narcissa who seemed to be doing the same sort of thing as Lily was for their own.

There was a short ceasefire while the two teams discussed how best to proceed.

Lily made a little sketch in the snow with her finger. "This is where we are," she said, pointing to a fort and marking it with a circle, before marking an opposing fort with a cross, "And this is where the 'enemy' are. If they're as smart as we are, they'll keep their leader away from the frontline, like we're doing, which means we won't be able to reach her as we are."

James looked at her. "Lils, this isn't the inspirational pep-talk we need. You're telling us that we can't win?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous, James. I said they were as smart as us, not smarter than us." She glanced over the fort, frowning at the lack of attack. "Listen, we're going to have to go all out for this one. Spread out, navigate around the forts and attack from close-range. We will need one sprightly little person to dash around the action unnoticed in order to spring a surprise attack on the leader, Narcissa Black. I'd say Sirius should do it, but he lacks a certain... ability to remain unnoticed."

"Hey, I can remain unnoticed," Sirius pouted.

"Don't sulk, Sirius. We need you to press forward and actually _be _noticed to draw attention away from the back attack. Theoli, I need you to do it." Theoli gave a thumbs up, eyes fixed on the other side of the war zone. "Sirius, Madelaine, you go left with Theoli. Christina, James, Isaviel, you go right. You guys are all going for an all out ambush. Severus, Sethoz, Remus, you stay back here and make it seem like I'm still here with you."

"'Make it seem like'?"

"I'll be on the move," she said, glancing around, "To one of the other forts. Theoli, watch, they might do the same with Narcissa. Stay back until you're sure where she is. When I whistle, the side groups launch attacks."

"Ah, sweet Lily, I do so love it when you're ordering everyone around." James took her hand in his and kissed it, lightly. "Good luck."

Lily grinned. "You too. Now go, spread out."

The group split up, going from fort to fort around the 'square', edging closer to the opposing team whilst things were still silent. They had decided to let them make the first move, and it was another five minutes before the snowballs started flying again, all aimed towards the group who remained at their original fort. Isaviel nodded to James and Christina and the three headed forwards, not throwing any snowballs to keep the façade going. The spectators said nothing to give the positions of the other team away, surprisingly enough. Apparently everyone wanted to see Lucius and his equally arrogant friends get a face full of snow.

A slightly biased commentator neglected to mention the fact that some people were around the edge forts. Instead Deazy focused on the main battle, making the all Slytherin team think that they were in the lead, so to speak.

Once Lily gave a whistle it was only a couple of minutes until the end of the battle. As the others kept the group busy by pelting them all with a barrage of snowballs, Theoli crept up behind Narcissa, who was trying her best to avoid being hit. Tapping the blonde on the shoulder, she grinned then dropped a snowball onto her head, bringing the epic battle to an end.

There were no prizes other than savouring the looks of disappointment on the opposing team's faces as they were forced to shake hands with the victorious. Lucius still acted smarmy, looking down on Isaviel as she extended her hand. "Congratulations," he purred, taking her hand and giving it a light shake.

"A battle well fought," Isaviel returned, politely.

"I'm sure. Perhaps we can talk it over sometime," he said, then walked off with Narcissa before waiting for a reply. Isaviel sincerely hoped he wasn't turning the charm on for her.

The band returned once they knew it was safe and started up again for the last 'official' song of the evening - the music would continue and people are welcome to stay until the professors throw them out but the Ball itself would be officially over. The winning faction were given microphones and invited to join the band on stage and sing along.

_Is this the real life..._

_Is this just fantasy?_

_Caught in a landslide,_

_No escape from reality..._

_Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see,  
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,  
Because I'm easy come, easy go, Little high, little low,  
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me_

Curiously, everyone seemed to know the words. Theoli had kept mum about the remembering charm she had cast on the hall just for Bohemian Rhapsody. The lights dimmed and everyone linked arms, swaying to the slow thrumming of the music. The tiaras and corsages people wore began to glow, blinking in time to the music.

_Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,  
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth_

_Mama, ooh, I don't want to die,  
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all_

As the song progressed, everyone danced for one last time through the up-beat parts of the song, and those non-band members who were on stage dove off into the crowd to join them. Then, the track slowed again as it approached its outro, signifying the nearing end of the Annual Yule Ball.

_Nothing really matters, anyone can see,  
Nothing really matters...  
Nothing really matters... to me  
_

The whole hall sang the final line 'any way the wind blows' at the top of their lungs before a loud cheer erupted from the crowds as they clapped for the band, who jumped off the stage to mill around with the crowd and dance along to the dance music that had started to play.

**V. **

The coldness of the snow on Isaviel's feet was more welcome than words could express, soothing the burning feeling that her oh-so-lovely shoes - which were now on the wall behind her - had given her. She could still hear the music and partying that was going on in the Great Hall, though numbers had decreased a great deal over the past hour or so.

The others had all gone to their respective common rooms (with the exception of Sethoz and Remus, who had gone off for a walk together a while back), but Isaviel and Severus had opted to sit out in the courtyard on the cold stone seats, looking up at the stars on what was a beautifully clear winter night.

Isaviel shivered slightly.

"Want to go inside?"

"Nah, not just yet."

"Well then..." Severus took off his over-cloak and threw it over their shoulders, scooting a little closer so it covered them both.

Isaviel smiled. "Thanks."

"You know me, chivalry personified."

"Oh, of course." She grinned.

After a beat, "I don't think I told you how awesome tonight was. I'm quite proud of you."

Isaviel blushed slightly and looked at the snow. "Only quite?"

Severus gave a sideways glance. "Well, wouldn't want you to let it go to your head now, would we? Clearly I am saving you from yourself. But no," he held his hand out when she was about to speak, "No thanks are necessary. I didn't do it for personal gain."

Isaviel snorted.

"I did really enjoy tonight."

"Me too. Although I'm kind of fruity."

Severus raised an eyebrow before realising what she meant. "Oh. The punch explosion."

"What else did you think I meant?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all."

Isaviel narrowed her eyes. "Hmm. Either way, I shall have my revenge on Black. Oh yes, I shall."

"I love it when you talk evil."

"Aww, how sweet."

The two laughed for a little bit as they discussed ways in which they could exact their revenge for the exploding sculpture. Their ideas grew more and more ridiculous until, at the suggestion of making his clothes invisible so he would have to walk around the school naked, they stopped because they were laughing so hard.

When their laughter subsided they fell into another comfortable silence and went back to listening to the music from the hall, which was now just random trance and dance tracks. Isaviel rested her head on Severus' shoulder as the snow began to fall again. The two sat like that for a long time until the snowfall got heavier and the chill had them both shivering. The couple made their way back to the Slytherin Common Room, hand in hand.

* * *

**Song Disclaimer**  
Clair de Lune - Claude Debussy  
Get This Party Started - Pink (though I had the Dame Shirley Bassey one in mind)  
My Humps - Black Eyed Peas  
Take a Bow - Muse  
Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen 

**Again, please forgive any mistakes, I has no Beta. ;-;**


	14. Albino Fortesque

**A/N:** I apologise for the copious amounts of cheese in the last chapter. . I thought it was cute. XD Also, mild warning for some rather rude swearing on Isa's part. She apologises. Really.

Days left: 13

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Fourteen: Albino Fortesque**

**I.**

That Saturday had come and gone without event; those students who were going home for Christmas did so on the Hogwarts Express leaving not very much of the student body behind for the holidays. Sunday had been equally as uneventful with students wandering around the school grounds revelling in their newfound freedom and enjoying it whilst it lasted.

Isaviel had not forgiven Sirius for the incident with the fountain and had become twice as angry upon realising that her lovely dress was beyond ruined. The end of the Ball had been the last time she had spoken to the Gryffindors (including Theoli, who was apparently 'on their side' over the whole matter, thinking Isaviel should forgive and forget) and had stayed in the common room for the majority of the weekend avoiding contact with most people. Isaviel did seem to be one to hold a grudge when the mood struck her.

Speaking of grudges, she wasn't particularly popular with some of the older Slytherins, more so the ones who had lost the epic Snowball War. It was only a select few who taunted and were generally being assholes but nobody seemed too keen to defend her under their watchful gaze. She didn't blame them, really, and didn't want them to become involved in something that wasn't of their own doing. Severus seemed to be the only one that wasn't particularly bothered by the treatment he may get.

It was on the Monday morning that she found out just how far some would go in order to make a fool of her. Isaviel had been awoken by a hellishly bad nightmare and bolted upright, sweat glistening on her forehead and fists clenched into tight fists. She couldn't remember what exactly the dream was about but she knew by the way she shivered and the way her blood ran cold in her veins that it wasn't something she wanted to remember. At that moment she sorely missed Theoli; she missed being able to talk about stuff like this, especially when she was this scared. She began to realise how silly it was that they fend off people who say they can't be friends and let something so silly come between them.

Sighing, she scratched her scalp which, for some reason, was feeling particularly itchy that morning. Putting it down to the stress of the dream she tightened her ponytail and swung her legs out of bed, noting that nobody else was in the dorm.

_Must have gone down for breakfast already, _she pondered as she got herself dressed. She supposed it was time to make amends - with Theoli at least - and try and get over the whole dress ruinage incident.

As she descended the stairs she saw Severus reading a book by the fire in a totally empty Common Room. He'd been very patient with her over the weekend, acting as a go-between-slash-messenger when Isaviel and Theoli had refused to talk. Sethoz had pleaded them to talk face to face but apparently that wasn't going to happen; not then, anyway. In the end, communications had broken down and any chance of a peace treaty had dissolved.

"Morning," Isaviel said, throwing herself into the opposing chair.

"Mmm," Severus muttered, concentrating on the page in front of him. Once he was finished that page he gave her a fleeting glance before returning his attention to his book. "Good morn-" He stopped, then blinked a couple of times before slowly raising his head to look at her.

"...good morn?" When he said nothing, she glanced behind her. "What, do I have something on my face?"

Severus seemed to not be able to look away from her, eyes wide. "You... your hair looks nice?"

"My..." She wrinkled her nose in confusion, hand going back to touch her ponytail. "My hair? I just put it in a ponytail. Nothing special."

"Ohh... Oh dear." He put the book down. "You've not done anything to your hair?"

"No."

"Nothing at all?"

"That's what I just said. Why are you acting like a spaz this morning?"

Severus gave a half-wince, half-smile (which he hoped was of the reassuring kind) but ended up looking like he was grimacing. "I think you should look in the mirror." She began to speak but he cut her off. "Just... look."

Giving a frustrated sigh, Isaviel stood up and stomped towards the mirrored wall across the Common Room. "There, I'm looking in the mirror, are you hap-" She stopped and stared at her reflection, jaw on the floor. Her previously black hair had turned white overnight, giving off a silvery shimmer in the morning light that flooded through the windows. She reached back and pulled the ponytail out and let her now-white hair fall over her shoulders.

Severus stood up and approached her, cautiously. "...you oka-"

"My hair is white."

"Yeah... I thought you-"

"My motherfucking hair. Is motherfucking _white_."

Alright, it was slightly silvery, but for the most part it was white. Pure white. As white as the driven snow. Et cetera, et cetera. Isaviel could only stare at her reflection, a horrified look plastered all over her face.

"Alright, I think you need to-"

She shot him a severe look. "I hope you're not going to tell me to calm down."

He seemed to consider his words very carefully. "No, no of course not... I was just going to suggest you... have a sit down before you collapse." He steered her away from the mirror and back to the chairs, nodding when she muttered 'my hair is _white_' and trying to offer some words of consolation. They sat by the fire in silence as Isaviel slowly got over the initial shock of her dramatic hair colour; black to white is probably about as dramatic as it was possible to get. She scratched her head, then realising why it was so damn itchy.

"Well, at least they did my eyebrows too?"

The two started giggling and for a moment Isaviel wondered if there was any way the spell could have addled her mind somewhat. Once they'd calmed down, the mood turned a little serious. Severus tossed the book he was reading onto the table top. "What do you want to do?"

"Honestly? Eat. I'm starving."

He rolled his eyes and the two headed to the exit. Just as Isaviel was about to step through, he blocked her way. "Seriously, though... what are you going to do?"

Isaviel shrugged. "I'll think about it when I get there."

**II. **

It took a while for those in the hall to register that Isaviel's hair wasn't black anymore. There weren't many students left but there were enough for the noise level to significantly drop when she walked in. Ignoring everyone else, Isaviel made a beeline for Bellatrix.

"Morning, Bella," She said, sweetly.

"Goodness, decided on a style change, sweetie?"

"Oh this?" She grabbed a lock of hair. "Not at all, some terribly amusing joker decided that it'd be funny to do this. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Everyone was watching the hushed conversation intently, trying to listen in, revelling in the in-house tension. Bella gave a sneer. "Oh? Why, pray tell, would you think that I had anything to do with this? We're _housemates_, Isa."

"Mm-hmm. You've done nothing but show me just what a great housemate you are to me."

"Oh, Isa. You know that's just a little pranking between housemates. After all, we're all great friends here."

"I'm sure," Isaviel said, voice dripping with sarcasm. Bellatrix was not exactly her favourite person at the best of times. "Say, hypothetically speaking of course, that you decided to turn someone's hair white, as a prank perhaps. How would you go about doing it?"

"Well," Bellatrix said, looking thoughtful, "Hypothetically speaking, I'd have to wait until the person was asleep. Then use a hex on them without waking them up. I assume that would be the most difficult part."

"And how long would you make it last?"

"Last?" She snorted. "I'd make it permanent, love."

The two glared at each other, their hatred for each other becoming more and more apparent to all those who were present. Theoli stood up and headed towards the table as Isaviel said in belated response, trying to remain as calm as she could. "Hypothetically speaking, of course."

"Of course."

Theoli approached and regarded Bellatrix coldly, which the older Slytherin seemed to take offence at. "Something we can do for you?"

"Not you, no." She turned to Isaviel, raising her voice. "Like the hair."

Isaviel replied with an equally loud voice. "You do? I wasn't sure about the colour. Or lack thereof."

Theoli ruffled her friend's hair a bit. "You really did a really good job, wow. Must have been a complicated charm."

"Oh, it was. I was just giving Bella tips on _her_ hair," she chirped, smiling at the now-seething Slytherin. Theoli nodded towards the Gryffindor table where Severus was hovering, waiting, until an irritated Sirius told him to sit down. "If you want to join us, you're more than welcome."

Isaviel blinked. She had intended to offer the olive branch first but apparently she'd been beaten to it. Not that she minded too much; she hadn't realised just how much she'd missed her friend's company until she had it again. She grinned. "If you'll have my white hair and I."

"You and your white hair are welcome any time." Theoli grinned back.

Bellatrix slammed her fists onto the table as she stood up, shocking the girls out of their reconciliation. Her nostrils were flared and her eyes were wide with rage, and honestly, she looked a little nutty. The girls took a step back.

"You," Bellatrix hissed, pointing an accusing finger, "Are a disgrace to the Slytherin house, you little traitor. Go!" She waved her hands as if she were wafting away a bad smell. "Go sit with your little _friends_, Albino. Just watch your back." And with that, she stomped out of the Hall, leaving behind her a fearful and deafening silence.

Isaviel turned to face the rest of the hall with her hands on her hips and a pout on her lips. "I don't think she likes me much."

A titter echoed through the room as people went back to their conversations and Theoli led Isaviel to the Gryffindor table. She sat down and grabbed a piece of toast, letting the others stare for a full two minutes before saying, "Alright, who wants to say it first?"

Sethoz gawked. "Why?!"

Isaviel laughed. "I didn't. Bella did."

Sirius gave a low growl, one that was quite uncharacteristic of a normal person, let alone Sirius. He threw his piece of toast back onto the plate with a scowl on his face. "Sorry," he muttered.

Isaviel shrugged. "You didn't do it."

"Well, no. Still, as a relative to that wench, I do feel the need to apologise. That, and, you know... the whole dress thing."

"Well then, apology appreciated and accepted, Mr Black, and the less said about my dearly departed dress, the better." She grinned. "I _will_ get you back for it, though."

Theoli grinned. "This mean we're all happy again?"

"I would be if my hair wasn't _white_."

"Oh, I dunno, it makes you stand out from the crowd." Theoli gave Isaviel a pat on the shoulder. "It makes you... um... unique?"

Lily frowned. "Have you tried charming it to a different colour yourself?"

"Yeah, Severus tried that and his hair turned temporarily pink."

"They really did go all out for you, didn't they?" Lily sighed. "I think you should just tell your Head of House and be done with it."

Isaviel shook her head, sadly. "Oh, Lily. That won't do."

"She needs to be punished!"

"Oh she will be. Just, you know, not in a way I'd want our Head of House to know about."

Lily looked at her disapprovingly. "Isaviel, you shouldn't get yourself into trouble for the sake of revenge. She's not worth it at all. And you," she slapped James' hand as he gave Isaviel a high-five, "Stop encouraging her. Honestly."

"Lily, she turned my hair white."

"Then called her an albino," Theoli added.

"Yes. Now, granted, she did my eyebrows and I'm thankful for that. But she turned my hair white. WHITE, Lily." She pointed to her head as if to emphasize her point. "Wouldn't you want to do something a little more personal in response?"

Lily gave a resigned sigh. "Oh, I guess you're right. Just don't get yourself into trouble."

"Oh, I won't."

"No, she has us all helping her!" Theoli beamed.

"That's what I'm worried about," she muttered, looking pointedly at James.

"That hurt, Lils," James said. "Hurt my soul."

"I'm sure you'll recover," she said, putting a forkful of scrambled egg into her mouth before standing up. "I need to go get a book from the library, so I'll see you guys later, alright?" She left after giving James a peck on the cheek and Isaviel another warning about not getting into too much trouble, to which she could only sigh and rake her hand through her hair looking rather dejected.

"So anyway," Sethoz interjected, wanting to distract a moody looking Isaviel from her silver-white locks. "I need to go to Hogsmeade today and was wondering if you guys all wanted to go."

Everyone except Theoli and Isaviel agreed, excitedly. Isaviel could remember the name, but not the place, and said as much. The group gasped. "How can you not know Hogsmeade?!"

"It's not that we don't know what the place is, we just don't _remember_ it."

"Kinda like she didn't remember she was an Animag-" Theoli was cut off when Isaviel clamped her hand around her friend's mouth, hysterically shushing her and glancing around to see who else may have heard.

Sirius leant in. "You're an Animagus too?"

"Well I- Wait. 'Too'? What do you mean, 'too'?"

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius and James, who had mimicked Isaviel's actions by clamping his hand around Sirius' mouth. "I think we have some things to discuss."


	15. Codename: Wut?

**A/N:** I'm quite unsure about this chapter. I wanted to do this, but I'm not entirely happy with how it turned out. xD

So Remmie also reveals his secret; cue some rather underwhelmed girls.

Also, I assume that the Marauders don't watch muggle cartoons much. They'll be off doing dastardly deeds somewhere.

Days left: 11

**EDIT: **WTF. I had this ready last night but the site wouldn't let me post until now. -emotears of woe-**  
**

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Fifteen: Codename: Wut?**

**I.**

"So let me get this straight," Severus said, voice low. His fingers were massaging his temples as if trying to drive away a sudden headache. "You're all Animagi. _Illegal_ Animagi." He looked around the group, who were busy looking at the ground, the walls, the ceiling; anything except Severus himself.

Isaviel looked mildly uncomfortable. "Well... yes."

"You didn't think to tell me this before?"

"Well..." She glanced at Theoli. "We kind of forgot until not long ago."

Various members of the group exchanged looks of disbelief before staring at them. Severus looked dumbfounded. "You... You forgot?"

"Yes. Just... don't ask."

"But-"

"Seriously. Don't ask."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Really though, how can you just say that and expect us not to be curious?"

"Sirius," Theoli said in a warning tone, "Don't. It's... girl stuff," she added, glancing at Sethoz, who was giggling at the sudden look of horror on Sirius' face. The girls still had yet to tell anyone else about the prophecy, especially since they were still getting to know Deazy who is the last amulet holder. That, and they still didn't have the faintest idea what exactly this prophecy involved though they'd had time to make some guesses about what it could be; whatever it was, it had to be something quite epic for two girls to have split-souls and a girl from the future to be brought to that era.

At Theoli's words, that topic was left and the subject turned back to their statuses as Animagi. Severus narrowed his eyes. "So what are you?"

Theoli pointed to herself. "Me? I'm a golden eagle."

"White wolf for me," Isaviel said.

"Hey we're kind of similar," Sethoz chirped. "Coyote for me."

Sethoz turned to James. "What about you guys?"

James spoke first. "I'm a stag, and Peter's a rat."

"I'm a dog," Sirius said, then, pre-empting Isaviel's next comment, added, "I've heard it all from Prongs and Moony, thanks." Isaviel pouted a bit.

Theoli nodded. "So those nicknames come from your Animagus forms? That's quite adorable, you know."

Sirius snorted.

"Though..." Theoli glanced at Remus. "What about you?"

The boys seemed to become slightly uncomfortable, and all eyes were turned to Remus. For a while he said nothing, silently staring at the wall of the Great Hall. Isaviel recognised the look in his eyes; it was the same as the one she'd caught a glimpse of outside the library when he had first questioned her about being an Animagus.

Remus gave a heavy sigh. "May as well tell them."

"Not if you don't want to..."

He gave Sirius a wry smile. "What else can I do?"

James and Sirius said nothing. The others remained silent, ignoring the temptation to hurry the conversation along. Eventually, Remus turned back to the group. "The reason my nickname is Moony, the reason I'm ill once a month and the reason these guys are all Animagi, is because I..." He took a deep breath, "I am a werewolf."

There was a moment of silence during which the boys apparently feared the worst at the breaking of the news. Isaviel scratched her head, partly from the itch but mostly because she was a little underwhelmed. "Oh. Is that all?"

Remus blinked. "...what do you mean 'is that all'?"

"I thought you were going to tell us you were come hideous boogyman."

Theoli nodded. "I was quite worried for a moment."

"Don't you get it?" He asked, voice low even though the room was empty. "I'm a _werewolf_. I-"

"Yeah, we paid attention during that class," Sethoz interrupted, offhandedly. "What, you wanted us to run around, flailing out arms and screaming about how scared we are of you?" She shot him an incredulous look. "Do us a favour."

"Admittedly, I'm a little weirded out," Theoli said, sheepishly. "We've known each other for months and I didn't have a clue that you were a werewolf."

"Well yes, that's the general idea."

"Shut up, Sirius."

"So where do you go each month when you, you know... when the change happens?"

The boys gave their own back-stories, explaining how they found out Remus was a werewolf, how they had taken it upon themselves to protect their friend by secretly becoming illegal Animagi in order to keep Remus company during the stressful changes over those three days of each lunar cycle. Isaviel could see Severus' mind working overtime, probably putting two and two together about previous encounters with the boys and their mysterious behaviours. Eventually he grimaced and shook his head, leaving his seat and walking away without a word.

Isaviel got up and jogged after him. "Hey. Hey, wait! What's wrong?"

He didn't turn to look at her. "I can't deal with all this."

"Deal with what?"

"This... overload of information." He turned his head so he could see her out of the corner of his eye. "All of this. I can't deal with it."

"Nobody's asking you to."

He turned quickly. "Then why tell me?" He snapped, in a harsher tone than he was intending.

Isaviel was quite taken aback by his reaction. "Well, would you rather I'd kept it from you?"

"You mean like you already had been?"

"Why are you so angry at me?"

He recoiled as if he'd been slapped, then turned his back to her once more. "I'm not angry at you. I just... I've got to go." With that, he walked off, leaving a stunned Isaviel behind him who could say nothing as she watched him leave. She honestly had no idea what had just happened and couldn't begin to understand why he'd been so upset. As she wandered back to the table that the others were sat at, she thought over what had been said between them all, coming to the conclusion that he was either pissed at himself for not realising that Remus was a werewolf or he was pissed at her because she didn't tell him she was an Animagus until now.

Sethoz looked at Isaviel as she sat back down, scratching her head. "Why did he run off like that?"

"Oh, he said he didn't feel too well. I think he went to have a lie down or something." Theoli frowned at Isaviel's response but said nothing.

"Oh well." Sirius shrugged, seemingly not too bothered about the subject. "So do you guys have aliases?"

The girls stared. "...why would we need aliases?"

James crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, if you want to be Marauder understudies-"

Theoli glowered. "Which we don't."

He continued, ignoring the interruption; "-then you will need aliases that are made of awesome and win. That," he declared, slamming his fists onto the table, "will be at the top of today's agenda!"

"As well as going to Hogsmeade, of course," Sethoz added, not wanting people to forget.

"Oh. Yeah. That too."

"Dude, Theo and I already have nicknames."

Theoli nodded. "Damn right, Pocketfish."

"I thank you, Cheerbear."

"What the..." James looked dismayed. "_Those_ are your aliases? Those will never do."

"Why not? We've been using them for years."

Sirius gave a sharp laugh. "You're not a fish and you're not a bear, so quit it. You need something that encompasses your inner animal. Something that actually sounds remotely cool, and alludes some deeper meaning, but isn't something that's so obvious. Pocketfish and Cheerbear are kind of... how can I put this... 'lame'."

Theoli sneered. "At least it's not Igotmyfriendwhomped."

"Well, that's not mine eith- ...heeeeey. I thought we were over that?"

"We are, but I won't hesitate to bring it up. Repeatedly." She crossed her arms. "And I'd stop sulking now before I make you get whomped and see how it feels."

James turned away from the bickering couple. "Err. Right, let's start with you, Isaviel. You said you're a wolf?" He stared at Isaviel, waiting for her to reply, as the girl gave Theoli a bored grimace and shrugged as if to say 'I give up'.

"Yup, I be wolf."

"Fur colour?"

"White-grey."

James and Sirius began to talk between themselves, going through all the different nicknames-slash-aliases that Isaviel could use. Isaviel herself wasn't particularly convinced about the need for an alias, since she didn't intend to do anything that may require her to actually use one... but she didn't want to burst their bubble either. Thus, she just sighed and watched, smirking when she caught sight of Theoli rolling her eyes.

"Are they serious?"

Isaviel grinned. "I guess so. Not really liking the sound of their ideas though. Snowpaw? Sharpclaw?"

"Yeah, not exactly brilliant, are they? You got something in mind?"

"Actually, I do. The name of a book I saw in the muggle section of the library; Whitefang."

Sirius stopped in the middle of talking to James. "...that is actually pretty awesome."

"I know."

James frowned. "You don't like Snowpaw?"

"No. No I do not."

"Aw. I thought it was awesome."

"To be fair, James, it was kind of bad."

James gasped at Sirius' words. "Et tu, mon ami?!"

Theoli, who had been thinking about her own alias, ignored them both. "I've got mine. Aves."

Sirius stared at Theoli. "...Aves? What the hell kind of nickname is that?"

Sethoz shrugged. "I think it's rather clever. It means 'bird'."

"But it's not _cool_." Sirius was verging on whining, but apparently James agreed with the sentiment.

"Even Isaviel has Whitefang."

"What do you mean 'even' me?"

"Well... I... That's to say..." James glanced around. "...so, Thoz, you decided on an alias?"

"Yep." She grinned. "Wile E."

Isaviel and Theoli burst out laughing. The three boys could only watch the girls and wonder what was so funny and whether they'd lost some marbles in the past few seconds. The looks of confusion on their faces apparently set them off again and it was another few minutes before they could get any coherent sentences out of them.

"What was so funny about Wiley?"

Theoli wiped the tears from her eyes. "No, Wile E. It's... from a muggle cartoon."

"I don't get what's so funny about it, though."

"It's not something we can explain easily. If I ever get the chance, I'll show you some Road Runner cartoons."

Sirius looked at Remus. "Do you have any idea what she's talking about?"

Remus just chuckled. "A muggle cartoon."

"Is that your way of telling me I wouldn't understand."

"Don't be paranoid, Padfoot."

James shook his head. "Well, whatever. Whitefang, Aves, Wile E., you are now Marauder understudies. You will never be as awesome as the Marauders but you can try really hard and will make us look good in the process."

"Great," Sethoz muttered as she got up from her seat, knowing it was pointless telling them they didn't want to be 'understudies'. "Can we go to Hogsmeade now?"


	16. Black Cloak

**A/N:** I attempted a bit of drama and action in this chapter, with Isaviel coming into her own and realising her own ass-kicking abilities. Reckless, you say? Most definitely.

We also introduce a possible future antagonist. o:

Days left: 8

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Sixteen: Black Cloak**

**I.**

"So what's the real reason he was pissed?"

Isaviel looked at Theoli. She hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I think he's angry at me." She scratched her head, thinking about the conversations they'd had in the Great Hall. "Actually, I'm pretty sure he's angry at me."

"What, why?"

"For not telling him, I guess." She sighed. "How's he going to react to the Prophecy, if and when we tell people?" She looked at the boys, all hurriedly leading the way to Hogsmeade, excitedly talking about what they were going to buy and what they were hoping to see. They didn't have any idea that the girls were tied to some pretty complicated shit, and Isaviel had no idea how they'd be able to begin to explain it all when they didn't even understand it themselves.

Sethoz shrugged. "I don't think he's mad at you, specifically, to be honest."

"Oh?"

"I think it's more the fact that the whole Animagus thing was something he can't be a part of."

Theoli looked unconvinced. "Remus isn't exactly an Animagus..."

"No, but he's the reason the others are," she said, smiling sadly. "His friends think that much of them that they'd go to any lengths, including bypassing the years of training needed, as well as any laws that prevent them from doing it, just to keep him company during his 'time'."

"So... Severus is jealous?"

"I guess so. He probably thinks we're good Animagus buddies or something and feels rather left out, not that I blame him much.

Isaviel sighed. "I suppose that makes sense."

"Hey, guys?" Sethoz and Isaviel looked at Theoli. "Why did _we_ become Animagi?"

They stopped. It was a valid enough question; there had to be some reason why they decided to become Animagi. The Marauder boys had an extremely valid reason, which was to protect Remus and to be a good friend to him. The girls, however, could think of no good reason for them to have gone through the rigorous training. Sethoz in particular was quite perturbed by the thought since she should, in all theory, be the one who would remember. After a while thoughtful muttering, she frowned deeply. "You don't suppose this has anything to do with the prophecy?"

"What, us not knowing?"

"No, us being Animagi."

The girls went back to their own thoughts with a troubled 'hmm'. It wasn't until the boys started shouting them that they snapped out of their uneasy thoughts. When the group re-merged, the three were asked what was keeping them. They just about managed to vague up a response by the time they got to Hogsmeade, where Sethoz said she had to run off to do some errands, fleeing before anyone had time to register a complaint.

Remus sighed. "She's the one who told us to come along."

"Disappointed, Moony?" Sirius elbowed him, lightly.

He blushed. "Shut up."

James stretched a bit. "So where do you girls want to- ...girls?"

The two remaining girls were stood still, staring in awe at the shops around them. It felt as though they were visiting after many, many years, vaguely remembering the shops that were there, feeling an odd sense of nostalgia even though they knew that it can't have been that long since they'd visited the place last. For the next half hour they ran from one side of the street to the other, screaming to each other about the various shops and what each one was selling.

"OIHMIGAWD! Isa! Look at this sweet shop!"

Isaviel ran across from the opposite side of the street to join her, pressing her forehead against the cold glass window to see the inside more clearly. She turned to Remus with bright eyes. "We can buy all that?"

"Well yes," he replied, somewhat amused by their reactions. "This is a shop, after all."

Isaviel grabbed his arm. "You can tell me which I should get," she said, cheerfully, dragging a bewildered Remus into the shop, followed closely by Theoli, James and Sirius. For the next hour they browsed the shops, going through what each sweet was before eventually buying at least one of everything anyway. They left the shop with three big bags filled with sweets, chocolate and fudge, ready to eat until they threw up.

Theoli tapped Isaviel on the shoulder as the group moved towards the Three Broomsticks. "Is that Deazy?"

Isaviel looked to where her friend was pointing. Deazy was following a cloaked man down the street, moving at a quick pace. They were heading out of town, which they had not been given permission to do, making Isaviel very nervous.

"CB, tell them I'll join you lot in a bit."

Theoli grabbed her arm. "Where are you going?"

"Following them," she replied, not taking her eyes off Deazy and the cloaked figure as they walked on, far beyond the boundaries of where they were allowed to go. She kept walking as she spoke. "You know I get this way when-"

"When you sense danger?" She grinned, following Isaviel.

"Damn right."

"Well fine," she said. "But I'm going with."

After telling the boys they would meet them in the pub later, the two girls followed at a safe distance as they continued further and further away from the town and away from safety. Isaviel grimaced. Part of her wanted to go back and get help, but another part was severely worried for Deazy and what would happen should she end up needing their help. One girl will not match up against a fully fledged wizard, which is what she assumed the cloaked person was.

As they ducked behind a wall, Theoli frowned. "You're right about one thing, though, the whole black cloak thing does make him seem a little suspicious. You'd think he'd realise that. Instant fail on the 'masking your evilness' front."

"Yeah. I'm wondering if Deazy knows the person, since she's willing to follow."

"Deazy kind of strikes me as the trusting type. I'm not entirely sure she'd say no if a stranger offered her sweets."

"Hmm, perhaps." Isaviel glanced ahead. "Are they headed for that really ominous and obvious looking house?"

Off the main street was a worn path, leading through a field by the backs of the nearby housing estate for a while until it reached a steep embankment that apparently signified the start of the land that went with the house. The house itself looked like pretty much every haunted house one could think of, with the wooden boards and old, worn look - it wasn't entirely dissimilar to the Shrieking Shack.

As soon as Deazy and the unknown person had walked down the steps Theoli and Isaviel scurried to the edge of the embankment, lying down on their stomachs to peer over the edge. Deazy had stopped, making the hooded figure turn to face her.

"Are you sure they're in that house?"

The man seemed to give an irritated sigh. "Yes, now come-"

"Why would they come all this way?"

"They're curious young girls. Now come, they gave me this necklace so that you'd trust me." He held up a gold chain on which there was a gold locket, encrusted with rubies. Theoli's hand automatically moved to the necklace around her neck to make sure it was still there. Upon realising that it was, she let out a short sigh, then glanced at Isaviel.

"Fake amulet."

Isaviel nodded. "Bad guy."

"Prophecy?"

"Probably."

"Big trouble?"

"Definitely."

Deazy seemed to be hesitating, suddenly unsure about the other person's intents. Isaviel gave her a mental slap round the face and made a note to tell her to have these moments of doubt before walking so far from any form of help. Well, at least she was aware that there are other amulets.

"I think I'll go back and get a teacher," Deazy muttered, taking a nervous step back. The man in front of her snarled and threw the locket aside, drawing his wand as he let loose a string of swear words

Isaviel pushed herself into a crouching position. "Keep watch," she said to Theoli, starting the change from human to animal; her wolf form.

"What the hell are you- Watch for what?"

"People. After taking one last glance around to make sure nobody was about, she jumped down the embankment as her change completed, landing on all four paws between Deazy and her aggressor. She took a step forward with her shoulders hunched, baring her fangs and letting a guttural growl escape her throat. It wasn't her intention to do any real harm, she just wanted him _away_ from them.

After getting over his initial shock the man gave an angry shout and apparated away. Theoli rushed down the steps to and tapped Deazy on the shoulder, smiling at the girl's expression of disbelief. "What are you doing here? Is that your pet wolf?"

Theoli snorted. "Hardly." She then turned to the wolf, "It's safe, there's nobody around."

Isaviel nodded and changed back, stretching once everything was back as it should be. She turned to Deazy. "What were you _thinking_?"

Deazy apparently wasn't listening. "You're an Animagus too!"

"...'too'?"

"Yeah, mine's an otter! I love otters, but a wolf is just awesome!" She turned to Theoli. "Are you one too?"

"Err, yeah," she replied. "Golden eagle. Deaz-"

"Oh awesome!" She seemed positively elated.

Isaviel sighed. "Listen, Deazy, you can't just go off with random strangers like that."

Her smile crumbled. "I know, I just- he said you were hurt and that you sent him with that locket to come get me," she said, pointing to the fake-necklace on the grass. "I have one like it, see?" She pulled out her own locket, which was gold and encrusted with onyx and what Isaviel assumed was imperial topaz stones. "So- so I thought he was telling the truth. You probably don't even own necklaces like this." Her shoulders sagged.

Theoli glanced at Isaviel, who shrugged, then looked back at Deazy. "Actually, we do."

The two took out their own necklaces, letting Deazy inspect them. "Gosh..."

"Sethoz has the last one."

"She does? Are you sure?"

"As sure as we can be without knowing much else about these."

Theoli stopped in her tracks, for Deazy had an uncharacteristically worried look on her face. "So it was true..."

"What was true?"

"The prophecy," she said, softly, walking over to the fake necklace and trying to pick it up, but finding that it broke apart as she touched it.

"You know about the prophecy?"

"Yeah, but I only know fragments of the prophecy itself, just what came with the amulet," she said. "Nobody knows the entire prophecy, the amulet holders have to find that out for themselves."

"Well, that's quite unhelpful."

"It is," Deazy said.

"Do you know who that guy was?"

Deazy shook her head.

Isaviel looked at the locket, which had now totally crumbled to dust. "We'd do better to get Sethoz and talk this through, I think. That, and we need to get back to Hogsmeade before we get in trouble."

The girls walked back to Hogsmeade in silence, trying to work out how the cloaked character may fit into the puzzle. Isaviel figured that whoever he was he was working for someone higher up, which begged the question; why? Was someone trying to reverse or disrupt the prophecy? If that was the case, things would most definitely get worse and far more dangerous before they got better.

In the end - for now, anyway - they could only guess.


	17. Come Apart to Come Together

**A/N:** So, the friendships are starting to show some cracks, methinks! Also, the girls attempt to find out more about this mysterious prophecy and get slightly more than they bargained for.

Days left: 6

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Seventeen: Come Apart to Come Together**

**I.**

The girls hadn't been able to find Sethoz that night, so they elected to leave it for the night and catch the Ravenclaw at breakfast the following day. After bidding the girls goodnight, Isaviel ambled back to her own common room, suddenly remembering the morning's dramatics with it's main Drama Queen; Severus Snape. She sighed, hoping that he wasn't still angry about whatever he was angry about, since she really wasn't in the mood. The common room was practically empty since the vast majority of the Slytherins were home for the holidays (which begged the question; why couldn't _Bellatrix_ go home too?) so it wasn't too hard to spot Severus. He was sat in his usual spot by the fire, except that he seemed to have some company in the shape of Bellatrix Black.

Isaviel approached. "Severus, Bella," she said in greeting.

Severus ignored her and Bellatrix gave a less-than-genuine looking smile. "Evenin'," she said, then, pointing to the bag that Isaviel was carrying, "Been out on the town?"

"Apparently so."

"Buy anything exciting?"

"Not really. You been up to anything, Severus?"

"No."

"We were worried about you after this morning."

"Good for you."

Isaviel twitched a little; apparently he _was_ still angry about whatever he was angry about. It was at times like this she wished she had mind-reading capabilities; as it was, she had to make do without. "They were asking after you."

"Listen, if you don't mind," he snapped, "Bella's giving me some extra tuition for... for potions." He seemed to cringe a little at his quick response, realising that it wasn't exactly the best reply he could have come up with. The mere suggestion that he would even need potions tuition, let alone from Bellatrix, was almost laughable.

"Oh," Isaviel replied, coldly, not bothering to hide the disdain from her voice anymore. She reached into the bag she was carrying, taking out a much smaller bag filled with a random selection of sweets. She placed the bag gently onto the chair beside him. "Well, you can find me if and when you want to talk to me. 'Night."

She didn't look back as she made her way to her room where she threw herself onto the bed and began to pummel her pillow. After venting her anger she dropped, face first, onto the pummelled pillow and let out a groan of anguish.

"Are you alright?"

Isaviel glanced up to see fellow Slytherin, Kessler, who was sat under the bedcovers reading a book. "Yeah," Isaviel replied. "Sorry."

"Don't be. Are you still bothered by your hair?"

"Nah, I'm used to this now. Growing to like it, too."

"Oh good, I was about to say it's awesome. So what's up?" Kessler closed the book and set it her bedside table.

Isaviel sighed. "Someone's mad at me for something and I haven't a clue what it is."

"Ask?"

"I tried. I'm being given the cold shoulder."

"Ouch. I guess you'll just have to wait until whatever it is blows over."

Isaviel sighed. "I was afraid you'd say that. I'm not really the most patient person in the world."

Kessler laughed. "I don't think anyone is when it comes to arguments between friends. I'm going to call it a night."

"Me too," Isaviel said, without much enthusiasm. "I'll get the light."

"Thanks."

It took a while for Isaviel to fall asleep; her thoughts kept her awake, spinning round and round in her head over and over without ever reaching a suitable conclusion. At the forefront of her mind was the prophecy, shrouded in mystery and seemingly growing more dangerous as time passed by. After what felt like hours of tossing and turning she finally felt herself drift away, carried into a restless slumber.

**II. **

_...come apart to come together..._

Isaviel woke with a start, nearly falling out of bed when the dizziness took hold. She fell back down and rubbed her eyes before getting up again, noting that Kessler was apparently up and about already.

_A dream,_ she thought. _It's the dream from the other night... I think._

She pondered on it a while, mulling over the last words she'd heard (or at least, remembered); 'come apart to come together'. She tried to remember more specific details about the dream but it had all become quite fuzzy, and she ended up giving up in a frustrated huff which meant she would stomp around as she got ready and headed to breakfast.

Theoli was the only one brave enough to question her foul mood. "What's up with you this morning?"

"I'll tell you later," Isaviel muttered, going back to the brutal mauling of her toast. She didn't really want to talk about it in front of the others anyway.

"Alright. Well, Deazy said she'd meet us outside the library after breakfast, so we'll leave when you're finished."

Since she wasn't particularly hungry she finished the piece of toast and let the girls know she was ready to go. Just as they were about to stand, Severus entered the hall with Bellatrix and a couple of other Slytherins. He glanced in their direction and then, after giving them a rather harsh stare, turned on his heel and walked to the Slytherin table.

Sirius gave a disgruntled sigh. "Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say." He ducked and closed his eyes, shielding himself with his arm in expectance of a swift smack around the head from Isaviel. Isaviel said nothing, but had a furious look on her face. She slammed her hands onto the table and pushed herself up from her seat, stalking out of the Hall without a second glance.

"... Did... did something happen when we weren't looking?"

"I think we blinked." James scratched the back of his head. "Are we not on speaking terms with him anymore?"

Sethoz and Theoli exchanged glances, saying nothing but having a feeling they knew what had happened. The two girls said their goodbyes and made their way towards the library where they were quite sure Isaviel would be waiting. On the way, it was decided the topic would be avoided until later on when Isaviel wasn't so angry.

When they met up with her - and Deazy, who had been waiting for them - the girls started off by trying to find a good alias for Deazy, since she was an Animagus too. The girls had decided to take one of the smaller, private tables at the back of the library in order to have discussions about the prophecy without fear of being overheard.

"How about... err... Swimmer?"

Isaviel smirked. "Oh wow, really groundbreaking."

"Shut up," Theoli muttered, cheeks turning red. "You do better, then."

Isaviel thought for a bit. "Err, Romper? Yeah, I got nothing."

"Lutrinae?"

Deazy shook her head. "Pretty, but I want something... something _snazzy_. Like Isaviel's!"

All eyes turned back to Isaviel. "...are you expecting _me_ to think of something?" They nodded. "No pressure, then..." She pondered for a moment. "How about... River... walker?"

"Yes!" Deazy's eyes practically glittered. "I love it! Thankyou!"

"Oh good, because I don't have any other suggestions," Isaviel laughed.

"Now that we have that sorted, shall we get onto the main matter of discussion?"

The next few minutes was spent filling Sethoz in on the events of the previous day, with the mysterious man, the ominous looking house and the fake amulet. Sethoz said nothing throughout, but her frown deepened as the story went on, and even once they were finished it was a while before she spoke.

"This man... he had a replica of Theoli's amulet?"

Deazy nodded. "When I tried to pick it up it just crumbled away."

"Did he head towards the house?"

"Not once Isaviel scared the crap out of him. He ran away like a little girl... except, you know, he apparated."

Sethoz frowned. "Hmm. You said you knew something about the prophecy?"

"Oh, yes. The person who owned this amulet last was my grandmother. When she passed it on to me, she said there was a phrase that went with it that had something to do with a prophecy on it. 'The four cornerstones be gathered; each must come apart to-"

"-come together?"

Deazy blinked and stared at Isaviel. "How did you know?"

"This may sound weird, but I was told it in a dream. That's why I was in a foul mood this morning, I couldn't remember anything other than that one line." Isaviel shrugged.

"You still don't remember anything?"

"Not a thing."

"It's a little bizarre you hearing that in a dream... are you sure Deazy didn't tell you before? Didn't read it in a book" Sethoz was looking from Deazy to Isaviel with a concerned look on her face. She pursed her lips when both girls shook their heads. "That's very disconcerting, you know."

"You're telling me," Isaviel said. "I'm just going to put it down to the prophecy, just to save my sanity." Theoli looked at her. "What? I'm sane."

"Sure you are."

"...so this phrase."

Theoli snickered beside her as Sethoz wrote it on a scrap piece of parchment then put the paper in the middle of the table. "Yeah. Just to let you know, I suck at riddles," she said with an apologetic look on her face.

"Seriously? I thought Ravies would love that sort of thing."

"I dunno, I was good at stuff that required linear thinking; thinking outside the box isn't my thing. Or something."

"So... something comes apart to get back together?" Theoli wrinkled her nose. "What?"

"It makes no sense," Deazy agreed. "I've been trying to work this out for the past few weeks and it's just not happening."

"Riddles rarely make sense at face value," Isaviel said, reading the line over and over. Then it hit her. "What's the one thing we all have in common?" She looked around, expecting looks of enlightenment and getting only confusion. "What's the one thing we all have, that _comes apart_?"

Theoli stared blankly at her, then looked down at her necklace, then looked back up at Isaviel, who was grinning. "You mean... the necklaces?"

Sethoz nodded. "I can see the logic in that. The necklace is the one thing we have that's tied to the prophecy."

"But I opened mine before and there was nothing in it," Deazy said.

"Maybe we have to open them together?"

They fell silent, each looking at her own amulet with a certain amount of mistrust. Theoli gulped and nodded. "I think we should do it. What's the worst that could happen?"

"We die, the prophecy rolls along and the world ends?"

"At least we'll be dead."

Isaviel snorted. "Oh, nice, no thought for the rest of the world?"

She smirked. "Well no. I'll be dead so I won't really care."

Sethoz snickered. "Well if we're not done talking about our demise, Theoli, count us in."

"You okay with this?" Theoli asked Deazy, who nodded in reply. Each girl got their necklace out in front of them. Theoli took a deep breath. "Well... here goes nothing. 1... 2... 3!"

They opened the amulets simultaneously and for a moment nothing happened. Then beams of coloured light shot out from each of amulets spiralling upwards and intertwining with each other as it rose high above them turning into one beam of white light. At its zenith the light turned and headed back downwards with incredible speed, not even slowing as it hit the table and blew apart, fragmenting again so that a portion of the light hit each of them, knocking them out of their chairs and into unconsciousness.

**III.**

When she came to, Isaviel could feel a cold stone floor beneath her but it was different to the floor of the library; this was smooth, almost like marble. It was lovely and cool, especially since the room seemed so awfully hot all of a sudden, and was almost enough to make her forget about that wacky beam of light-

Isaviel's eyes shot open and she attempted to sit up right to see if her friends were alright. Instead, her face hit something with full force, knocking her backwards so she hit her head on the hard stone floor. She curled up, holding her face and her head and writhed in agony until she heard the soft voice of a woman somewhere in the room.

"Are you alright, Salazar?"

Isaviel stopped mid-writhe. "Oh, you have GOT to be shitting me."

* * *

**Reviewsplz!  
This may be the last chapter for around a week or so. O: Fear not, for I shall return!  
Next chapter will be the unveiling of the prophecy!**


	18. Preserved Memories On Toast

**A/N:** So, I finally worked a few technical shiz out for the plot, and can now upload another chapter" Woohoo! Also, Theoli has returned from her jollies! Glee! So this chapter. It's more of a "revelations" type thing, but it opens a lot of doors and creates a lot of new questions that you will be asking. ;D BUT! All in good time, my readers! 3 Thank you, as always, for your support.

Days left: 0 HOMG! She's returned!

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Eighteen: Preserved Memories On Toast**

**I.**

Isaviel pushed herself up into a seating position and took a look around. Only one thing was certain; they were definitely not in the library anymore. They seemed to be in a circular room, with a beautiful marble floor (as suspected), oak panelled walls lined with hundreds and hundreds of bookshelves and an incredibly high ceiling that was charmed, like the Great Hall, to look like a lovely summer sky. In the center of the room was a large, round table, around which there were eight chairs, all with the Hogwarts crest engraved into the back. Sethoz, Theoli and Deazy were still out cold, laid out on the floor like the four girls were compass points.

She glanced behind herself to see a young man, probably not too much older than she was, dressed in green and holding his nose, which was bleeding quite profusely. Beside him was a woman in a yellow and black dress, who drew her wand and stopped the bleeding, then approached. Isaviel assumed she was the owner of the voice she heard earlier.

"Are you alright?" The woman smiled as she asked the question.

Isaviel nodded. "Um... Where am I?"

"You're here."

Isaviel blinked. "I sort of meant, you know, 'where is here?'"

"Here is where you are, of course," she said, still smiling. Isaviel gave up trying to get a useful answer out of her.

The doors on the other side of the room opened slowly, with a loud creak. Another man, this time dressed in red, walked in and glanced around at the four girls. "Helga, yours is waking up."

"Ooh, really?" Helga skipped towards Deazy, crouching down as the younger girl came to.

The guy in red grinned. "Looks like our are too, Rowena."

"I can see," a soft-spoken woman said. Isaviel nearly laughed at her mild surprise that the woman was wearing a blue dress.

_Speaking of clothing..._ Isaviel looked down at what she was wearing. Her school robes had been replaced with a beautiful green tunic which was embroidered with silver coloured thread over white leggings and black boots on her feet. She wasn't entirely sure how or why she was wearing such an outfit but wasn't about to argue - instead she began to inspect the intricate detailing.

When she looked up, she found herself looking up at the man she had head-butted not too long ago. He held a hand out for her. "This room isn't a place, per se. It is more... a consciousness that we preserved."

"Oh," she said as he helped her to her feet. "So it's a who, rather than a where?"

"Of sorts."

"How did we get here?"

"The spell that you were hit with temporarily linked your consciousnesses to each other's, as well as with this preserved one so that we could talk freely," he replied, walking towards the table. "We were hoping that you wouldn't ever come here..."

The guy in red snorted. "Oh, lighten up, Salazar."

Salazar looked distinctly unimpressed. "'Lighten up'?" He placed his hands on the table with his palms flat against the marble top. "'Lighten up'?! Gryffindor, this is the very future of magic we're talking about, not some damn game!"

Godric held his hands up in an apologetic manner, though he was still grinning. "Merlin, calm down, I was just saying you don't need to lay the weight of the world on them just yet. Tell him, Rowena."

The woman in the blue dress gave a disapproving frown as she looked up from the book she was reading. "Godric, I would tend to agree with Salazar on this one. They have a very important mission to accomplish and mollycoddling them will not aid them in said mission."

Isaviel blinked. "Surely the whole... 'the future of magic' thing is a bit of an exaggeration."

Salazar gave her a horrified look before turning back on Godric. "See what you've done? They need to be prepared for the worst, not be expecting the best!"

Godric's grin fractured a little. "Oh, come on, they're tough cookies to be here, aren't they?"

Salazar's jaw slackened. "Tough-"

"You did NOT just call us '_tough cookies_'."

Isaviel jumped, shocked by the sudden presence of Theoli, right behind her; Isaviel hadn't even noticed she was awake, let alone that she had been stood right by her for the past goodness knows how long. Theoli was staring at Godric, arms folded across her chest.

"Erm... no?"

"Better not have."

"I'd have thought you girls would like being fawned over by us," Godric pouted, "And By the way, why is your hair _white_?" He asked, staring at Isaviel's head.

She rolled her eyes. "Long story. Let's just say it wasn't my choice."

"You look like a-"

Sethoz stood up and brushed herself down. "I would choose your words carefully, Mister Gryffindor, lest ye be forced to perform the Llama Song," she said, before the four girls burst into fits of giggles. Three of the four founders exchanged confused glances (Hufflepuff seemed to be blissfully unaware of the situation and was currently watching a spider crawling along the floor).

Rowena cleared her throat. "Shall we get down to business?"

Salazar nodded to her, and the four founders took seats a chair apart from one-another. Isaviel figured they had to sit beside the house-founder whose house they were in, so she sat to the right of Salazar (and to the left of Helga). Theoli looked quite put out by the fact that she had to sit beside Godric, especially since Deazy and Sethoz took their seats, leaving only one open one. Grudgingly, she took it, and Isaviel offered her a sympathetic look from directly opposite her.

"So," Godric began. "How're you ladies doing?"

Isaviel resisted the urge to slam her head on the table. Theoli could only stare at the man beside her. "Considering we're here for reasons we're still not sure about? Pretty damn good."

"Ah, I see... Well that's good, isn't it?" He gave a beaming smile as he took Theoli's hand in his. "I'm glad to see that those beautiful emerald eyes still shine their ethereal light."

Theoli blinked. "...what?"

"Oh, your beautiful golden locks are enough to make me weak at the knees!"

"What?"

"Clearly I got the looker."

"WHAT?"

Salazar turned his nose up as he glanced around the room. "Are _these_ the best we could come up with? They look very young."

"That might be because we are," Sethoz said, rolling her eyes, "And if you wanted someone else, you could have made the little puzzle harder."

"She's right, you know, but dears, you can only try your best," Helga consoled, reaching over Isaviel to lightly pat Salazar on the head.

Salazar pushed her hand away. "At least mine has a decent Animagus form," he quipped, staring pointedly at Godric. Theoli would have been insulted had she not realised that this was less about her and more about the two house-founders going off into their own world of quarrels and arguments.

Godric sneered. "Well, mine'll peck your fuckers eyes out."

"Not if mine has her teeth and claws in yours' throat."

"That won't happen if mine's ten feet above, waiting to strike."

"Mind she doesn't get sucked into a muggle aeroplane engine."

"You retard, muggle planes don't fly at _ten feet_."

"I wouldn't know, I don't pay attention to _them_."

"You know enough to know what a bloody aeroplane is, though, eh?"

Rowena sighed and rolled her eyes, lowering her head and hitting it against the table a few times. Sethoz gave her a pat on the shoulder. "Are they always like this?"

"Yes."

"Damn. You have my condolences."

"Thank you."

Isaviel stood up and tried to intervene; "Listen, guys, please, can we just-"

She was interrupted by two synchronised bellows of, "We're in the middle of something here!" The shock caused her to fall back into the chair and hit her head on the back. She was so surprised that she didn't notice the tears welling up in her eyes, or falling down her cheeks. It was only when Theoli rushed over and Helga began to dab at her eyes with a handkerchief she realised she was crying.

Godric snorted. "Oh nice one, make a girl cry, you dumbass!"

"ME? That was YOU, you overgrown knucklehead!"

"I didn't see you NOT responding, asshole!"

"Oh, it is on, bitch!"

Theoli and Isaviel exchanged looks, then looked back at the two House Founders; two of the four people to whom the British Wizarding community would give thanks for starting a wonderful school, who laid the foundations for how children would be taught and brought up around wizardry, were rolling around on top of a table. It was... quite sad, really.

Theoli grinned with an evil glimmer in her eye. "Wow," She said. "Talk about repressed sexual tension."

The two froze, mid-fight. "...what?"

"Dude, just kiss him," Isaviel said, "Then we can get on with things."

Godric threw Salazar off himself - and the table, leaving the latter in a heap on the floor - and stood up, looking down on the girls with a rather misplaced sense of superiority. "Girls," he began in a chiding tone. "That's not even something to joke about. How could I let the female members of the wizarding community down by being... by being..."

"...gay?"

"Yes, that. Now, I don't have problems with people being that way inclined, hell, I set up a school with Slytherin-"

Salazar got up onto his feet. "OI!"

"There's no need to deny it, Salazar, be free! Feel as if you can talk to us about anything!" He knelt down on the table and clasped Salazar's hands in his own. "You mustn't feel repressed, my friend!"

"...are they for real?" Sethoz asked as they all edged away from the table.

Rowena nodded. She glanced towards Helga for some backup and found that she and Deazy were busy breathing on the windows to cloud it up, so that they could draw little pictures all over the glass. Sighing, she turned her attention back to Salazar and Godric.

"Yeah, see, that's why we say you two need to get a room five minutes ago," Isaviel said, shaking her head at the two men. "Can you please either get the hot mansex over with or try and bottle your feelings of lust up until after we're gone?"

Sethoz pulled a face. "Looooong after we're gone."

Godric let go of Salazar's hands and dove back into his seat so quickly that it was all Isaviel could do not to laugh out loud. After a further few minutes, order was restored and everyone was sat back in their chairs.

Rowena now had a pile of papers and a set of books in front of her and she sifted through the papers as she spoke. "Now, if we could get back to the subject matter at hand. You girls are here because you were chosen to follow through with a prophecy foretold many, many years before you were born."

Deazy looked confused. "So... are we here because of the prophecy, or is this prophecy starting because we're here?"

"A bit of both. The prophecy itself was always calling the amulets back but they would only return when the time was right, when they had found their rightful wielder."

"Oh, I get it. They were working towards something but the something wouldn't start without them being here for the something to start, which they were trying to get here for? Wait..." Deazy wrinkled her nose.

Sethoz rolled her eyes. "And the prophecy?"

"Ah, yes. The prophecy itself... well..."

Salazar gave her a despairing look. "Why don't you tell them Rowena? Would be horrid to keep them waiting."

Isaviel narrowed her eyes. "Why is he putting the sark on?"

"Well... we left the writing of the prophecy itself to Godric..."

"'We'?"

"He had his heart set on it! I didn't want to upset him."

"So naturally she decided to put the fate of the wizarding world behind the needs of poor widdle Gwyffie."

Godric looked quite put out. "Hey, hey, hey! I can write a prophecy!" He pulled out a tatty looking notebook from his robes and cleared his throat as he turned the pages. "Ah, the prophecy. Let's see... 'An evil dude will come to the school to blow up the world'."

There was a very long, very uncomfortable silence, broken only by Helga's clapping which soon died off when nobody else joined her. Salazar seemed to be torn between wanting to laugh and wanting to cry; in the end he seemed to opt for the latter. Rowena wasn't sure what to say. "...is that it?"

"Well, yeah. That's about it. Oh no, wait; 'four chosen dudes will have to kick it's ass'. Well, apparently that was wrong, anyway," he said, glancing at the four girls.

Rowena gave a heavy sigh. "Does that make things clear for you girls?"

"Oh. Sure."

"As_mud_."

"I see." Rowena began to rifle through her papers again before taking a specific piece of parchment out and giving a sound of triumph. "It's a good thing I wrote one anyway then, isn't it? Don't sulk, Godric... and don't gloat, Salazar." She sent the piece of parchment across to Isaviel, who plucked it off the tabletop and read it through once.

"This... is the prophecy?"

Rowena nodded, then motioned for her to read it to the others.

"When the world is in peril, the Four will be united to drive back the darkness that threatens to overwhelm. When prophecies unfold, the timer will be started and 3 months from then, the first day will come. On the first day, the shadow will rise from the Underworld, the Kingdom of Beasts, and will infiltrate the school, blinding all those around it to their intentions; on the fifth day, the knights shall awaken from their deceit in order to aid the Chosen in their impending battle. The chosen, the knights, the kingdom of beasts, their destinies are linked not only to each other but to the darkness that dwells inside each one; one step too far and the darkness will consume them and all shall fall into the abyss..."

Isaviel paused for a moment before continuing. "On the thirtieth day those who wield the light will go head to head with those who wield the shadows. One will lose all that is dear to them; one will be tempted to evil; one will walk the footsteps of the Reaper, only to be resurrected by a lingering sense of hope; and one will fall, sacrificing themselves for the good of magic... Nothing will be certain; all will fall, yet nothing will be lost."

For a long time, nobody spoke; the words that Isaviel had recited were slowly sinking in and the severity of the situation was starting to hit home. They were in some pretty deep shit and the only way to get out of it was to endure it to the end. Then there was the part about one of them falling, and one of them turning...

Isaviel couldn't stand the tension any longer. "This is going to be epic."

Theoli grinned. "Damn right. Wonder if we'll be able to strike a pose at the end?"

"They might name buildings after us!"

"Or new school wings!"

"Or we'll get statues!"

Theoli snorted. "You remember what Severus said."

"Ah yes. We have to die for statues."

They all fell silent again. Rowena could see the worry in each of their faces. "Don't worry," she said, smiling. "We'll be by your side."

"What, in our memories?"

"No. As we said before, we're basically a memory, a preserved consciousness that the amulets held until a time where we would be needed. We are a part of those amulets that you hold. When you open them, instead of being transported there, we will appear where you are stood."

Theoli inspected her amulet. "So coming here was a one-time deal so that you could give us this prophecy?"

"Yes." Rowena nodded to the parchment which was still in Isaviel's hands. "Keep that close, and be wary, for only those who know about the prophecy can read it."

Isaviel drew her wand and tapped the piece of parchment, shrinking it so that it would fit easily inside her locket. Salazar raised an eyebrow but remained silent as he watched the girls stood side by side, facing the Four Founders. Finally, he gave a short sigh. "Good luck. You'll need it."

Before any of them could reply, they vanished from the room, back to their own time, leaving the Founders looking grim and worried. Rowena turned to Salazar. "Do you think they'll be able to do it?"

"I hope so. Or we're screwed."


	19. Operation LYCAN FORCE

**A/N:** So this took a little longer than anticipated... I'm so sorry for that. I've been basically procrastinating at life. On the upside, I'm applying for jobs now and will hopefully be employed soon! On the downside updates may become less. Well, not as long as it was between this and the last update, I hope. That was just ridiculous.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**

**Chapter Nineteen: Operation; LYCAN FORCE.**

**I.**

When Isaviel's eyes fluttered open, she was momentarily blinded by the sunlight that flooded in through the open window. Once her eyes got used to the brightness she pushed herself up into a sitting position and took in her surroundings, which were getting to be rather familiar. The infirmary was empty but for four beds, occupied by herself and her comrades who were still all fast asleep. It took a while for Isaviel to remember that they had been in the library before their trip to the consciousness, but she was hardly surprised; they had probably caused quite a calamity, the way they'd been flung backwards out of their seats.

The young Slytherin swung her legs out from under the cover and put her shoes on before quietly making her way towards the door. She wanted to wait until the others woke up, but she had to tell Dumbledore what they had learned about the prophecy; he may be able to help them in some way. As she tiptoed out of the infirmary, she had her back facing the direction in which she was moving, which wasn't a particularly smart thing to do as she found out when she walked into someone.

"Oh, god, I'm so sorry," she began as she turned, then relaxed when she saw Remus' familiar face. "Oh, hey you."

"Hey, you're awake!" He said, looking rather pleased. Isaviel noted that he seemed to look a little more bedraggled than usual, with dark rings under his eyes as if he hadn't slept in the past few days. The two moved away from the infirmary entrance so they wouldn't get in the way if anyone else came by. "How're you doing? You gave us all a bit of a shock."

Isaviel grinned. "You know us, we love to put on a show. Are you here to see Madam Pomfrey? 'Cause she doesn't seem to be in."

"No, no," he said, trying to look as if nothing was wrong. "No, I was just seeing how you guys are, since the others are in detention."

Isaviel quirked an eyebrow. "Good grief, how long have we been out of it? More to the point; what did they do?"

"You've been asleep for two days, would you believe. As for what the guys did..." Remus seemed to hesitate. "They got in trouble for fighting with Severus."

The memories of the past few times she and Severus had met came flooding back to her, and she felt her shoulders stiffen as she recalled things she'd rather not recall. Quite frankly, she couldn't give a toss about him right now. "You'd think they'd learn," she said instead, giving a cheeky grin.

Remus smiled, then glanced over Isaviel's shoulder as something caught his attention. "Hey, you. Back from the Land of Nod too?"

Isaviel turned to see Theoli, yawning and stretching as she made her way to the pair. "Ah-yup. Did we miss much?"

"Just the guys having another bitchfight, apparently."

Theoli gave a snort. "Must have been missing our ever-so-calming auras."

"Clearly. We're like, the pH Neutral girls."

"pH five-point-five, bitches- Hey, Remus, are you alright?"

Remus had gone from looking pale to pal_er,_ which Isaviel didn't even realise was possible. He had his eyes closed as he leaned against the cold stone wall, as if trying to regain balance or recover from a bought of nausea. When he opened his eyes, he gave a feeble smile. "I'm good."

"Good my arse," Theoli muttered. "You should lie down."

"No, I'll be fine, it's just... Time of the month, y'know?"

"Oh god, is it now?"

"Yeah, today's the last night of the you-know-what. Can we find a place to sit? I'll be fine if I just sit down."

The two girls helped him into the infirmary where the three sat around until Deazy and Sethoz finally woke up from their restless slumber. The worry for Remus meant that going to see Dumbledore was pushed to the back of her mind, and she only remembered that night at dinner when she saw the Headmaster as his usual spot on the high table. Isaviel supposed Dumbledore could wait a little longer, they had three months until the Prophecy really began. She just hoped that nothing untoward happened until then.

**II. **

The girls were lurking around the courtyard (which had been adopted as their stomping ground), wrapped up warm in their winter garb, when they saw Sirius run past at an astonishing speed. Isaviel half expected a loud screech when he came to a sudden halt and ran back in the opposite direction back towards them.

"There, you are," he heaved. "Been looking, EVERYWHERE."

"God, Sirius, you know we're usually here if you can't find us. What's wrong?"

"WelostRemus."

They blinked. "Excuse me, what?"

He seemed to be on the verge of exploding, but took the effort to speak slowly, so that the girls understood his predicament. "We. Lost. REMUS."

There was a brief silence, only broken by the wind whistling through the trees. Isaviel finally regained control of her jaw enough to hiss, "you lost a fucking great WEREWOLF?!"

Sirius waved his arms around at Isaviel before finally jamming his finger to his lips and making loud shushing noises, looking like a total moron as he made sure there was nobody around that might hear their conversation. Once he was satisfied they were alone, he motioned for the group to huddle closer, which they did. "See, we took him to the shack like we normally do, but he seemed far more agitated than usual. He just wouldn't calm down, no matter what we did." His frown deepened. "Then he just ran into this room and... disappeared. We assume he got out somehow... but we just can't see how."

"You searched the whole shack?"

"Top to bottom. We know he didn't get out because the room was totally in tact, and the Willow was still active when we checked it." Sirius looked severely worried. "We need you to help us find him."

"How can we help?"

"Well, come to the Shack, the guys are still looking there."

**III. **

The shack was, indeed, devoid of any werewolves, and the girls were also pretty convinced that he couldn't have escaped the way he came in after conducting various experiments with the tree and its reaction times. That, and he would have been sighted by someone within the school grounds; werewolves may be common in the forest but nobody has ever actually seen one on the grounds before. Also, the shack was searched, re-searched and re-searched yet again but there was no sign of Remus or any sign that he has broken through any of the old, rotting boards that covered the windows.

"Soldiers!" Theoli barked. "ATTEN-SHUN!"

The group stood in a line and saluted, knowing that Theoli took this shit seriously.

"Now, we need an update on the status of Operation; LYCAN FORCE. JAMES, go scout the final room! SETHOZ."

"SIR, YES SIR!" Sethoz stood forward as James scurried out of the room. "Currently, all the rooms of the shack are empty, and there have been no reports or screams from the castle or grounds, so we can deduce he is not in either place."

"Which begs the question, where is he? There is obviously some kind of portal in this house that he must have strayed into... The next stage of Operation; LYCAN FORCE will be-"

Sirius gave an exasperated sigh. "Oper- Dude, we just need to FIND him."

"SHUT UP AND SIT THE GODDAMN HELL DOWN, SOLDIER!" He recoiled, then sat on the dusty floor, pouting and muttering as he did so, after which Theoli continued. "So, Lycan Finders, let's go to the last room."

"Lycan Finders?" Isaviel looked unimpressed.

"You guys have any better suggestions?"

"The Lycan Support Group?"

"Lycans Need Friends Too?"

"Lycan LOLz?"

"Ooh," Sethoz chirped. "I like that one."

"So shall we have a vote or something?"

"Yeah, probably democratic."

James returned. "The, err, room is... um. There?"

"Ooh," Theoli chirped. "Yes, well, we can decide names later, right? Right now, what's important is finding Remmie, so let's go!" The group walked past an exasperated Sirius - who would have hit his head against the wall if he didn't know better - and into the final room; the room in which Remus had disappeared, the room he was last seen going into.

Deazy crouched down and knocked on walls at various moments, trying to find some kind of trap door. Unfortunately, after a few knocks her fist went right through the wall into the mouldy framework behind. Repulsed, she took her hand out and wiped it on her robes before standing up straight. "We've been here for hours, there's nothing to find."

"OBJECTION!"

Everyone looked at Theoli.

"...sorry. Anyway, there has to be something in this room. Something we're... we're _missing_." She began pacing the room, floorboards creaking with each step she took. "Something happened here that made him just disappear."

Sethoz piped up. "Maybe we're not seeing something he saw? Something that was made for his eyes only?"

Isaviel shook her head. "Doubt that... who'd want something only a werewolf can see?"

"Point... okay, something he said?"

Isaviel snorted. "What. You mean like... 'RAWRWRWARWRAWWWRAW!!!!!'"?

Everyone laughed at Isaviel's outburst, though it slowly died down to a nervous laughter as each occupant started to hear a low ringing. Gradually the ringing died down and left an awkward silence in it's wake. Everyone was about to go back to their previous conversation when a loud crack caused the entire Shack to shudder and groan as the wooden frame jolted to and fro, throwing dust out from any and all cracks in the plastering. Everyone took cover to wait for either death or calm. Well, everyone except Deazy, who was too busy inspecting a damp patch on the wall.

Once the dust settled, everyone looked up and found themselves staring into a bright blue orb that stretched across the entire far wall.

Sirius blinked. "...well I'll be damned."

Theoli approached it, cautiously. Then, giving a short shrug, reached out to touch it, finding that her hand went straight through it. "Huh. It really is a portal."

James also went to take a closer look. "You think Remus went through it?"

"It's the only explanation. He obviously went through this portal into another dimension."

Everyone nodded, readily accepting this explanation although portals and other dimensions were most certainly NOT common occurrences in the magical world. Still, the group were determined to get their friend back, and at any cost. Looking back at each other, they nodded before, one by one, each of the group stepped through the bright blue ring into something they could hardly comprehend.

Only Peter was left behind, after having hesitated and taken a last look around the shack. By the time he returned the portal was gone, and no matter how much he tried to open it, the wall remained dark and blank. The young Gryffindor, on the verge of tears, sat himself down and huddled his knees to his chest, hoping his friends would be okay.

* * *

**Oh no! Portals ahoy! Where will they go? All I can say is; expect lols and cracktacular adventures!**


	20. Silent Denial part I

**A/N:** Thus begins a few chapter of mindless crack to distract from the seriousness of the coming plotline. O: This involves just a teensy weensy bit of movie reference. . -cough- I've tried to keep it to movies that the vast majority of people will have seen, but it's not like I'm ordering people to go watch the movies for the sake of reading this fic. XD Most of it doesn't require you to know the plot or anything anyway. ;P

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts. The various movies referenced in the following chapters do not belong to me either (see a pattern here?).

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts  
****Chapter Twenty: Silent Denial (part I)**

**I.**

When Isaviel woke up, she was mildly surprised to find that she was laid on the floor of what was apparently an old, rundown store. Everything was in disarray; the shelves that were still in place were mostly empty, with only some basic food products lining them; the floor was covered in dirt and dust, as well as some strange substance that only made black smear-marks when Isaviel tried to dust it off herself; the far end of the shop looked like a small explosion had gone off, with the floor covered in rubble and large chunks of the wall that had fallen in, exposing the corridor behind the room she was currently in.

After a quick glance around (as well as a hefty amount of dusting off) Isaviel stood up and took a look around the cramped shop, finding Theoli slumped against the wall, yawning. "What happened?" She sounded groggy, still half-asleep, almost.

"I don't know," Isaviel replied, honestly, as she took a seat beside her friend. "Doesn't look like the others are around though."

"Well, one of us is," a voice said from the other side of the shelves.

"Remmie!"

Theoli pouted. "You're not a werewolf anymore?"

Remus gave a short shrug as he also joined them. "Apparently not."

"Dang," Theoli sighed, morosely. "Operation Lycan Force is over before it begins... KAAAAHN!"

Isaviel shook her head, laughing at the bewildered expression on Remus' face. "Theo went a bit... power crazy back at the Shack. Finding and rescuing you was a major military operation, wouldn't you know. Operation; LYCAN FORCE, it was called."

"Oh, fantastic," he laughed. "I'm sorry I deprived us all of that."

"As well you should be," Theo said, mock sulking.

After rolling her eyes at her friend, Isaviel attempted to move the conversation to more pressing matters. "So, what happened?"

"I don't really remember much, I just... woke up here."

"When?"

"Just now. I heard your voice and woke up."

Theoli frowned. "Weird, it was at least an hour between your disappearance and our stepping through that portal. That, and I don't understand how we could have been separated. I mean, you came through first and you're here. We all went through as a group and we've presumably been scattered around... wherever we are. Hey, where _are_ we anyway?"

Isaviel shrugged. "Damned if I know. Maybe some alternate universe?"

"I suppose taking a look outside might help us figure that out," Remus quipped.

"Shush with your logic, man. We're trying to work it out just by sitting here and doing nothing of much significance!"

"Speaking of which, there seems to be a map on the floor just over there. Awesome, we really can work things out by doing bugger all," Isaviel said, reaching across Remus to grab the map. "'Scuse me, deary."

"The Universe is on our side. Clearly."

Remus looked at the dust-covered map incredulously. "How do you know that map's for this town?"

Theoli blew some of the dust off the map into Isaviel's face. Paying no heed to her coughing friend, she pointed to the top of the map. "Because it says 'Welcome to the town of Silent Hill' on it? It's not like they'd sell these in Manchester, is it?"

"I suppose not," he said, taking a closer look at the map. "Seems like a small enough town, it shouldn't take us long to find the others."

"Unless they move about trying to find us, too."

Remus frowned. "True. I think we should move through the streets systematically, so that there's as little chance of us missing each other as possible."

"Good plan," Theoli said, getting onto her feet, putting her hands on her hips as she surveyed the dilapidated shop. "We can always come back here if we need to. This can be like, our base camp."

"Yes, Theo, this can be our base camp," Isaviel sighed, shaking her head.

Remus quickly pushed himself up and, once he had dusted himself off, offered Isaviel a hand. "Thanks," Isaviel muttered, before turning her attention to Theoli. "You might want to at least look like you tried to get that dust off your backside, you know."

"What are you doing looking at my backside?" Theoli quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, it's a little hard to miss," the Slytherin countered, at which Theoli gasped and clutched at her chest in a 'how dare thee' manner. She was then distracted by a dusty radio on the counter, which seemed to be making a low buzzing noise.

She picked it up and shook it a little. "Is this broken?"

"It will be if you keep shaking it like that," Remus said, gently taking the radio from Theoli and trying to tune it to a different frequency. After a few minutes tuning back and forth, the group gave up, not even able to find the buzzing channel again. "Maybe the signal here's bad. We should take it with us, might work somewhere else in town."

Shrugging, Isaviel put the Radio in the pocket of her robes as the group finally headed for the exit. The door had apparently come off its hinges slightly, which made it incredibly hard to shift, and it took all three of them to push against it to finally open it enough for them to get out. Once they were out, they took in their surroundings - or what little of it they _could_ see. The area was shrouded in a heavy fog so thick that they could barely see past a few yards in any direction. There was an eerie silence about the place that caused Isaviel to shiver slightly; there were no people, no vehicles, not even the sounds of birds. More prominent, however, was the apparent destruction and decrepitude of the town, with the exterior of the buildings looking just as bad as the shop's interior.

Theoli looked uneasy. "There is something seriously weird about this place."

"No kidding," Isaviel muttered, taking a few tentative steps into the middle of the road, taking another look around as if those few steps will have made some difference in how far she could see. Shaking her head lightly, she turned back to Remus and Theoli. "This place seems... deserted."

"No shit," Theoli said. "I wonder what happen-"

She stopped, and for a moment the other two wondered why. Then they heard it too; a faint ringing noise coming from the radio in Isaviel's pocket. Isaviel grabbed the radio and held it between the three of them, trying to listen for something other than ringing but eventually the noise died down yet again and they were left disappointed. Theoli groaned, taking the radio and smacking it against her hand. "What is _wrong_ with this thing?"

Without warning the radio began to hiss and crackle so loudly that the trio jolted and Theoli nearly dropped the radio. The ringing was back and mingled in with the static, growing louder and louder until it became almost unbearable. Before Isaviel had the chance to grab and turn the radio off a dark shape flew between the three, causing them to jump back before any of them were struck. From the sound of the clatter, she could only assume the radio had been flung from Theoli's hand, but the continuous ringing told her that it wasn't damaged. Unfortunately the three had scattered to get away from the creature, and were now hiding and out of sight of each other as well.

"What the HELL was that?!"

_Theoli's voice_, Isaviel thought. _At least she's alright._

"I have no idea," Remus called from not too far to Isaviel's right.

"I've lost the bloody radio!" Theoli hissed, sounding more than a little irate.

The volume of the noise it was giving had been fluctuating and above the noise Isaviel could (just about) hear the flapping of wings. Oddly enough, the flapping got louder with the sound of the radio. _The radio must be linked to whatever that thing is,_ Isaviel mused. Too bad that piece of information was about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike right about now.

Her mind was working overtime, trying to think of something that she could do to get them out of this mess. She was also thinking about how they had gotten into the mess in the first place but the prior thought was a bit more pressing at the moment so she put the other on hold. As Isaviel shifted into a kneeling position her hand struck a hard object, which rolled against the wall and let out a small _clong_.

_A metal pipe, eh? _She gripped the heavy pipe in her hands, testing the weight out. _Well, it's do or die._

"Just stay where you are, guys!"

"Oh, good idea," Theoli drawled.

"Sarcasm isn't your colour, CB," she called, standing up and turning the corner with her back flat to the wall. The radio's ringing was still very loud, which probably meant the _thing_ was still somewhere nearby.

"Wait, what are you doing? Get back behind the wall!"

Remus could apparently see her; it was too bad she couldn't see him right about now. "Just trust me. I'm immense at rounders."

"She's right, although someone telling me how this conversation is relevant to our current situation would be awesome, too."

Isaviel would have answered, but the flying thing returned, swooping and flying directly at her. Gripping the bat tightly in her hands she stepped away from the wall and waited until the thing was at just the right distance before letting rip, thrusting the bat forwards with all the speed and strength she could muster. She hit it in the head, sending it flying backwards onto the hard surface of the road.

_The radio's still going... that means it's still alive?_

As way of an answer the creature returned, catching Isaviel off guard. Its claws sunk into her arm, making a deep gash and causing her to drop the metal pipe onto the floor with a clatter. She clambered to the ground to get it, aware that the thing was probably coming back to have another go. She could vaguely hear Remus and Theoli shouting something but her mind was filled with the ringing and static of the radio, which she could now see from her new vantage point on the ground.

She reached out and grabbed the pipe and then, in one swift move, turned over and slammed it into the side of the creature's head with such force that it flew a few feet away. It wasn't getting up again. With one final blow, the creatures life and the radio's shrill scream came to an end, leaving a rather knackered Isaviel to crawl over to the shop front - picking up the radio on the way - and sit with her back against the window.

After a moment, Theoli and Remus approached her, unsure about how safe it was to emerge. Theoli prodded the dead creature with her foot. "What in the hell is this thing?"

"I don't know," Isaviel replied, honestly. "But I'm willing to bet it's not one-of-a-kind."

"The radio, it's linked to the creature, isn't it?" Theoli sat beside Isaviel and took the radio to inspect it closer. "Cause it stopped when you killed the thing. Which, by the way, made you look painfully awesome."

"Too bad all I'm feeling is 'ow'." Isaviel looked at her arm, which had a nasty gash running from the shoulder down to near the elbow. Thankfully it wasn't a deep cut, but it was bleeding enough to cause her a little concern.

"We need to get that bandaged," Remus said, crouching to his knees to take a closer look. "Maybe we should go back into the store to see if we can find anything."

"And take shelter," Theoli said, nodding in agreement. "Because I'd rather not be outside when this thing starts making noises again." As if on cue, the radio started to let out a low shrill. The group looked at each other, then clambered towards the door of their Base Camp.

**II. **

Meanwhile across the other side of the town Sirius and Deazy had been trying to find their way out of the town's school which, unfortunately for them, had an infuriatingly complicated floor plan. They had woken up not long ago in one of the classrooms on the second floor and after a while of looking around nearby rooms they decided that the others must be somewhere else, as their shouts remained unanswered. They spent at least an hour trying to find their way to the stairs that lead to the ground floor, whereupon they finally found what seemed to be the school office. In the office, they managed to find a map and a torch (Deazy also found a mouldy sandwich and a moth-eaten bible, which Sirius wasn't too impressed with, much to Deazy's woe).

So finally, two hours after they had initially woken up, the duo found the main way in and out of the school. Outside, they saw much the same thing that Isaviel, Theoli and Remus had; very thick fog shrouding what looked to be absolute desolation. They decided to try and head for the northernmost area of the town, then circle around, calling past as many of the places that their friends could be hiding as possible.

Sirius couldn't help but feel uneasy at the unnatural silence that surrounded them as they walked down the street, looking into the shops as they walked by in the hopes that they'd see a familiar face. Deazy, on the other hand, seemed to be rather jovial about the whole experience, skipping along the street as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Don't you ever get tired of being absent minded?"

Deazy gave a smile. "I'm not absent minded, I'm just cheerful."

"You're cheerful... even in a situation like this?"

"Especially in a situation like this!" She proclaimed. "The two of us are here, in this strange place we've never seen before, after having walked through a portal. Now we're hoping there's no axe-murderers around any corners, or some terrible beasties that may come and eat our innards or suck on our eyeballs or even chop us up to make a stir-fry! We need cheery!"

Sirius stared at her, not really sure about what to say. He did feel a hundred times more anxious about their current situation though, which he was a little irritated about. So he chose to ignore Deazy and just walk on, knowing that he's going to get more and more angry with her the more she spoke.

When they got to the second crossroad, Sirius thought he heard someone shouting. He turned to Deazy. "Do you hear that?"

"Yup. It's Thoz and James." She nodded, sagely.

"How the heck can you know that?"

"I have good hearing," she said, matter-of-factly. "Come on, they might move off if we don't catch up."

Sure enough, as the two jogged along the street, they came upon Sethoz and James, arguing about which way they were meant to be going. They didn't even notice Sirius and Deazy for a while, and Sirius had to clear his throat loudly to make their presence known.

"Oh my God, finally, people!" Sethoz clung to Deazy.

"Oh, thanks," James muttered.

"You know what I mean. Hey, where are Theo and Isa?"

"We don't know," Sirius said. "Was just us two in the school."

"We woke up in some crashed, abandoned schoolbus," James said, motioning behind him. "Must be from the school."

"So the road leads all the way out?"

"Well, not really..." Sethoz trailed off, glancing at James.

"What do you mean, 'not really'?"

"The road's out. Literally."

"As in blocked off?"

"As in gone." Sethoz glanced around, suddenly getting the uncomfortable feeling that they were being watched. "It's just... a sheer cliff. We can't even see if there's an 'other side' because the fog is so thick."

"Dammit," Sirius muttered. "Maybe this road'll be accessible," he continued, pointing to another road leading out of the town.

"Oh, you found a map," Sethoz said, slightly happier. She took it and inspected it, noting that there weren't many ways to get out of the town.

"Yeah, in the scho-"

A sudden, inhuman shriek echoed around them, causing the group to frantically look around to see where the noise came from. The fog restricted their vision, so they had to rely on their sense of hearing for now. The next cry that came was decidedly closer than the last, setting everyone on edge.

"What do we do now?"

"Any cheerful comments, Deazy?"

"Fresh out," the Hufflepuff said. "But you know what'd be a good idea?"

"What?"

"Running. Very, very fast."

The group did just that, running whilst listening to Sethoz' frantic instructions about which way to turn to get somewhere that might offer then enough cover until they worked out just what the hell was going on.

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**This was split into two parts because it was too long. XD Hope you're enjoying it. ;3**

**Reviews please. O:**


	21. Silent Denial part II

**A/N:** There's some pretty bad language hurr. Not entirely sure if I should change the fic's rating for that or not. -.-; Either way; enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts. The various movies referenced in the following chapters do not belong to me either (see a pattern here?).

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**  
**Chapter Twenty: Silent Denial (part II)**

I.

"Dammit, there's a store in America that _doesn't_ have guns in them?!"

"Now really isn't the time to be relying on stereotypes, Theo," Isaviel said, jumping slightly as the creature threw itself at the window for the third time. When the three had managed to squeeze into the shop again they had pulled the door to, in case the creature that was after them somehow managed to do the same. Upon closer inspection of the map they had realised with slight confusion that it was an American town they were in; Silent Hill, NE. They probably would have tried to work out how on earth they had managed to cross an entire ocean by stepping through some portal but were interrupted by the sound of the creature's scream.

"I don't see you trying to help us find a solution, though," she replied in a sing-song manner, continuing to look through all of the shelves in the store to find something that might be of some use to them. So far they'd only managed to find some cans of food, a plastic bow and arrow set and some packets of toothpicks. Not exactly ready to equip an army. "Oh God, we're going to die, aren't we?"

"Let's try to be positive, even if it's all a lie," Remus muttered, looking underneath the shelves for anything that may have fallen at some time. Theoli snorted at his words, but said nothing.

Isaviel looked around the small store to see if there was any place they hadn't yet looked. There was a back room to the store, she was sure of it, but there was no way to get to it because of the rubble from the fallen walls. She could only imagine how bad the back of the place looked, but she had to look. There _had_ to be something useful in there.

She grabbed one of the shelves, rattling it about to make sure it was stable, then climbed on top of them. Once on the top, she reached for the grill that was covering the vent and stood on her tip-toes, looking around inside the roof-space; it was very small and very dusty but she suppose could make it if... she didn't really need to breathe anyway. As she reached upwards to grab something that she could use to lever herself up there she heard Theoli's panicked voice.

"What are you doing? What if there's something up there?!"

"Then I probably die. Either way it's a-" she grunted as she lifted herself into the small space, "it's a no-win situation. Trust me though, I'll be fine." She stuck her head out of the roof. "Stay there, the windows are barred so they shouldn't give."

Without waiting for a reply she crawled through the muck and dust, grimacing as she came across the occasional dead critter whilst she headed for the general area of the back of the shop. Once she reached another grate, she pushed it off and dropped it, noting that there wasn't really anything for her to stand on to get back up there; it would kind of suck if she was stuck there forever, but never mind, she had to get out. With great difficulty she turned herself around so that she could get out of the hole feet first, and landed on the ground with surprising ease.

Slowly, she continued down the hallway, keeping low and staying vigilant in case some horrible creature was lurking somewhere, waiting to gnaw on her neck like it was a chew-toy. Luckily, the back rooms were empty of anything unpleasant. Eventually she reached what looked like the staff room, where she found a few suitably weapon-y items that she could take with her including a knife, a crow-bar, and a handgun with some extra ammunition. She was about to leave with her finds when something red caught her eye; a fire axe.

She looked from the knife to the axe, then back again. Shrugging, she tossed the knife over her shoulder and took the axe, then headed back to the vent and put her spoils on the floor as she returned to the staffroom to see if there was anything she could use to get back up there. Unfortunately, there wasn't; her luck was shit when she really needed it to be awesome.

There was only one option, go out the back door and around to the front and hope there was still only one of those ugly things around the place. She snatched a tool-belt from the staff-room (as well as some other little bits and pieces that she thought could be useful) and hooked the crowbar and axe onto it so that she could hold the handgun with both hands for when she needed to use it. Hey, she'd seen it on TV; it can't be that hard to fire a gun, right? In true espionage movie style (albeit a slightly twisted espionage movie) she slipped out of the doorway and crept towards the storefront, back flat against the wall.

_This seems vaguely familiar,_ she mused, taking a sneaky peak around the corner. The creature had apparently given up trying to break the door down and was perched on top of the bin that was by the door, ready to take the head off anything that dared to take a look.

Isaviel slipped the belt off and tried to gently put it and the tools on the ground around the corner. She failed, and the axe made a hard sound as it hit the floor, attracting the attention of the bin-sitter when she least wanted it.

_It's now or never._

She turned the corner, gun hand raised with her other supporting it, took aim, and pulled the trigger. Three loud shots later and the creature was dead, twitching with leftover brain activity but very much deceased. She took a deep breath and knocked on the window before picking the belt and tools up and squeezing back in through the door.

"Dude," Theoli said, eyes wide. "That was AWESOME." Remus was just staring at her, awestruck.

"I know," Isaviel said with pretend smugness, trying to hide the fact that her hands were shaking uncontrollably. Not because of fear, mind you, but because of adrenaline; using a gun, it brought her an inexplicable thrill that she adored. She placed the crowbar and axe onto the nearby counter. "I found us some weapons. Naturally, I got first dibs on the gun-"

Before she had even finished Theoli grabbed the fire axe, looking at the smooth, sharp edge of the blade with a worrying level of awe and wonder. Remus glanced at Isaviel. "I guess I'll take the crowbar?"

"Good choice."

"Sorry, Remmie. You snooze you lose."

Remus rolled his eyes, though his smile let Theoli know he didn't mind really.

Once the three were geared up, they slipped out of the store once more and set about working out what they should do. They weren't outside more than five minutes before they heard a screaming not too far away. They jogged in the general direction the sound was coming from and literally collided with the rest of their troupe, who were running frantically in the other direction.

"Oh, hey guys!" Deazy grinned broadly. "Fancy seeing you here!"

Theoli blinked. "Wha- nevermind, God, are we glad to see you guys."

"That's all well and good but we need to leave, this place is seriously fucked up to the hundredth degree." James looked behind himself, trying to see past the fog.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Isaviel said.

Sirius looked at the object in Theoli's hand. "...are you holding an_axe_?"

"Yes. Yes I am. He's called Fred, by the way."

Isaviel rolled her eyes. "We-" The radio on her belt started to give a shrill ring. Almost instinctively, she took the gun from her belt and held it beside herself to the gasps of surprise from the members they had just met up with. "We need to get inside somewhere," she said, looking around for any signs of movement.

"I'm on it," Theoli said, rushing eagerly to the nearest shop to use her axe on the door.

"Theoli, don't destroy the door please, we need to be able to _close_ it."

Her shoulders slumped as she used the axe to ram the door in instead of obliterate it with the sharp, shiny edge. She took a quick look around the shop before ushering everyone inside. Isaviel wasn't long behind, and once she was inside, they closed the door and retreated further into the shop, which turned out to be a gun shop.

As Isaviel hunted around for some spare ammunition, the two groups shared their stories.

**II.**

Theoli stared at Sirius. "Wait... So that was _you_ screaming?"

"What about it?" His glare got fiercer the redder his face got.

"You scream like a girl."

"What-"

Isaviel covered his mouth with her hand to stop him from going off on another rant; he's already ranted about how they were lost, didn't know how to get home, all for nothing since Remmie was okay, 'Isaviel has a_gun_', how are they going to get out of this mess, where did those freakish things come from, why are they after us... and so on.

"Listen, we need to find another portal out of here, and we won't do that with you bitching and whining," Isaviel said, thwapping Sirius round the back of the head. "Now hush."

Sethoz giggled at Sirius' pouty sulk. "How are we going to find another portal? Its not like they're readily available."

"Well, there has to be a way out if there's a way in. It's like, some law of... of lawness. Or something."

"...thankyou, Deazy. Anyways, all we can do is look. I'd say we start with the biggest places; the hospital, the school-"

"Oh hell no," Sirius said, waving his arms around. "I am not going to go back to that school."

"Well fine, stay here by yourself," Theoli said, shrugging. "Cause we're going."

After a bit more sulking, Sirius finally agreed that it was best that they check the places out since he and Deazy didn't really have a chance to really look into many of the rooms at the school. That, and he wasn't particularly fond of the idea of being stuck anywhere on his own.

With most of the group now armed (Isaviel got herself a proper gun-belt and Theoli was happy just lovingly stroking Fred the fire axe) they made a plan that would enable them to get to the school by the most direct route. They managed to avoid encountering any more monsters, much to everyone's relief, but they hurried inside the school building anyway, just in case.

Isaviel looked around at the old, dilapidated school. The floor was covered in dirt and grime and there was the odd smeared patch of what looked like thick black oil. The paint on the walls flaked off into her hand when she tried touching them, revealing a damp-infested wall behind it. She was surprised the place was still standing, the state it was in.

Theoli had hurried ahead and was rummaging around the main office with Deazy and Sirius, trying to find some sort of clue or object of some use. No clues, but they found a set of keys as well as a couple of torches. Theoli hooked one of the torches onto her tool belt, which she yoinked from Isaviel, and gave the other to Remus, who was busy inspecting the paintings on the walls of various prophets and angels. "Wow... Must have been a pretty religious school."

"Look where their religion got them," Isaviel muttered, making her way down the hallway, closely followed by Theoli and the rest of the group. Something about the school made her incredibly uneasy and on edge but she wasn't entirely sure what.

Trying to push the feelings to the back of her mind they went on, checking each classroom as they went, finding each in as much disarray as the next, but also as empty.

James frowned. "What the hell happened to this town?"

Remus shuddered slightly. "All I know is, I want to get the hell out of here as soon as possible."

They reached the end of the corridor where there was now only one door left to open; the girl's toilet. The boys hung back, feeling a tad uncomfortable about going in. Sethoz and Deazy volunteered to go in and take a look around.

"Be careful," Theoli said to them as they went in.

For a moment Isaviel was sure she heard a soft crying, but since nobody else commented on it she assumed it was just the wind. She leaned against the wall with her arms folded across her chest, suddenly very aware of the possibility that they may never get home. They'd entered a bloody _portal_, for goodness' sake, doesn't exactly scream out 'reliable mode of transport'. She suddenly missed Severus a great deal; he'd have a sarcastic word or two to say about the situation, and would probably be smart enough to be able to work out some sort of way out. Isaviel made a mental note to talk to him the moment they got back... if indeed, they ever did.

The sound of Sethoz's scream wrenched her from her thoughts and the group burst through the door. "What? What happened?"

Sethoz and Deazy were crowded around the last cubicle, looking horrified but unable to look away. Everyone approached, quite sure that whatever caused such a reaction wasn't going to kill or maim them in any way... or so they hoped.

Inside the cubicle there was a man strung up with barbed wire, which was crisscrossed the entire stall, wrapping itself around the figure in the middle and in some cases going through his flesh. He had been tied up, his legs yanked up behind him in a spine-crushing posture; it was almost like some sadistic torture had gone on. He was wearing the tattered uniform with the nametag - reading 'Colin' - barely visible after goodness knows how many years of wear.

Everyone stepped backwards until they got to the door.

Theoli stared. "Oh. Oh wow. That was some twisted shit right there."

Isaviel wasn't entirely sure what to say. After all, it wasn't everyday one came across the carcass of a man tortured to death in the girl's bathroom with barbed wire. "I... guess he's just hangin' around?"

There was an awkward silence.

Theoli burst out laughing and was soon joined by Isaviel. Everyone else just stared at them, perplexed at their bizarre behaviour at such a discovery. Remus scratched his head. "...err, guys? Are you... are you alright?"

"Yeah," Theoli heaved, still laughing. "Yeah, we're just hangin' with Colin." That set them both off again.

A siren began to echo through the room, sounding almost haunting as it bounced off the cracked tiled walls and floor. The laughter stopped immediately, as if the siren was some sort of metaphorical cold tap that had just drenched the whole group.

Theoli gulped. "Is it just me, or does this siren sound like it's saying; 'DOOOOOEEEEOOOOOOEEEEOOOOOOOOOOM!!!'? Like some crazy ass omen."

Just as the word 'omen' left her mouth, the room started to grow dark, far quicker than any natural occurrence could make it do so. Theoli and Remus turned on the torches and surveyed the room which was now changing in front of their very eyes; the very walls themselves seemed to be melting away to reveal a dark red underneath from which the same sticky substance from the hall earlier was running, pooling across the floor, which had suddenly gone from just being dusty to being covered in drying, coagulating blood. The tiles fell off the walls, smashing on the floor only to melt into them as if they never even existed.

The group were suitably freaked out.

"What the shit is this?!" Theoli wafted the torch around.

Isaviel grabbed Theoli's arm. "Shh."

As they listened, there was a loud 'twang' from the far cubicle, followed by a guttural moan. Then another 'twang'. And another. And another... Then, a slapping thud as something landed onto the grimy tiled floor.

The group jumped back as an arm came out from the cubicle, smacking down onto the floor and then pulling along the ground. Gradually, they saw 'Colin' pulling himself out from the stall, his legs still bent back over his head, hooked on the rings of barbed wire still coiled around his head and face. His tongue flickered in and out of his mouth obscenely, like he was tasting the air around himself to find them. He stopped advancing and grabbed the wall, instantly sending out what could only be described as long strings of red, pulsating veins that moving so quickly across the wall and floor that in less than a minute they would have reached Theoli's foot.

"Well shit."

The group all but clambered over each other to get the hell out of there and as they made for the exit they could hear the cries of anguish from the strange creature they left behind.

_Sorry Colin, can't hang around,_ Theoli thought with woe.

The turned corner after corner, passing any number of creatures which they refused to even try and see; seeing meant that it was real and at the moment, they didn't need any more strange occurrences happening. Unfortunately, there was one waiting for them at the exit of the school, blocking their way out of that crazy joint.

The group came to a grinding halt. Isaviel, who had run into the back of James, looked over his shoulder, holding her nose. "What's the hold-"

In front of them was a 10ft monstrosity of a man, or at least a very, very scaled up version of a man who was stood directly facing them. He had a metal cage encasing his head in the shape of a pyramid, which was deep red and matted looking. In his hand he held a huge knife which was almost as large as he was, the blade of which was chipped and rusted but still looked incredibly sharp.

"Oh dear."

Theoli gave a nervous laugh. "You don't suppose he'd be willing to help us out of here?"

The Pyramid-headed man lifted his knife and in two steps had come to just within a few feet of the group. He swung the weapon, just missing his targets who were forced to scatter to avoid being sliced in two.

Theoli gaped. "I guess not!"

"How can he even see with that thing on his head?!"

They dodged another attack and ran through the nearest door, which led into the courtyard. The sky was pitch black and if it weren't for the reddish-brown clouds that hung low in the sky Isaviel could have believed it was just night time, it was just too bad she knew better. They all burst through the doors at the other side of the courtyard and waited with bated breath to see if the Pyramid-head was following them. After a minute passed, Isaviel allowed herself a small sigh of relief.

"We really need to get out of this place," Sethoz said, voice wavering with fear. "This? This is not normal!"

James snorted. "Oh, here's me wondering why this didn't happen that often."

Theoli glared. "Dude, really not the time- Deazy! Get away from that door!" She dragged a disappointed looking Deazy away from the door where she was peering out into the courtyard.

"I was just seeing if he was coming too."

"We don't want him to be coming."

"But you'd want to know he was coming."

"...good point. Keep watch."

Deazy grinned and skipped back to the door, joined by Isaviel, as Sirius flapped his arms around. "THIS is why I didn't want to come back to the school!"

"The school was like this when you were here?" Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Well, no, but it was still creepy."

"This?" Theoli looked around. "This is _beyond_ creepy."

Sethoz made a shushing noise. "Do... do you guys hear something?"

Isaviel glanced up, looking at nothing in particular as she tried to focus on her hearing. There was a small patter, like someone was walking along the hall with bare feet... soon there were more of them coming closer and closer. In the distance at the far end of the corridor something was glowing a dark orange colour shining from a series of dark figures.

To her horror Isaviel realised the figures were warped, deformed creatures no bigger than small children; their faces had been contorted and stretched so that they twisted around, their feet turned inwards to an unnatural degree. Their short arms reached for them the closer they got, and they let out the most hideous high-pitched scream.

Once again, the group turned and ran into one another before scrambling to find the nearest empty room to lock themselves in. Eventually they found a small classroom and piled in. Theoli slammed the door shut behind her, her face ashen. "What the hell were THEY? Those... those 'WRYYYYYYYYYY!!!!' things?!"

"And why didn't you SHOOT them!?" Sirius pointed an accusing finger at Isaviel.

"Shut up! Did you see how many there- Wait..."

There was a familiar low ring that vibrated around the room. Then, after that died down, a loud pop. They all turned towards the far wall and, sure enough, there was a portal that stretched across the wall, though this time it was yellow. Theoli tilted her head. "Huh. Fancy that."

From the other side of the door there was a harsh scraping noise. Then without warning a huge blade came crashing through the door, obliterating it and sending splinters in every direction.

Sethoz stared with wide eyes. "Time to go."

They vaulted desks and chairs in order to get to the portal, not even hesitating before they plummeted into the golden doorway to what they hoped would be Hogwarts.


	22. It Reads Like A Mills & Boon Novel

**A/N:** Haha, this ended... really, really fluffily. More so than I'd anticipated. XDDD This is what absence from the fic does to me. But yes, couples emerge now. ;D

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts. The various movies referenced in the following chapters do not belong to me either (see a pattern here?).

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts****  
Chapter Twenty-Two: It Reads Like A Mills & Boon Novel**

**I.**

Once the dust had settled after their tumble out of the other end of the portal Isaviel was relieved to note that they were in the Shrieking Shack again. She had stumbled and fallen just in front of the portal, which meant that anyone coming out after her tripped and fell, thus creating a neat pile of bodies in the dust, at the bottom of which was a crushed Isa. She groaned and crawled out of the bottom of the pile, rolling over and coughing when a new cloud of dust came up from the floorboards.

"Oh, thank God you're back!"

She opened an eye to see Peter stood at the doorway. "Hey Peter, did you wait for us?"

"No," he pointed to the window. "You were gone all night. You're lucky it was Friday night."

She looked over to the boarded up window and sure enough she could see the sunlight streaming into the room through the gaps in the boards, making the still unsettled dust look like dancing gold. Isaviel gave a sigh as she pushed herself to her feet, patting herself down whilst the rest of the crew untangled themselves and did the same.

"Did anyone notice?"

"No, though I was asked a few times where the 'other three' were."

Sirius brushed the dust from his robes. "What did you say?"

"That we're not conjoined at the hip." He huffed, as if the memory of the incident had him offended all over again.

Isaviel glanced down and noted that her gun belt, as well as the weapons it held, were gone. She could only assume that they couldn't get through the portal or something. Either way she was glad to be rid of them; although shooting the gun had given her an immense thrill, the terror that preceded and followed the thrill didn't really make it seem worthwhile. Now, she knew _she_ was happy to be rid of her weapon, but...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Isaviel jumped, then turned to see Theoli hammering on the wall, now devoid of any portal. Sirius grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "What are you doing?!"

She shrugged him off and continued hammering on the wall, making the whole room vibrate. "FRED! MY FRED!"

Peter blinked. "Fred?"

"Her fire axe. Don't ask."

"I'LL SAVE YOU!" She cried, voice frantic. "I'LL CUT OPEN THE PORTAL WITH FRED-" She stopped, then looked down at her empty hands, then back at the wall, dismayed. "...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Remus winced at the screaming. "God, she's louder than I am during the transformation."

"You guys had better go look natural or something," Isaviel said to everyone else and waved to them all as they left. Unfortunately for Sirius Theoli had grabbed him by the collar and was shaking him so hard he looked like he was about to vomit. "WOAH!" Isaviel grabbed Theoli. "Why are you trying to kill him?"

"BLASPHEMOUS WORDS!"

"What?"

"All I said was that we'd get you a new fire axe. A better one!"

"NO! There's no better than what I had! I'll never know a love like that again..." She collapsed to the floor in a dramatic fashion and gave a choked sob. "Oh Fred, why? WHY?!" She thrust her arms to the sky. "WHYYYY?!"

Isaviel gave Sirius a terrified look. "Don't just sit there, DO something!"

"Like what? She just tried to kill me the last time I tried to help!"

"Well then help, and don't do anything stupid," Isaviel snapped.

"Fine!" He grabbed Theoli's arms and shook her lightly before leaning forward and pressing his lips to hers. Theoli's eyes widened so much Isaviel thought her eyelids were going to turn inside out. After a moment her shoulders relaxed, then she flung her arms around Sirius' neck and the two fell to the floor.

"...well, that's one way of shutting her up, I suppose," Isaviel said, more to herself since neither was listening to her anymore. "Uh... yeah. I'm... gonna... bye." She fled out of the shack, pretty sure that she didn't want to stay any longer than she already had.

She got to the courtyard and stopped for a moment. She wanted to go and find Severus, but first things first; she had to go find Dumbledore and tell him about the prophecy. She nodded to herself, then turned to head in the direction of the headmasters office only to find that she was facing him. Giving a yelp, she stumbled backwards, thankfully finding a wall to stop her from falling on her butt.

"Well... good morning, sir."

"Good morning, Miss Fortesque."

"You know, I was totally just looking for you."

"Really now?" The headmaster gave a kind smile. "Well then, let us head to my office where we can hide from this chilly wind, shall we?"

"Sounds good to me."

**II. **

"So the four founders told you of the prophecy, after you were sent to some sort of preserved consciousness where the four of them reside?" Dumbledore placed a mug of hot chocolate in front of her and to her glee she found he'd added little marshmallows.

"Yeah... it sounds really crazy, I know, but you know when we were knocked out in the library?"

"Indeed, you caused a lot of worry."

"Sorry." She blew over the hot drink a little before continuing, "Well, that was when it happened. We opened the lockets and some sort of... fragmented spell just FLEW out and BAM!" she swung her arm in a punching sort of motion. "We were out of it."

The headmaster seemed to be deep in thought as he got up and went over to the shelves behind his desk, um-ing and ah-ing before making a triumphant sound and returning to the desk with a book. He placed it in front of her, open at a page with portraits of the four founders... though they looked very much older than they had done in their encounter with them. Isaviel said so, and the headmaster seemed to fall into an even deeper train of thought.

Then she remembered one of the last things the group were told before they woke up; the founders would be with them anywhere they went, they would remain in the locket and all they had to do was to open the lockets to speak to them.

Before Isa could say this, there was a knock at the door, which turned out to be Theoli. "Hey, thought you'd be here. How far into the story are you?"

"Just about to tell him about the whole 'opening the locket' thing."

The headmaster had already conjured another mug of chocolate for Theo, who took it gleefully. She then took her locked out from under her robes. "We gonna open them?"

Isa glanced at the headmaster, who gave a shrug as if to say 'go ahead'. So they did. For a second after they opened their lockets nothing happened, and then, a shimmering light flooded from the necklaces, floating high into the air before coming back down, growing and growing until they became the form of Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor.

Salazar looked less than pleased. "You've called us already? The prophecy hasn't even started!"

Godric elbowed him out of the way and took the girls non-hot chocolate holding hands, kneeling down and smiling up at them. "Ignore him, I, at least, am glad to be in the company of such beauties once again."

"You imbecile," Salazar muttered, kicking Godric in the arse so he fell between the two girls.

Isaviel rolled her eyes, then turned to the Headmaster, who was actually looking slightly bewildered. "Sir," she said, motioning to the two founders who were now having a scrap on the office floor. "These are two of the founders of Hogwarts."

"Doesn't this scene just fill you with awe and pride, sir?"

Dumbledore got up from his desk and walked around to the front, still with a look of disbelief on his face. For a while they watched the two fighting without saying a word, with the girls just slurping away on their hot chocolates which, by the way, were _to die_ for. After a moment a feeling of déjà vu started to niggle at the three of them. They all exchanged glances.

"Say..." Isa glanced at the scene before them. "Do they... remind you of anyone?"

"I was just about to say the same thing," Dumbledore said. "Though it's not immediately obvious."

"I'm not really sure why we didn't see this before," Theo said. "It's like..."

"They're Sirius and Severus."

The three began to chuckle away but eventually the whole thing started to get tedious, so Theo kicked Godric off of Salazar. "What is it with people kicking me today?!"

"We didn't call you out here to act on your repressed feelings of lust, you know."

Salazar gave a retching sound as he got to his feet, then finally noticed the presence of the headmaster. "Ah," Salazar said, extending a hand. "You must be the current headmaster!"

"Indeed, I am," Dumbledore replied, shaking the other man's hand. "I must say, it's rather a surprise to see you."

"Because we're so young and beautiful?" Godric struck a pose.

Theo rolled her eyes. "No, because you're dead. Dumbass."

"That was cold. Really."

"So, getting back to this Earth-shattering prophecy," Isaviel said, emphasizing every word so that everyone's attention would get back to the topic at hand. "Thank you. Now. You two can get back into the locket now."

"Oh, charming," Slytherin muttered. "You called us out for what?"

"To prove that you exist, of course."

The Slytherin founder sighed. "Fine, fine. Just make it an actual emergency next time you call us."

"Why? Might we catch you in the shower?"

"Only if you're lucky, girls," Godric quipped, winking.

"Get back in the locket, dammit."

When the lockets were opened again it was like the process from earlier, except in reverse, with their bodies slowly turning into shards of light that were sucked back into the locket. The girls put the necklaces back under their robes. After a moment, Dumbledore chuckled a little. "So, the prophecy?"

"Ah, yes." Isa took some parchment out of her pocket and handed it to the headmaster.

He glanced at the over the top of the parchment. "'An evil dude will come to the school to blow up the world'?"

"Oh, wrong one, next piece."

"Ah yes. I see." Once he'd read it he gave a thoughtful murmur.

"Do you know what it means, sir?"

"I assume we are to take this at face value. We have three months before the coming of this 'Kingdom of Beasts'."

"But what are we to do until then?"

The headmaster turned and walked over to Fawkes' perch, where the magnificent bird had been sat all along, watching the scene but never really making a sound. He stroked the phoenix's head, gently, though he had a grim smile on his face. "Get yourselves prepared."

**III.**

Once the meeting had finished the girls left the office in slightly morose moods. Isa had suggested they go find Sethoz and Deazy to share what had happened - although it wasn't really that much to report - but Theo had stopped her.

"Nuh-uh. You're going to find Sev."

"I... I am?"

"Yes you are." Theo crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't you think I don't know that you've been stressing over your fight. Because I know."

"I think the prophecy is more-"

Theo clamped her hand over Isa's mouth to muffled protests. "We have three months, after which time one of us will definitely be dying. Just go, before I kick you."

So Isa had relented and left Theo to go to the library and update the girls whilst she had gone on a school-wide trek to find Severus. She had started at the most logical place, which was the Slytherin common room, where she had found Bella, but no Severus. Assuming he wasn't hiding in his room this was good news because it meant he wasn't with the loathsome bint. Next port of call was the library, where she saw the girls, but no Severus. For no reason she had then wandered by the Quidditch pitch where the Ravenclaw team were practising but again, there was a distinct lack of Severus.

Just as she was about to give up and head back to the library she spotted someone by a tree near the lake. As she got closer she realised that it was Severus, who was so engrossed in his book he didn't notice her approaching.

Isa hesitated. As much as she wanted to apologise or make up or whatever, she didn't want to encroach on his space if he was still wanting to stay away from her. She chewed on her lip for a while before deciding to suck it up and take the plunge. The worst that could happen was that he'd bitch her out and they'd part company again. Obviously she didn't really want that to happen though.

When she was just a few yards to his left he glanced up from his book. She stopped, finding that everything she'd been planning to say to him had leaked out of her ears. So instead of speaking she smiled. For a heart-stopping moment she thought he was going to ignore her, but he set his book down and scooted over a little, making room for her.

Neither said a word for a while, but Isa was just happy sitting beside him, feeling the warmth from his arm as it touched hers. When a sharp breeze blew past them she gave a little shiver, at which Severus wrapped his scarf around her, pulling them closer together. He was the first to break the silence.

"Sorry."

"What for?"

"For the way I treated you before." He shrugged. "It was childish."

Isa sighed. "If something I say or do bugs you, you've got to tell me what it is. Straight to the point." She gave a shrewd grin. "As awesome as I am, I'm _not_ a mind-reader."

Severus looked a little sheepish now. "I know."

"So what was bugging you?"

"I..." He hesitated. "I'll tell you tomorrow."

"Sev-"

"I know, I know. I just... not now. I'd rather just enjoy now, with you."

Isa blinked, then felt her cheeks burning as she started to blush. Maybe they could ignore the drama and angst for a moment and just, as he said, enjoy the moment. As Theo said, it's good to enjoy things like this as best you can given the enormity of the events that were sure to follow. Pushing thoughts of the prophecy to the back of her mind, she rested her head on his shoulder. "I can live with that."

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**D'aww, ain't that sweet? XDDD**

**As ever, reviews are adored. :3 **


	23. Ropes, They Are Effective

**A/N:** lol, 5 months. D: SORRY. I'll try not to fail so much from now on, I promise! I'm... not entirely sure what I was on for the end of this chapter and the whole of the next, but like, just go with it. XD

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts. The various movies referenced in the following chapters do not belong to me either (see a pattern here?).

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts  
****Chapter Twenty-Three: Ropes - They Are Effective. **

**I.**

For the next month or so, the girls were so busy with schoolwork that there was no real chance for them to even think about the impending prophecy, let alone actually do something in preparation for it. As important as education was to Isa, the fate of the world may be a little more pressing so she was all for Theo's idea of just blagging their way through and hoping they were let off when they managed to save the Wizarding World from this great evil, but Sethoz would have none of it. Like the typical Ravenclaw that she is, she seemed insulted at the mere idea of not putting their all into exams. Even Deazy seemed raring to go, although Isa sometimes wondered if she even knew what the conversation was about.

Strangely enough, even though she's actually from the future and doing exams would be pointless for her, she wanted to try them out anyway, some sort of experiment to see if exams really had become easier for students in modern times. Either way, the girls made the decision that since it was only a month out of the three that they had before the beginning of the prophecy they could afford to focus on their education for a while.

Most of the time their timetables had them scheduled in different lessons at different times, but even when they did get to see each other the work required such a level of concentration that taking the time to catch up just wasn't an option for any of them.

After nearly a month and a half of solid schoolwork hell was over, the girls were finally able to meet up, and now that summer was just around the corner and the weather began to warm up, sitting in the courtyard became a more pleasurable experience for them as they sat around and nattered and sometimes snuck some food out to eat there under the hot afternoon sun. It was during one of their picnics that Theoli commented on the apparent absence of the boys. They knew Lily was very busy, having been invited onto some student committee that they were creating, but there was serious doubt about whether James or Sirius would volunteer for such a thing.

In retrospect, the Whomping Willow should probably have been the first place that they looked, but the infirmary had been a pretty good bet too. Either way, they had found the four Gryffindor boys with Severus, in a secluded spot of grass not far from the Willow and very close to the forest. Isa was curious to know what they were doing and, hoping that they weren't doing anything untoward, she began to make her way over to them when Theo collared her and the four girls dived into nearby shrubbery.

Isa picked the foliage out of her hair before giving Theo a swift glare. "What did you drag us in here for?"

"Shh!" She peeked over the top of the bush she was hiding behind. "We need to find out what they're doing."

"That's what-" In response to the mad hand gestures she got from the other girls she lowered her voice before continuing, "that's what I was _going_ to do."

"Oh, come on, Isa," Sethoz said, eyebrow raised. "You think that they'd just... tell you? What if it's something to do with us?"

"I know I wouldn't tell you if I was plotting something against you," Deazy agreed.

After a short, awkward silence, Theo went on. "See, if we find out what they're doing, then we confront them and they lie, we know they're lying and we can call them out on it!" She posed. "Flawless victory."

Isa rolled her eyes. "Fine, we'll go with your devious masterplan."

They had to sit in the prickly shrubbery for nearly half an hour before anything actually happened, and Isa was on the verge of giving up and just going over to the boys when Theo grabbed her arm and hissed, "look!"

Remus and Peter were apparently standing guard, looking out for people approaching this dangerous little stomping ground of theirs, while James was talking to Severus and Sirius. Unfortunately the girls were too far away to hear what they were saying, but the general gist of the conversation became apparent when Sirius began to change into his Animagus form, much to the girls' surprise. Before there was any chance for further reaction Severus also began to chance, his form jerking and shifting in the most unnatural way as he, too, became an animal; a large, black wolf with gleaming amber eyes.

Theo blinked. "Wow. I didn't expect that. I thought he'd be like... a snake or a gecko something Slytherin-like."

"A gecko? Slytherin-like?"

"Sure, it's like, a cold-blooded thingermajig, right?"

"Well, wolves are seen as loners, right? But then they're loyal, fierce and protective. It doesn't seem that much of a stretch for him to be a wolf, really. Still, I'm surprised Sirius is taking it as well as he is, considering Snape's kind of like a bigger, cooler version of him now," Sethoz remarked, her surprise showing in her voice.

"Unless he _was_ annoyed but he just got over it after a while," Deazy added, almost like an afterthought.

"_That_ was what he couldn't talk to me about?" Hissed Isa, staring at the wolf and the dog for the last moment before they changed back into their normal forms. The pieces of the puzzle were slowly falling into place in Isa's mind and she was irritated about it to say the least. "This was why he was being such a nightmare?"

Theo shrugged. "I guess it's a dude thing."

Isa still looked bewildered. "I can't believe it."

"Well, to be fair, he was the only one who knew about us being Animagi but wasn't one himself, so in hindsight it's not that surprising," Sethoz said, patting Isa on the shoulder.

She pouted in reply. "I guess. He could have said, though."

"Another dude thing, I think. Showing weakness and all that."

"Bah, I says. Bah."

"Stop sulking, Fish," Theo said, unable to stop from smirking a little. "At least you know now."

"Oh," Deazy chirped, "speaking of knowing."

The girls glanced over the bushes at the boys, who were now looking directly back at them with blank, yet mildly surprised expressions. Looks like they've _all_ been rumbled.

**II.**

It took a surprisingly long time to pick out all the twigs from one's hair after one dives head-first into nearby bushes, as the girls found out when they left their hiding places to talk to the guys. At least it was easy to spot the twigs in Isa's hair with the contrast between the dark twigs and shock-white colour of her lovely locks which she had added some pink streaks to - going totally pink, as Theo rightly pointed out, would only make her look like she had a huge wad of candyfloss on her head.

"We've been training him each day, after he'd helped us with any work we needed help on," James said, motioning towards Severus. "As good as we are with our classes, he's better at potions and we needed his help."

Theo couldn't believe what she was hearing. "So you struck a deal?" They nodded.

"Seemed easy enough; he wanted to see if he could be an Animagus," Remus added, "and since we could come to an understanding it seemed stupid not to just go with it. Admittedly I didn't think he'd be able to do it quite this quickly after starting 'training'."

"Clearly that just reflects upon how awesome we are as teachers," Sirius gloated, looking pleased as punch.

Theo rolled her eyes and ignored him. "So we now have three wolves in our little troupe?"

"Well, two wolves and one werewolf," Deazy corrected.

Remus smiled. "Pretty much, yeah."

"Encroach on my territory, why don't you?" Sirius sulked.

Sethoz snickered and turned to the girls. "Told you so."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing at all. So," she turned to Severus in an effort to change the subject swiftly, "you're a wolf now, eh?"

"Apparently so," he replied, uncomfortable at the sudden shift in attention. "Admittedly I wasn't expecting that."

"Neither were we," Deazy nodded. "You don't seem like a wolf person. Maybe a cat person or like, a Leopleurodon person, but not a wolf person."

There was a long silence as everyone stopped and stared at Deazy, unsure about how they should react to such a comment... more to the point, most of them didn't know what a Leopleurodon actually was. Naturally Sethoz did, but she just snickered quietly to herself, not sharing the joke.

Theo cleared her throat. "So I guess that means all of us are Animagus homies, right?"

"All except Lily," Remus added," yes."

"But what Lily doesn't know, she can't berate me about," James said, winking. "I can only imagine how angry she'd be at us all, what with the whole 'breaking the magical law' shtick."

"Eh," Theo gave a dismissive flick of the wrist. "She'd get over it, I'm sure." She gave a thoughtful murmur. "Unless she doesn't. In which case, it sucks to be you."

"Thank you for that vote of confidence, Theo. Seriously."

"Anytime, baby. Anytime."

Sethoz nudged Isa lightly, leaning over to whisper in her ear; "are we going to tell them?"

"About the you-know-what?" When Sethoz nodded in reply to her question she sighed. "I suppose we should, so they're prepared at least. But we still have a month, maybe we can wait until we find some more information about this 'Kingdom of Beasts?"

"I suppose you have a point. Alright, we won't tell them yet."

"Tell us what?"

Isa and Sethoz glanced to the group who had apparently been listening to the last part of their conversation, at least. She hadn't intended to tell them yet, whatever Sethoz had said, so she hadn't really though about how they could get their story across without sounding absolutely bonkers. She sighed, glancing at Theo and Deazy, who shrugged and nodded respectively, before turning to the boys.

"You might find this hard to believe, but we're in a little bit of bother..."

**III.**

It was a good few hours since they had shared their story right from the very beginning, of the lockets (or what little they remembered of how they got them), of how the four girls seemed to be drawn together, of how they met the four founders and of the prophecy. As Isa regaled their recent adventures, getting help from the girls adding their own little snippets every so often, the boys remained silent. Isa wasn't sure how they would react when she was finished, and hoped that they would believe them.

As it happens, it seemed as if it would take a while for the information to sink in, so the group dispersed after the boys gave their word that they would not tell a soul about what they had just heard. Severus seemed to come around the quickest, offering to help them in any way that he could, although Isa could hear the faint undertones of disbelieving in his voice.

It wasn't surprising, she knew that if she was in his position she'd probably be the same. That, however, cannot stop them from doing what they needed to do and right now that was study. So it was that the girls found themselves in a practically empty library, ransacking the shelves for any books that even mention the phrase 'Kingdom of Beasts'.

"We've looked through practically _every _book here; there's nothing. Nothing!" Theo gave an unimpressed grunt before throwing the book onto the table, earning a stern look from Sethoz.

"There has to be something," she said, flipping through the book in her own hands. "The founders wouldn't make a prophecy involving the Kingdom of Beasts without making mention of it somewhere."

Isa pursed her lips but said nothing. She had been feeling dubious about looking in the regular section of the library anyway, but giving it a go couldn't have hurt, could it? Well, yes it could, since they'd just wasted about 2 hours reading books that had nothing to do with what they were looking for. As she watched Deazy hurry back to the table to take another armful of books back to the shelf she caught sight of the restricted section. Her heart lurched. That was where the book was; she had no idea how she knew, she just did.

She crept to the front of the library to see if the librarian was close by, but to her surprise found that they were totally unsupervised. Not one to let an opportunity like this pass her by she returned to the group.

"No slacking off, amigo," Theo said, holding a book out for Isa to take.

"It's not in there."

"Have we read this one?"

"No, it's not in any of these books," Isa said, then motioned towards the restricted area. "That's where we'll find the books we want."

The four of them approached, stopping at the rope that cut them off from the darkened area of the library. For a moment Isa was sure that she could hear snoring, but put the thought out of her mind.

Sethoz sighed. "We'd better get a note."

"A note." Theo stared at her as if she was crazy. "A note."

"We can't go in without one."

"Dude, the restricted area is cordoned off by a rope." She unhooked it from the latch on the wall. "OOH. EFFECTIVE." She started to make her way in but Sethoz grabbed the back of her robes.

"I don't think you should go in without a note."

"I don't need a note," she said, brandishing her gold locket. "I have a motherfucking prophecy! Lumos."

Before anybody else could argue she had gone in with her lit wand and disappeared among the shelves. None of them moved, not really wanting to break any rules however much the fate of the world depended on it but still worried about what would happen to Theo among the books that were kept away from the student body for a reason.

Sethoz leaned into the doorway before whispering, "Theo?" She was greeted by a wall of silence. Sethoz cleared her throat before raising her voice. "Theo? Are you okay?"

After another moment of silence, Isa sighed. "You guys stay here. Knowing Theo she's probably opened a portal to the underworld or something, so just... wait here. If we're not out in an hour, call Dumbledore."

Sethoz and Deazy nodded, and, after taking a deep breath to try and steady her nerves, Isa ventured into the darkness, whispering the spell to light her wand to guide her way around the narrow aisles. When she reached the end shelf and peeked around the corner she almost groaned, and it took all of her energy to stop her from doing so. There, in the far corner, was a shining blue portal, casting off a strong light that seemed to irritate the books on the shelf.

Isa sighed. "Theo, what have you done?"

She had to make a decision; go after her, or go back and risk having the portal close before she could get help. It was a simple enough choice, they were homies, after all.

Isa held her breath and jumped in.


	24. The Power Of Christ Compels You

**A/N:** Another long break between updates, oops. So since I finished the PotC one I've been hankering to get this moving again too, especially after watching Order Of The Phoenix (like, ten trillion times). So yes, I shall be working on this a whole lot more over the following weeks!

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts**  
**Chapter Twenty-Four: The Power of Christ Compels You. **

**I.**

The first thing Isa noticed as consciousness slowly returned to her was the smell; wherever they were it smelt old, and dank, like the windows hadn't been opened for years to circulate some fresh air around the place. Quite honestly it made her think of old people and for one ridiculous moment she wondered if they'd fallen into an old people's home. The _second_ thing that she noticed was the pain that shot across her forehead, and when she instinctively raised her hand to her head she felt a cut. It wasn't too deep, but enough for blood to be dripping from the wound down to the floor.

She groggily pushed herself into a more upright position to glance around at her surroundings. She was apparently at the end of a long, thin dining room with plates and cups on cabinets that stretched along both walls, overlooking a reasonably sized dining table. She tried to see a little further, but Isa's vision was too blurred to be sure. Grimacing as she rubbed her eyes, she reached over to Theo, who was unconscious an arm's length from her, and shook her lightly to try and wake her up, which eventually she did.

She groaned. "Where are we?"

"I don't know," Isa replied, keeping her voice low until they knew where they were, "what the hell did you do to open the portal?"

"Well, there was this incantation thing, and I read it out loud... I probably shouldn't have done that..."

"No, no you probably shouldn't." Isa shouldn't be irritated, really, since they were both still very much alive. Besides, being angry wasn't going to help them get to the bottom of the mystery now, was it? She glanced around a little more as the girls got to their feet. "So we're in someone's house."

"Looks like it," Theo nodded. "Maybe we just got sent to an ordinary house."

"Let's hope that's all that happened, I do not want to be running away from the guy with a pyramid on his head again." She shivered at the memory, then turned and wandered over to a nearby window, grimacing again at her reflection, showing that the cut on her head was now dribbling down the side of her face. Just as she took a tissue from her pocket to wipe it off Theo gave a loud yelp, shocking her so badly she nearly tripped and smacked the other side of her head. She span round to yell at her to keep quiet or they'd be caught, only to find that they had already been caught; at the other end of the room was a tall, dark-clothed figure. She couldn't see anything clearly because her vision was still a little dodgy, but she could tell it was a man.

"Isa! Save me!" Theo shrieked, "it's TEH DEBIL!"

Isa could do nothing but stare at her friend in disbelief, wondering what the hell she was doing. She just sighed and began to pinch the skin between her eyes as she waited for her ever improving vision to return to full strength so she could actually see 'teh debil'. Theo, however, continued shouting to the figure who didn't move.

"No wait, Isa, I know what to do!" She held her index fingers together in a cross shape and flailed her arms at the man. "BACK SATAN! BACK I SAY! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"

"Theo-"

She held her hand up, palm out. "Stand back, Isa! I saw this shit on The Exorcist!" Then, continuing with her finger-cross, she took tentative steps forward. "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me!"

Isa resisted the urge to slam her head against the wall and followed closely behind, nearly bumping into Theo when she stopped. At least she was now close enough to see the man's face somewhat clearly... strangely enough he seemed familiar, not in a 'gosh he looks like someone I know' familiar but an 'I've totally met him before somewhere' familiar. It was on the edge of her mind when someone else - equally as familiar - appeared behind the first man. When he spoke, after drawing his wand and pointing it at the girls, he did so with more than a hint of amusement in his voice, "as much as I want to agree with you about Snape being the source of all jackassery, who are you and what are you doing here?"

The penny dropped.

"Sirius? _Severus_?"

The men blinked and did a double-take. Isa, on the other hand, could feel her irritation rising and knew that her anger was probably evident in her face. She smacked Theo over the back of the head, silencing her with a glare when she began to protest and pointing to the two adults who still seemed to be shell-shocked.

"You've sent us to the bloody future, you mong!"

"The..." She looked at adult Sirius and adult Severus. "Wait, the future? Oh wow, how did I do that? That is so cool-" She caught sight of Isa's face and then knew the fear of God. "I mean... not cool. Not cool at all, but how did-"

"The book, you tool!" Isa turned her back to the three and resisted the urge to go Rambo on any of them. Things will be fine if they just say the counter charm or whatever to open the portal that went the other way.

"Um, Isa?"

She froze, then after a beat she turned slowly and deliberately, knowing that whatever was coming next was not going to be something she wanted to hear.

"The book, I... I think I dropped it somewhere that's, you know... not here."

There was a long silence during which nobody even moved. Isa's eye started to twitch; they didn't have the book with the spell to get home to the past, they were _stuck_ in the _future_. Today was apparently really not their day. Isa turned and smacked her head on the wall in the hopes of either knocking herself unconscious or waking up from what was quite obviously a NIGHTMARE.

Well, she achieved one of the two, at least.

**II.**

When Isa woke up again, this time it was in a comfortable bed with a canopy of dark, velvet curtains which were tied back to the posts nearest the wall. The cut on the site of her head was covered by a bandage that also covered another painful cut on her forehead that she'd obtained during her 'episode' and she now, perhaps unsurprisingly, had a throbbing headache. She was still in her school uniform, but her robe had been hung on a nearby chair, beside a small pile of clean clothes. Isa crawled out from under the covers, got out of the bed and padded over, where she saw a note which read 'wear these'. After checking the clothing thoroughly - though for what she wasn't sure, it wasn't like there was going to be some poison needle hidden in them somewhere, was it? - she got changed into a little summer dress and a pair of jeans, with a cute pair of flat black shoes. She grabbed the coat that she found hung on the back of the chair underneath her robes and out it on before venturing out into the cold hallway.

As she walked slowly past the doors to other rooms she could hear muted voices, talking in hushed voices as if they knew someone was outside listening. She continued walking, not really listening to any one conversation because she didn't recognise any voices, walking further and further until she got to a narrow staircase which she descended, staring with morbid fascination at the weird objects and plaques that lined the dark walls. She was still staring when a sudden voice behind her made her jump, and nearly fall down the stairs.

"You're awake." She turned to see Sirius at the foot of the stairs. "How're you feeling?"

"I've been better," she admitted, still aware of the dull aching of her head. "I guess I lost it."

He smirked. "Not really surprising given the current situation."

There was a short silence as Isa gathered the courage to ask the question that remained on her mind. "You're really..."

"Me? Yeah," he gave a soft chuckle, "didn't turn out too shabby, did I?"

She rolled her eyes, though she couldn't help but smile, strangely relieved that he was still the same old Sirius even in the future. But back to the matter at hand; "Where are we?" She looked around again, at the strange wall decorations and dark, dank walls. "The décor's a bit... ' dungeon-y, isn't it?"

"Yeah, well, my family were always fans of the more suspect side of magic."

"Your- Dude, this is _your_ house?"

"Funny, Theo said the exact same thing." He narrowed his eyes. "Why is it such a surprise?"

"Well you could have redone the place or something, I don't know," she muttered, suddenly flustered, "this isn't exactly 'you', if you get my meaning." She pointed at the shrunken elf-head plaques on the wall with a grossed out look on her face.

Sirius smiled. "Things have changed a little since the time you came from, we've not really had the chance to think about redecoration." He didn't elaborate when she shot him a curious glance, but instead beckoned for her to follow him as he walked through a nearby door where Isa could hear a couple of familiar voices, one of which belonged to Theo.

"Hey, Fish!" Theo got up from her seat and bounded over. "You okay?"

"Eh, I'll live," she replied with a slight grin, then, pointing to her bandage, "this is keeping my brains inside, so I'm safe."

"You totally know Sirius and Severus, but that over there," Theo pointed to a bedraggled looking man sat in the far corner, "is Remmie!" She grabbed Isa's sleeve and shook her arm. "Isa, we're really in the future, oh my gawd."

"Yeah, I gathered." She and Theo both sat down, with the latter still clinging to the former's sleeve. At least they hadn't opened a portal to the underworld or something where they had no chance of surviving let alone getting back to their own time.

"Oh," She gasped, as if struck by a sudden thought, "does this mean that like, we'll meet ourselves? Where are we?" Theo looked around the room. "Or they, whatever."

Sirius and Remus exchanged glances but stayed silent, apparently leaving Severus to do the explaining. "You two disappeared 20 years ago."

"Say what?"

"You just disappeared," he repeated. "We never really got a full account of what happened but according to Sethoz-"

"We went into the library's restricted section and didn't come out?"

He nodded. "There was a huge thing about finding you, but since nobody knew what exactly had happened there was no way for anybody to try and get you back. It's obvious now that you just sent yourselves to the future somehow but back then we had no idea what happened to you."

That much was obvious, but what was deeply worrying for Isa was that they _never returned_. Fair enough if the girls had been sent to the future, but surely they'd find a way to get back to the point at which they vanished so it was like they'd never been away, but there was no trace of them for twenty years. She frowned, wondering why that was, and whether that meant that they had no way of getting back to the past.

"Well, all we have to do is go to Hogwarts and find the book I picked up, right?" Theo looked around the room, expecting some sort of agreement and getting only grim looks in return. "Was it something I said?"

"Things have changed since you disappeared," Remus began, looking and sounding as if he was choosing his words carefully. "Actually it began not very long after you vanished..."

Everybody seemed reluctant to talk about it, and while Isa had a feeling she knew why, Theo pressed them. "What? What happened?"

"The world was taken over by a dark force," Sirius said, looking the grimmest he had ever been, "a dark force the likes of which we've never encountered before, so powerful that nobody was able to stop them before it was too late. Not long after Hogwarts had been taken then the ministry fell, having been infiltrated by spies who worked from the inside to bring them down and make way for the new 'government'. Their next target was the muggle populace..."

"So Hogwarts is closed?"

"Not just closed, it's their headquarters.

Theo looked from person to person, growing ever more worried at the ashen looks on each of their faces; clearly some serious shit has gone down. Isa remained silent and grim-faced, and when her eyes met Severus' she nodded slightly to let him know to continue where Sirius left off.

"Magic, _good_ magic was made illegal," he said, hands clasped tightly together, "and anybody not under the employment of the Power who was caught practising magic would be punished severely. Dumbledore created the Order of the Phoenix to try and combat them, but there's no way we can fight back against them. Not even the most powerful wizards, both light and dark, could topple them, and the war just cost more innocent lives. James, Lily, Arthur, the Longbottoms..."

"What about Thoz? And Deazy?" The colour drained from Theo's face at their silence. "They're not..."

"Sorry, Theo," Sirius said, softly. "They were among the first to go against them but on their own... They didn't stand a chance against the Power."

"The 'Power'?"

Remus nodded. "It's what they call themselves, and quite honestly, it's an accurate depiction."

"And this Power appeared after we disappeared?"

"Within a month, I'd say, probably less considering one of our professors was the catalyst that started this entire mess," Sirius said, frowning at the memory.

Theo turned to Isa. "Who could it have been? I don't remember any professor who could have been capable of something so hardcore." Isa said nothing, turning her head to look at her friend, glancing down at the gold chain around her neck, watching as the realisation of the truth began to sink in bit by bit. "Y-you mean," she stammered, "you mean because we... we're the... this, this is the prophecy?"

"Prophecy?"

"The one we told you about on the day we disappeared," Isa muttered; all of this new information was doing nothing but making her headache worse. "Obviously we were meant to fulfil the prophecy, stop any of this from happening."

Remus blinked. "So this all happened because you came here?"

"Seems so."

"But then why didn't we go back to the past? Why did we just disappear? We didn't die, did we? Shit, Isa, we can't die in the future."

Uh oh. Theo was panicking, she always rambled when she panicked. "Chill pill, Theo. I don't know why we didn't go back, all I can assume is that this is all some dimensional shiz that would make our heads implode and their version of our younger selves messed up whilst trying to get home."

"Bzuh?"

"Exactly, all we need to focus on right now is trying to get ourselves back to where we're supposed to be." She looked at the three men, who were exchanging bewildered looks between them. "If we can get back, we might be able to stop this from happening."

"Right, focus on the immediate," Theo said to herself, repeating it a few times like a mantra. "But how are we going to get back?"

"Well, the spell you used was in a book at school, right? All we need to do is get a copy of said book and see if there's some sort of counter spell. This might be where the other you and me made a mistake, we got ourselves in trouble trying to get the spell. Also," she added, glancing at the guys, "we may be needing your help."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "To do what, exactly?"

Isa looked at Theo, Theo looked back, they both looked at Severus. "To break into Hogwarts."


	25. The Ferocious Forest

**A/N:** OH SNAP it's been like, 9/10 months since my last update and I really doubt that people are still waiting for this to be, y'know, updated. Still I decided to update it for fun, really; I recently watched OotP and it inspired me! XD Basically, RL stuff stopped me coming online for a while and now I'm actually setting up my own business which has me pretty occupied. HOWEVER, I return with a new chapter and some new ideas about which direction this fic is going to go in. My writing style may seem different since I haven't really been writing much during the months since the last chapter. Butyes, if you're still reading this fic, thank you for sticking around. :)

Also, to the random reviewer who asked the following:

_- Are Theoli and Isaviel your creations or Rusty Nail's? -_

In short, they are both of our creations - Isaviel is mine and Theoli is hers: they're sort of self-insert characters so they're basically _us_ but we created them together and discuss their behaviours together. We just borrow the other to put into fics. XD The fics themselves are written by the respective author though, obvs. Hope that answers your question. ;D

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

* * *

**So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts****  
Chapter Twenty-Five: The Ferocious Forest. **

**I.**

So it was that the two girls and three men found themselves at the very edge of Hogwarts territory at the boundary where it became unsafe (and rather stupid) to wander around without some serious firepower behind you. On the way to their current location the men had tried to talk the girls out of their plan, but when they were asked for an alternative way to get them back to their own time and thus preventing the prophecy from turning the world to shit they had only silence to offer. The plan was ridiculous, yes, and it was insanely dangerous, yes, but the girls knew this, they just didn't have any other choice.

This being an incredibly serious matter didn't stop the girls from having their fun, though, evident in the fact that they were now dressed in black tank-tops and camouflage trousers tucked into heavy duty black lace-up boots, with small camouflage neckerchiefs tied around their necks. They'd smeared dark camouflage paint haphazardly across their faces like they'd seen people in movies do, although clearly the girls did it with flare, drawing smiley faces on their cheeks. To finish their outfit off they had tied crimson bandannas around their foreheads a la Rambo, tying it so that the knot was on the side of their heads, letting the 'tail' of the bandanna trail across their shoulder. Of course, no infiltration would be complete without their binoculars and night-vision goggles. They looked badass, and they knew it.

Unfortunately the rest of their group wasn't on the same wavelength, and Sirius was the first to voice his opinion on the matter as the girls crouched low, assessing the area for cover and the best route to take towards the castle.

"I still don't understand why you put all that crap on your faces."

Theo sighed, "Sirius, you can't expect to infiltrate such a heavily fortified base camp for evil without the appropriate attire." She shot him a look of disappointment, leaving the poor man feeling strangely ashamed of himself although he wasn't entirely sure why he felt that way.

"I'd love to know where you got the camouflage gear from," Remus chuckled, seeming jovial enough despite the enormity of the situation that faced them, perhaps _because_ of the seriousness of the situation that faced them.

Without hesitation, Theo winked and replied, "magic," and then returned to her scouting, leaving Remus still chuckling to himself.

Isa was focused entirely on the task at hand, knowing that this would be the most dangerous thing they had ever done in their lives. That said, she didn't think it would be as hard as the guys (it was very strange calling them that when they were now more than twice the girls' ages) made it out to be, since nobody had actually tried entering the castle for the past 7 years at least. Oh sure, there were rumours of the disappearances of nameless people that nobody seemed to know directly, but never any evidence to support the fact, and Isa just hoped that this meant things may go smoothly for them, y'know, the whole 'element of surprise' thing.

Then Isa moved onto a new train of thought, the guys. While they were easily recognisable as the Sirius, Severus and Remus that the girls knew they seemed like, well, paler versions of their younger selves: all three were very thin and tired looking, as if they hadn't had a decent amount of sleep in far too long - Remus in particular looked much the worse for wear, though Isa had a sneaking suspicion his lycanthropy was the contributing factor to that - and they just had a look of defeat about them. They'd lost that 'sparkle' in their eyes that allowed them to believe that they could rule the world and then some, and seeing that was quite distressing, though in a strange way it spurred Isa on, making her more determined than ever to succeed so that they can prevent this from ever happening.

A nudge from Theo snapped her out of her thoughts. "Here."

Isa looked down at the object in her friend's hand. A hand-held mirror, small enough to fit into a pocket. "Err, I don't think we'll have the time to check our make-up, Theo."

She scoffed. "That's not what this is for, silly. Have you never seen the movies where the badass hero looks behind him or around corners and shit with a mirror? _That's_ what this is for." She took another from her pocket and grinned. "I have a matching one!"

"Good idea," Isa replied, not really surprised at her friend's occasional moments of utter genius. The moments seemed to come and go a lot. "Thanks." She put the mirror in her pocket.

"So," Theo said as she put her own mirror back in her pocket. "Got a plan?"

"Yeah, a few, all of which involve us walking through this forest."

Everybody turned to look in the direction in which Isa was pointing, and their gaze was met by the looming darkness of the Forbidden Forest which had seemingly not only expanded since the girls' time but had grown equally in unpleasantness, which was a feat in itself given the fact that it wasn't exactly akin to a walk in the park to begin with. Isa was almost sure that she heard an audible gulp from them all before they turned back to her.

"...why can't we just take that road over there?" Theo was whimpering, clearly not fond of the plan.

Isa shook her head. "Gargoyles."

"What?"

"There are stone gargoyles along the path at various intervals," she went on, handing the binoculars to Theo so she could look for herself. "Obviously I don't know what exactly they'll do to us, if anything, but given what you guys have told us about the ones who took the castle I'd wager that it's nothing good. At best they'll just alert someone at the castle, at worst-"

"They might shoot their PEWPEWLAZORS at us!"

"...yes, Theo." Isa rolled her eyes, though she was grinning. "So yeah, unless you know anything about those specific gargoyles-"

"With their pewpewlazors," Theo interjected, nodding sagely.

"-then I suggest we go that way."

As unpopular as Isa's plan was, it was obviously the only way they could possibly get to the castle without being seen by someone that they were sure would be on the wrong side. Granted, the beasties in the forest wouldn't exactly be their best friends but they could fight beasties and still avoid being detected, with any disturbances being dismissed as a fight between the various creatures fighting for territory.

Of course, this meant that they would need to use some serious magic to make it through alive. Isa frowned deeply, furrowing her brow as she thought of the weight of the task that lay before them; it was a terrible habit of hers to over think a situation, wanting to explore every avenue and possibility before they had even set off even though with a situation like this it was near on impossible to predict anything that might happen.

Feeling a headache coming on, she pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind as she stepped towards the nearest tree, electing to try and stay sharp so that any nasty surprises wouldn't be so surprising. After stepping beside her Theo took a deep breath, as if steeling her resolve.

Isa glanced at the three men behind them who, whilst looking tired and bedraggled seemed to have regained some of that spark at the prospect of a daring adventure - she could only wonder how long ago their last brave foray into the unknown had been.

"You guys ready?"

There was a murmured response from the group and, reluctantly, they slowly made their way into the woods towards the castle in the far distance.

If the forest was scary before it was pant-wettingly _terrifying_ now, and the most terrifying thing about the forest was the silence; it was so quiet that the smallest sound seemed to be magnified tenfold even if it was just someone stepping on a twig. They walked in silence, wanting to remain as conspicuous as it was possible to be, and honestly, nobody could think of anything remotely unlame to say in such a situation. There was no breeze to rustle the leaves above them, and as they continued further what little light that they had was unable to penetrate as far, plunging the group into a deep, pitch blackness. Luckily they had their wands to light the way but it would probably attract some unwanted attention from anything that may be lurking silently around them.

Isa shivered a little, hating the feeling of being there, wanting to be back where they belonged. They were crazy to think of this, how did they think they'd be able to get into the castle? Did they even know which way they were walking in? They're probably going to be stuck in the forest forever without ever finding a way out. She shook her head, trying to force such thoughts out. _At least we're... together... ? _Then she suddenly stopped in her tracks and, slowly, she turned to glance around her, but was only met with the sight of tall, looming trees all around her... No company. For a moment Isa was frozen to the spot, staring at the empty darkness in disbelief; she was _alone_? _How_? They were here!

"Guys?" She looked around some more, wondering if they were playing a trick on her. "Guys? Theo? ...but, they were here," she whispered to herself, voice wavering. "They were _here_!"

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and knelt down. _Okay, Isa, calm down, this is probably just some hex on the forest. I'm sure everyone is going to try and get out so we can meet up when we do. It'll be fine,_ she nodded, though she was clearly doing a terrible job of convincing herself. After a moment of thought she steeled herself, coming to the conclusion that she would have to get out of this forest by herself whatever happened, so she might as well keep going.

Somehow knowing that she was totally alone made the forest even more horrifying than it was before. Isa was sure that she could hear noises now, and every few minutes had to stop to glance around, though naturally she couldn't see anything. As much as she tried to tell herself the noises were just a product of her overactive imagination something in her gut told her otherwise: the timing was too weird, she's suddenly alone and _now_ she hears noises, why not earlier when they were just as skittish and terrified? She quickened her walking pace a little, scared, but trying to force the feeling back by focusing on the sounds behind her... which, worryingly enough, seemed to be getting closer and closer every time she heard it. However, whenever she turned to face her stalker she was met with the same old view of the forest, devoid of any life other than her own. Clearly she wasn't going to know what was following her until it pounced, and by then it would be too late to do anything about it.

Isa frowned, watching the darkness intently for some sign of movement or _something_ to give away the position of whatever it was that was following her but after a moment she was forced to give up and, with a frustrated sigh, she turned to begin walking again when she heard a small _clink_ from her pocket. Then she remembered.

The mirror.

Giving thanks to Theo under her breath she reached for the small pocket mirror that her friend had given her at the edge of the forest. "The hero uses this to look behind him, eh?" She grinned, shrewdly, and with one last look over her shoulder began to walk. Sure enough, after a minute or so the noises behind her started again, though worryingly clear this time; she could now tell that mixed into the rustling was the sound of footsteps in the forest floor, so at least the thing had feet? Wow, Isa, that's just _great_.

With a shaking hand she held the mirror up so that she could see what was following her, hoping to God that it was something she could take on. At first all she could see was a moving shadow, so she strategically moved her wand so that some of the light would shine behind her, and very promptly wished she hadn't for there was a red-eyed monstrosity glowering hungrily at her back. A lion's body, but a human face with the most horrendous mouth that stretched from ear to ear, open in a hideous grin so that its three rows of teeth glinted in the low light from the wand. On its back were huge black wings, and they alone looked strong enough to bat her to one side. Isa recognised it from her textbooks; this was a manticore.

By now she was gripping her wand so tightly that her knuckles had gone white and she suspected that at that moment her face was also pretty devoid of any colour. The creature was still a few yards back from her but all it needed to do was jump and it would be well within reach... at the same time Isa realised that with the manticore's habit of hiding when she turned she would need to wait for it to be in mid-leap before she could launch a counter-offensive. With a deep gulp, she kept walking, keeping one eye on the manticore while trying not to run and provoke it into eating her head off.

Grimacing, she realised that this was probably some sort of test, and they had, in all probability, been separated so each could go through a similar 'task'. She just hoped that the others were safe and were able to deal with whatever they faced, if anything.

A painstakingly long 15 minutes later and Isa was presented with her golden opportunity; the manticore hunched low, ready to leap. She gripped her wand, ready to turn and fire as soon as its feet left the earth. If she missed this chance or mistimed this in any way, she was dead girl.

The next few seconds seemed to last a lifetime. When she saw it shift its weight and begin to push itself off the ground Isa half-turned, thrusting her arm so that her still-lit wand was pointed at her assailant before shouting, "Stupefy!" hoping to God that it would work. Apparently it did, and she didn't know whether the fear and adrenaline influenced this but it worked far better than she expected it to, sending the creature flying back that when it hit the nearest tree she heard the wood crack and splinter, letting out a loud, almost pained groan as it was bent out of shape. Thankfully it didn't fall completely, caught and held up by the trees around it, and the manticore was, for the moment at least, out for the count.

"Time to go," she whispered to herself before breaking into a run. She wasn't sure which direction she should be running in but as long as it was in a relatively straight direction she should come out of the forest at some point. She didn't stop running for anything, navigating over the uneven ground, up hills and around root masses, not even stopping when she stumbled after tripping over her feet. She'd scraped her hand on the bark of the tree she'd used to steady herself but she couldn't stop to rest, so she got back up and started running again.

Suddenly the quietness shattered and noise was all around her; howling, rustling, chattering, scraping. Clearly this would _not_ be the best of times to stop. Isa looked up and saw it getting light ahead and knew she was near the edge, so she pushed herself more than she ever had and just ran with her head down, ducking and shooting hexes every so often at things that tried to swipe at her from overhead.

Nearly there, nearly there, nearly there, nearly-

The light that bathed her when she broke through to the outside was such a relief that once she staggered a few steps she collapsed, chest heaving and breath raspy from her overexertion. "Holy... shit... never... doing that... again..." She laid there for a long time, trying to get her heart to beat at its normal rate again and not like the beat of a dance track, glancing at the forest to make sure nothing was coming after her, not sure if she'd be able to do anything if something did.

She pushed herself up on her elbows and glanced around; they were on school property, at least. Muttering a quick "nox," to turn off the light from her wand, she slowly pushed herself to her feet, albeit slightly unsteadily, and was just brushing the dirt from her knees when something tackled her to the ground.

"OHSHI-"

"ISAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"Wha- Theo?!"

Theo was sobbing so heartily that it was impossible to work out what she was saying so Isa just patted her on the head until she'd calmed down enough to let go. Thankfully nobody seemed to notice their presence on the property just yet so the girls looked for a safe hiding place before they started to talk of their experiences. On Theo's request Isa recounted her story, of suddenly finding herself alone and knowing that she was being followed, even though when she turned there was nothing there. Theo merely listened, uncharacteristically quietly, and only when Isa was finished did she chip in.

"Same thing happened to me," she said, grimly, wiping the mixture of blood and tears from her face with her sleeve, smearing her make-up in the process; she was covered in cuts and bruises and, quite honestly, looked like she'd gone ten rounds with Joe Calzaghe. "'Cept I got a _Chimera_... and a really, really mardy one at that." She grimaced at the memory, then, sighing, she began to recount the story of her own past hour.

**II. **

As badass as Theo liked people to think she was, there were some things that were beyond terrifying; being alone in the middle of the Forbidden Forest - which was scary enough on its own -when the school had been taken over and is now being used as a base camp by the bad guys was probably very, very close to top of the list. She knew there were rumours of werewolves and centaurs and even huge spiders in the forest but she hated to think what was in there now.

So she didn't.

It was another half hour walking before Theo saw any other sign of life, but unfortunately for her, this particular sign of life was huge, angry, and apparently very, very hungry. Before she could take the monstrous sight it pounced at her, and Theo barely dove out of the way before it landed, mere feet behind her. She grabbed her wand, which had fallen from her grasp in her bid to avoid getting jumped on, and scrambled to her feet, backing away from the creature.

"Fuck me, you're a huge bugger..." When she felt herself bump into a tree she scooted around behind it so that it was between her and the Chimera, which was watching her very intently with a hunger in its eyes. "You know, you're surprisingly agile for having a _goat's body_." At that moment the creature lashed out with its scaly tail, smashing the tree's trunk and leaving a huge indentation whilst sending Theo falling backwards and onto her butt again. "And you're really rather rude," she muttered, shuffling behind another tree and trying to throw hexes in retaliation, giving a frustrated grunt when they all either missed or didn't seem to bother it too much. She glowered at her wand. "Fat lot of help you are. Why can't I have a badass sword at times like this?"

As she was about to try some spells again the locket began to feel hot against her skin so she took it out of her shirt and laid it in the palm of her hand, watching with mild surprise as the precious stones started to glow.

There was another deafening crack as the tail smashed the tree that was right behind her, sending her careening forwards and onto her face. She pushed herself up off her face, wincing at the painful cuts on her face and on her arms from where she tried (somewhat unsuccessfully) to break her fall.

_Oh, it's on _now_, bitch._

The locket, now resting on the ground, suddenly emanated a blinding white light, and behind her Theo heard the shrill cry of shock from her aggressor, but she couldn't take her eyes off the locket; the light seemed so kind to her, almost comforting... She noticed that something seemed to be protruding from the large ruby in the center of the locket, almost like a golden handle or... a hilt? As soon as she was able to, she grabbed it and pulled, drawing a glittering sword, encrusted with more of the same stones from the locket.

_FUCK YES. _

With the sword in one hand and wand in the other she got back on her feet in time to see the Chimera shake its head and get its own bearings back. Seeing the its victim was now armed it gave a loud roar, rearing backwards before turning and attacking her once again with its tail. Gritting her teeth she took the sword and span to get some momentum, thrusting her arm out for her sword to meet the tail and hoping that it would protect her. There was a loud _FOOM_ as the two made contact and the sword had burst into flame, effectively blowing a chunk right out of the scaly whip, leaving about half of it just hanging by unscathed strings of flesh. A thunderous scream of pain echoed around her as the Chimera reared back again, this time to try and escape the flames which still licked at its tail, and then ran off into the deep forest.

Theo stared after the creature, then down at her sword. "Holy shit, this makes things _explode_?"

Happy with her new weapon she started on her way again, jogging around the trees and keeping an ear open in case her BFF came back with a score to settle. After a while she came across a centaur, although this seemed somewhat different to others of its kind; its skin was an odd, grey colour and its eyes seemed dead and devoid of any life. When it gave a gurgled groan Theo stepped backwards. "...aw hell no, a _zombie centaur_?! You have _got_ to be kidding me."

Hearing the sound of her voice it turned to look at her, and began to lurch its way towards her. With a sudden surge of confidence, Theo brandished her sword...

**III.**

"...a-and then I tamed the centaur and hitched a ride out of the forest." Even though she was still sniffling, she said it quite matter-of-factly.

Isa blinked. "What."

"I tamed it."

"You tamed a zombie centaur."

She nodded. "Uh-huh."

"Of course," Isa said, laughing a little, suddenly relieved that they'd both made it out okay. "I guess you haven't seen the guys then?"

Theo shook her head. "Not since before we got separated." She frowned. "I hope they're alright..."

"I'm sure they are." She paused. "They have to be."

The girls fell into an uneasy silence, the implication of what they'd just said hanging heavily in the air. Silently and without discussing it much they waited for the remaining three to come out of the forest, because they wanted to cling on to the hope that they would; they were strong, competent wizards, if young witches like Isa and Theo could come out alive surely they could, too? It was a question they daren't voice, let alone think to try and answer, especially since as the minutes ticked by there was no sign of life other than themselves.

They waited for an hour before Isa stood up, a pained expression on her face. "We should get going. We can't stay here all night." She held a hand out to Theo, who again, quietly replying, "Yeah." She took the outstretched hand and got to her feet, glancing back at the forest in the vain hope that it would play like the movies; the guys would appear and they could go save the future together...

After another short moment they made their way up to the castle itself, both girls determined not to let anybody down, determined to get that book and get back to their own time to stop any of this heartache from happening. If this was what the prophecy caused, they would stop it. Even if it was the last thing they did.


End file.
